


2017 | The beginning of something new

by SorcorerSupreme



Series: How to fall in love (and destroy it) || F1 [1]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Bad English, Bad Spelling & Grammar, Big family, Brocedes, Car Accidents, Championship, Coma, Comatose, Female Driver, Fluff, Formula One, Girl Power, Half-Siblings, Hospitals, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lots of Hospitals, Major Character Injury, Male-Female Friendship, Mercedes - Freeform, Multi, My First Work in This Fandom, Nico Feels, Nico Rosberg is the Champion 1!1!, Original Character(s), Overprotective boyfriend, Parenthood, Past Character Death, Post summer break, Protective Team, Sebastian Vettel feels, Team Germany, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, during the season, everyone supports her, first female formula one winner, formula one drivers' championship, lots of crashs, one big racing family, pre summer break, supportive team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-09-28 07:42:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 55,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10079903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorcorerSupreme/pseuds/SorcorerSupreme
Summary: 2016, she had finished second at the FIA European Formula 3 Championship, just behind Lance Stroll.After a car crash of the Swedish Formula One Driver Marcus Ericsson, Sauber Motosport offers her the seat for the Belgian Grand Prix because none of the two test drivers was fit enough for the race.She's not the only driver who has secrets which absolutely shouldn't be revealed. What will happen if some of those are revealed? Will relationships be destroyed? Will the public imagines of the persons involved stay intact?And will Isabella Rossi deal with the pressure as the youngest driver ever? How will the others react? Will she finally find her place where she doesn't have to prove herself in every single race? Will the fans accept the half Italian, half German girl who's an academy member of the Ferrari Driver Academy?And what about adding love, crushes and lots of drama to the already stressed life of the young woman?





	1. Interview w/ James Cordon

”She's  _the_ person everyone talks about right now. Her Name is trending on Twitter for about two unbelievable days and there's no end in sight. Please welcome Isabella Rossi, the youngest Formula One Driver ever!”, James shouts and I walk out, waving at the audience. We shake hands and then, he sits down behind the desk while I sit down on the quite comfy couch. 

”To be honest, when I heard the news about you, I typed your name into Google Search and got absolutely nothing about you.  _How_ did you do that? Keeping your existence literally a secret.” As a proof, he shows a screenshot of his search and I shrug. ”I did not intend to keep my existence literally a secret, the media just cut out  _every single proof_ of my existence of every kind of report. You heard about Mick's races? Well, I'm  _"the Italian"_ in every report about him. And  _"the German"_ in every other report about a race I participated in.” 

The audience booes and I laugh slightly. ”Apparently someone didn't want to show the world there's a female driver who's ready to kick some asses.” James smirkes and I look around, I still don't really know how I got here - last week, I was enjoying my break and now, I have a Formula One race to look forward too. 

”They can't hide you anymore. Anyways, I can't imagine how hard your training must be right now, doesn't your whole body just arche? You know, I had one training sessions with Lewis Hamilton's fitness guy and I gave up after  _three and a half minutes!”_

”To be honest, I got to know a few muscles I didn't know they exist before, so yeah, it's really hard. Specially for the area of the neck, until yesterday, I didn't dare to move my head because it hurt like hell.” Understanding, he nods and smiles at me. ”How did it all happen in your point of view? I asked myself that a lot because of Sauber's statement, it sounds like a standard procedure but at least it isn't for you.” 

Smiling at the memories of the phone call, I nodded again and take a deep breath before answering. ”Actually, I just arrived at my uncle's karting track in Italy when my phone rang, I answered the call and it was Sauber. I did hear about the crash, but they have their test drivers, so after tweeting Marcus I hope for a quick recovery, it was done for me.“

James seems to be super interested and I laugh, I really want to slap myself for the next part. "So, they asked me if I could do the next Grand Prix because both of their test drivers were not fit enough. And I was like "and you really believe _I_ am fit enough?“. Then I remembered the Ferrari Drivers Academy and it all made sense. Anyways, I said yes, called my fitness guy and just told him to meet me and my aunt's Pizzeria.“ 

“I already had my super license thanks to the tests I had to do because the others from the Academy didn't want to do them or didn't have the time, I spend the last two weeks in the simulator or in a gym and yeah, all that sweat for only one race.“ I laugh and the audience laughs as well while James shows some of the photos of my training I posted on Twitter. 

“This sounds like a plot for an amazing movie! Okay, so I have to admit I  _kind of_ stalked your Twitter Account the last few days and I noticed a lot of patriarchal comments under your tweets, and yes, I blocked and reported them, but how do you deal with that?  _I_ was super hurt while reading those and they aren't for me!“ 

Again, he shows some comments and I sigh, I absolutely hate this topic. “Well, you get used to them. I got my first comment after my first karting session ever and they followed me since then, so yeah, I don't have a strategy or something like that, I just ignore them. I know I am quite good at what I am doing and I know it's not my fault they don't realise we're already in the 21th century, where equality is a thing.“ 


	2. thursday | bulgarian grand prix

Last night, I went to bed quite late - the whole Sauber Crew sat downstairs in the hotel bar and I thought it would be the right time to get to know them better; at the end, Pascal had to guard me to my room because I was freaking tired.

The problem was, I couldn't sleep, I was way too nervous - and I still am, to be honest. The drama for which nation I would race was still present, even though officially it was already decided - I would drive for Germany, my grandmother's and my birth country, but it didn't let me rest.

And since I was still way to tired to drive - not to mention that I don't have a car here - Pascal offered me a ride after breakfast and morning sport and so now, we both sit in his car, he's focused on the traffic while I look out the window and try to not freak out. I tried to prepare myself for this 5-day long trip, but nothing could prepare me for this. Sitting next to one of those drivers I admired is really weird and it is quite difficult to not fangirl in his presence.

”Nervous?”, he asks as we arrive at the circuit and I scoff. "Nope, I'm absolutely relaxed. It's not like I meet my idols and drive against them.” He laughs and I playfully slapp him.

Proudly, I show the security guys at the entrance my identification badget with a weird looking photo of me and grin when they let me pass. And now, I'm in. I'm here, at the circuit, with all those amazing drivers. This still seems so unreal to me, just like a dream.

Like a lost puppy, I follow Pascal because I'm actually afraid I would get lost in here. ”Okay, so I am going to walk on the track to get to know it, but I don't have to explain that to you.” With a cheeky grin on his face, he walks into his garage and I roll my eyes - again. ”Wanna join me or d- I think you've got a visitor. Don't do anything stupid I would do, alright?” And with that, he turns around and leaves the garage, followed by his engineers.

Confused, I turn around, only to see Maurizio Arrivabene himself standing in front of my - or Marcus' - car. My brain freezes in shock and I gasp, how do you react when _the_ Managing Director and Team Principal of the Scuderia Ferrari is in your garage?!

”It's a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Isabella. I heard a lot about you the last few years”, he says and I shake his hand, still not really knowing how to react. ”Uh... thanks? And the pleasure is mine.” Akwardly, I laugh and he just smiles at me - this _must_ be a dream. ”I'm really glad they decided to give you the chance to prove yourself here, you won't let me down, will you?”

Again, I must look utterly confused, what the hell does that mean? ”Oh, they didn't tell you I gave them the hint to ask if you're free? Typical, always wanting to take the whole credit.” Shocked and surprised, I look at him and he laughs. ”You're the one I have to thank for this chance?” Smirking, he nods and I'm quite close to freak out - this _really must_ be a dream. “I had my men watching you for a while now, even after you became a member of the Driver Academy, and they said you're more talented than Lance.“

Suddenly, it all makes sense. The rumours of the Ferrari guys watching the last few races, the rumours they even filmed a few parts. The rumour they would be looking for a new driver for the Academy and the one time I found one of them in my garage. They were there to watch me and report to the boss of the bosses. “Wow", is all what comes out of my mouth and I mentally want to slap myself really hard for being so unprofessional right now.

“I'll be gone by the time you're finished with getting to know the track, but I heard Sebastian would love to show you around.“ I just nod and he smiles. “Show them what you're made of, alright?“

\---

After getting to know the track - which took me quite long - I follow Pascal again like a lost puppy, mainly because I absolutely don't know what do next and because my thoughts are still back on the track. “Must be a lot for you, but don't worry, you'll get used to it quite quick.“ Again, I just nod and he ruffles playfully through my hair. ”Don't you dare to touch my hair again, I swear I'll cut off your hair while you sleep and sell it on eBay.”

”Hey, we found ourselves a new 'Britney'!”, shouts someone and high fives Pascal. To regocnise who this was, I don't have to turn around, I would probably regocnise this Australian accent _everywhere_. ”Really funny, Sunnyboy”, I retor and smirk when everyone except him starts to laugh. ”Plus I actually have boobs, so this is not as funny as it was with the Champion.”

\---

After lunch, it's time for my first press conference ever. Naturally, I am a nervous wreck while Pascal and the others are super relaxed. We would be interviewed with Sebastian, Kimi, Max, Daniel, Lewis, Valteri, Felipe and Lance when the first group is done and I don't like it. I don't like the fact that my first press conference ever would be with Lance.

Way too soon, they first groups leaves the press conference and Nico gives me a comforting smile while passing us. A guy introduced us and they all do the _'Ladies first'_ gesture, so I take a deep breath, roll my eyes and enter the interviewing zone. An Italian reporter shouts something that sounds like "Forza Bella!", but I'm too nervous to react.

Quickly, I sit down on the chair and sigh in relief, at least I didn't stumble or something like that. Pascal and I are placed in the middle of the first row, with Sebastian right behind us - it seems like someone wanted us to sit like this, with Lance on my left. ”You'll be alright”, mumbles Sebastian and I can't stop but smile, I really didn't expect him and Pascal to take me under their wings that quick - or at all.

The first question comes from the Italian guy and Kimi already laughs before the poor guy can even ask his question. ”First of all, I'm honoured to meet Italy's new hope.” Someone patts my back and I blush. ”Did you guys notice her before or were you as surprised as we all were when it was announced?” To be honest, I was so focused all the time, that I didn't think about it until now - Lance knew about me for sure.

”Well, I beated her last year, so you could say I somehow noticed her before”, comments he and I roll my eyes. ”Just because my car decided to go boom, don't act like you won the championship on the track.” Daniel offers me his hand for a high five and I exactly do that, even though I don't know what for. ”I heard about this girl at the Drivers Academy, but that was it.” Surprised, I look at Kimi and he smirkes, ”your talent absolutely didn't stay unnoticed.”

Luckily, the next few questions aren't for or about me, they want to know how the car feels and stuff - and I'm the only one who can't talk about that.

But the last question has of course to be the question I was afraid of. ”Why did you decide to race for Germany and not for Italy?” ”We Germans are cooler”, Pascal jokes and Sebastian laughs. ”Actually, my family told me to do it that way, because then when I would finally race for Ferrari, I would have both national hymns. I spoke with literally everyone, and everyone told me exactly this. And even though Italy is my family's home country, Germany is mine.”

\---

After half an hour with lots of questions and impressions, I really need a bit time for myself. And since the track is free, I just walk it up and down again. I really tried to get to know every single spot on and off the track.

There's a lot of pressure on me and I'm not used to it in those dimensions. My family always expects the best of me, but now there's also Maurizio Arrivabene whom I can't let down and of course the whole Sauber Crew. Not to mention all those hardcore Formula One fans in Italy who want to see an Italian driver winning again - the team is secondary right now, and now, they want me to be this driver. Well, not the whole fanbase, but a lot of them.

”Nervous?”, asks someone with a German accent behind me and I turn around in shock. ”Why should I?” Sebastian laughs slightly and I sigh quietly, I really notice how much sleep I missed last night. ”Okay, sorry, dumb question. Everyone of us had to went through this, but I think there's more pressure on you than it was on me, because you're the first female Formula One driver and that's just huge.”

”Actually, I'm not the first female Formula One driver. There was this one woman, I think she was Italian, who drove like 12 races. Look it up, I'm not the first one ever. But yeah, the media is acting like it's the sensation of the century, which doesn't make the pressure less.” He gives me a comforting smile and I smile back, I expected him to be super friendly and welcome and stuff, but absolutely not like this. ”Don't worry, you'll be fine. Don't freak out and don't make yourself crazy, you'll have three training sessions to get to know the track way better and you already did lots of simulator work, so there's no reason to freak out, alright?”

Thankful, I nod and he smiles. ”You're right, I did everything I could do in this short time. Guess I'll watch the crew doing their stuff to calm my nerves down, that's a technique Mick showed me.”

”Yeah, Michael mentioned something like that. Hey, we're having our traditional 'back from the break' drink tonight, it's just us Germans, and since you're driving for Germany as well, would you like to join us?”


	3. friday | bulgarian grand prix

Again, it had been late last night. Nico, Pascal, Sebastian and I sat at the hotel bar until around 1 am and talked about God and the world. It was really nice, getting to know _Team Germany_. They were all really nice and didn't dare to talk about today, they all could probably imagine how nervous I was.

Because today, it will be my first time in this year's formula one car and I can't wait any longer, to be honest.

This time, a crew member drives me to the circuit because apparently, the media's interest in _**the**_ _mysterious_ _girl_ is still so huge that I have to be there earlier than every other driver, to do a few small interviews before.

Just like yesterday, I show the security guy my identification badget and give him a huge smile when he lets me enter. ”Have a good day, Sir”, I tell him and look around, I don't know what to do now. ”Isabella!”

The Italian guy from yesterday comes to me and I give him a smile. His co-worker hands me a microphone and they both greet me before the camera guy tells us to get ready. While they do that introductions part, I take a deep breath and try to not look super nervous. “And here with us is Isabella, just before her first time driving that beast of a car!“ I laugh and they both grin.

“How nervous are you right now?“, the guy asks and I shrug. “I'm more exited than nervous, I just want to get out there, that's what I tortured myself for the last few weeks.“ Both nod understanding and I grin. “What are your goals for this weekend?“ For a few seconds, I don't know what to answer, but then a thought crosses my mind. “Finishing both the Qualifying and the race better than Lance does.” Cheekily, I smirk and mentally high five myself for this brilliant answer.

”That would be super cool, because he has way more experience with the car and he also already knows the track, so beating him is really my ultimate goal for the weekend, showing that money isn't everything, that you don't need to rent circuits to be a good driver.” This would probably only cause more problems with Lance - but I couldn't care less at the moment. Everyone who watched the last Formula 3 season already knows we would never be best friends. In my eyes, he was a spoiled, bratty asshole who didn't really deserve to be here, his way into the Formula One was literally bought and sponsored by Daddy Stroll.

”You two don't get along well, do you?” I shrug, not wanting to show them how much I hate the millionaire's son. ”We have a rough past and live to completely different philosophies, but we don't have to get along well to race, you know? I respect him as a driver and that's all.” No, I really _don't_ respect him as a driver because he always just showed me why he doesn't deserve my respect, but the media shouldn't know that.

“There's this rumour going around you and _the legend's son_ are best friends, do you want to clear it up?“ For most of the Italians, Michael still is _the legend_ ; he was the driver who gave the Scuderia its power and its success back and I chuckle, this is still my favourite rumour about me.

“Well, Mick and I are best friends for around 11 years now. He would love to be here today, but he has his own race this weekend, so we're just skyping later for a few hours.“ They both look at me in awe, _Italy's new hope_ is best friends with the legend's son, that must really sound amazing for a frustrated Ferrari fan.

“Is the story with the national hymns _really_ true? My nephew's karting and he's half German as well, but I wouldn't dare to think about such a bright future for him now.“ I remember how surprised he looked at me yesterday after I told the story, so it only makes sense for him to ask the question. “It's really true. I was just as shocked and as suprised as you were yesterday, but they were serious about it. My family really thought that far and they're still so sure that Ferrari will want me one day, it still amazes me.“

Someone huggs me from behind and I laugh, regocnising the already familiar aftershave. “Hey“, whispers he and I turn around in his arms and slap his arm. “If the media says we were together by tomorrow morning, you'll have to eat a burger after the race with me, I don't care about your diet.“ Pascal apparently doesn't care about his diet as well - he agrees and I grin; I really crave a nice, fatty burger with even fattier fries and a nice, cold Coca Cola.

\---

I did six more small interviews to stay calm, but now, it's time. I'm minutes away from my first time in Sauber's this season's car and I can't wait. Pascal and I sit in my cabin, both of us already in our racing suits. We don't talk, we just sit there and follow our own thoughts. He watches me witch amusement because I'm so exited I can't sit still any longer and I just roll my eyes at him.

Someone knocks on the door, which is the sign for _'come out and get into your damn cars'_ , and I literally run the few meters from my cabin to my car. A crew member helps me with the gloves before they let me near my car and I can't stop smiling. “Have fun, kiddo.”

Finally, I climb into the car and let out a relieved sigh, this is so exciting. I wish I would not suck at learning names, but I remember this guy being quite nice yesterday on the track, so I give him a smile before he helps me with putting my helmet on. Pascal drives out of the garage and I follow him quickly, my excitement is suddenly gone and I am totally focused, totally in the tunnel.

\---

The first practice was amazing. The car was super fast, specially while driving through the curves, I drove the whole time and it was bloody amazing. Nico and I had a little battle on the track, who would be faster and the first one to cross the line - and I won, both times. Of course, this absolutely meant nothing, but it still felt great. And I even managed to overtake Lewis which was huge for me, suddenly seeing the silver car in my rear mirror.

Way too soon, the first practice was over and they move my car back into the garage. I take my gloves off, someone helps me with the helmet while I take the steering wheel off and place it on the car. While I just enjoy sitting in my car for this weekend for a bit longer, Pascal is already out of his and lets his overall hang at his waist.

”How was it?”, he asks and knees down next to my car. ”Amazing, really amazing, I can't wait to drive again. It felt really good, I don't think we have to change much and I overtook Lewis, so yeah, it was really bloody amazing.” He laughs and shakes his head. ”You're unbelievable.” ”Thanks”, I grin and climb out of the car - which is quite an acrobatic act, I have to admit.

”Guess the crew's having lunch right now, do you want to join them or do you want to calm down now?” My stomach growls and answers his question for me, and he laughs while laying an arm around me.

\---

After lunch, RTL - the German channel - wants to do a ' _German Interview_ ', so Sebastian, Nico, Pascal and I sit on the roof. Florian and Kai, the two interviewers, are sitting across the table while I sit between Sebastian and Pascal who has Nico on his right side.

”At first, thanks for coming“, Kai says and I mumble a "it's way better than being forced to do more sport" under a breath - apparently, so loud, that everyone else could hear it. “That's true“, comments Nico and I pout.

“We've seen you two“, Florian glared at Sebastian and Nico, “watching Pascal and Isabella quite intensive during the first practice. Were you impressed?“ In surprise, I look at the Ferrari Driver next to me and he smiles. “Of course you're impressed when you see her overtaking Lewis, this doesn't happen that often. And I think, she can play an important role during the race when it comes to pit stop if the Qualifying goes not that wrong.“ I smirk and Nico nodds in agreement. ”You're really afraid of me? Cute.”

Quickly, I grab Pascal's hand before he can ruffle through my hair again. ”We've seen old footages of you, you can force a faster car behind you to slow down somehow - I wouldn't call it being afraid, but we do have respect.” They how said footage and I laugh quietly. ”You learn that when your car sucks and the only way to win is making everyone else slowing down.”

”You all get along well, don't you?” The answer seems quite obvious to me, but I nod netherless. ”We've already adopted her.” Nico beams and Pascal laughs. ”Yeah, we really did.” Just like earlier, he puts an arm around me and I laugh. ”Seems like it.” For a bit, Florian and Kai just watch us and I'm certainly sure that Pascal and I seem _way_ too close.

”How excited are you for Sunday?” I grin and move away from Pascal, steal Sebastian's Ferrari Cap and put it on my head. ”Super excited. I can't wait to really do the racing with the car; it felt already amazing today and yeah, I hope to mess the top ten a bit up.” ”That sounds realistic and the Ferrari cap looks good on you.” I smirk and Sebastian laughs.

\---

The second practice was even more amazing than the first one. We did some fine tuning on the car and it just felt bloody awesome, driving through the curves felt like a rollercoaster and I had so much fun. But now, after the second 90 minutes drive, I am super tired.

The same crew member who drove me to the circuit drives me back to the hotel and I have to stop myself from literally falling asleep during the ride. Happily, the hotel isn't that far away and after 15 minutes, I'm in my hotel room.

I quickly take a shower to get rid of the sweaty smell before putting on comfortable clothes and sending Mick's Skype Account a request. While waiting for him to answer, I text my family about today's events and promise them to call them tomorrow after the Qualifying.

”Hey Babe.” Being so focused on my phone, I didn't notice he accepted the request. ”Hey you dork.” Adorably, he pouts and I giggle quietly. ”How was your day?”, ask I and a yawn passes my lips. ”Good, how was yours? How is it? How does it feel to sit in the car? How is it going with Lancy?”

We both laugh at the silly nickname and I beam with joy. ”It was amazing, really. The car felt awesome and Lancy is still a spoiled, bratty asshole. _Team Germany_ literally adopted me and oh God, I wish you could be here.”

He sighs and gives me a weak smile. ”Don't worry, you'll be fine.” I nod and take a deep breath. “We'll race at the same time on Sunday, so let's Skype around 6, alright?“ Yawning, he nods and I chuckle. “Good night, my favourite loser.“ “Good night, my favourite girl.“


	4. saturday | bulgarian grand prix

When I wake up, it's 6 am. Frustrated, I groan and try to catch a bit more sleep, but I can't. At 6:15 am, I leave my warm and way too comfortable bed, get rid of my shirt and the boxershorts I slept with and take a long and relaxing shower. After washing my hair and spoiling myself with this awesome Lush body conditioner Mick's mom got me for Christmas, I put on underwear, a gray pair of jogging trousers, a matching oversized hoodie and my Chucks. Then, I make my way downstairs to get some breakfast before leaving the hotel.

\---

This time, Nikki Lauda himself offers me a ride via SMS - and who am I to deny that? So here I am, sitting in his fancy car and listen to 5 Seconds of Summer's ”Hey everybody”. I quickly grab my phone, type in my pin and open the Twitter App.

@Isa_Racing: Hearing 5SOS' 'Hey everybody' on the way to the circuit, super excited for P3 and Qualifying - great day ahead! @F1 @SauberF1Team

Without waiting for a reaction, I close it again and Nikki chuckles. ”Let me guess, you're more exited than nervous?”, he asks and I nod, is this so obvious? ”Well, I've seen enough young divers before their first Formula One race. Anyways, I think you know that's not the reason why I offered you this ride.” Again, he chuckles and I shrug. ”As you know, Valteri's contract is only for this year and I just wanted to let you know that you're a possible driver for us at Mercedes for the next year, even though you couldn't really prove yourself until then.”

I look at him in shock, did he really just say that? "Enjoy yourself today and good luck.” Honestly? This is _all_ he has to say? So in shock, I didn't notice we are already at the circuit and I mumble a "thanks" under my breath before getting out of the car.

Just like Thursday and Friday, I proudly show the security guy at the entrance my identification badget and he smiles at me. ”Have a nice day, Sir”, I tell him, just like yesterday, and he nods. ”You too, Ma'am, and good luck for the Qualifying, not that you would need it.” I blush slightly at the absolutely honest compliment and give him a thankful smile.

While walking to the garage, I check my phone and chuckle at the amount of Twitter-notifications. ”Darliiiiiiing”, yells someone and I laugh, quickly running away from Pascal; he heard my uncle calling me like that and thought it was cute. ”You owe me the burger after the race”, I point out when he arrives a few seconds later than me at the garage and show him an article about us being a _super cute couple_. ”Nice.”

It's already 9:50 am and the practice starts at ten, so we both quickly change into the racing overalls and he high fives me before going to his side of the garage. After putting on the gloves, I climb into the car and literally beam with joy while someone helps me with the helmet and another crew member buckles me on. When the steering wheel is in its rightful position, they all step aside and I drive out of the garage.

\---

Again, the car felt amazing. The crew did the last fine tuning and I was absolutely ready for the Qualifying. My time was the fifth best time of this practice - only Valteri, Sebastian, Kimi and Daniel were faster than me. Lewis on the other hand seemed to have problems with his car, his time was only the ninth fastet.

I climb out of the car and high five Marcus's slash my whole crew and watch the last twenty minutes of the practice on the screen with them - we are happy with the setting, so there's no need for more driving than necessary.

”Isabella!”, Kai, one of the two German interviewers from yesterday, shouts and I join him quickly, ”what do you expect from the Qualifying after those three well going practices for you? The car never left the track, congratulations for that.” He chuckles and I shrug, not really knowing what to answer. ”Thanks? Well, Q2 is what I expect, Q3 would be super awesome. But as long as I'm better than Lance, everything's fine for me.” Felipe comes out of the garage next to mine and they two just share a weird look before he joins us.

”Do you have an explanation why she was faster than you? Only by a few milliseconds, but she was faster.” I smirk and the Brazilian laughs. ”You just can't deny her talent. No, honestly, what I have seen from her is really good, and I had some problems on the track which I hope can be fixed quickly and you”, he looks at me”, didn't have some, did you?”

For a second, I'm distracted by Lance who gives an interview on the other side of the pit lane, just across from us, and laughs his weird laugh I absolutely hate. ”No, not really. I think the car didn't reach its maximal power, but it really does feel amazing.”

Kai has to leave for another interview, and I'm surprised when Felipe doesn't even think about going away as well. "You hate him, don't you?", He asks and I look at him, totally shocked. ”Welcome to the club, I start to believe you would have been a better choice for the team.”

\---

 **Qualifying results** :

1\. Massa (1:42:733)

2\. Vettel (1:42:985)

3\. Bottas (1:43:326)

4\. Hamilton (1:43:492)

5\. Raikkonen (1:43:583)

6\. Ricciardo (1:44:769)

7\. Verstappen (1:44:832)

8\. Wehrlein (1:44:985)

9\. Hulkenberg (1:45:386)

10\. Rossi (1:45:619)

11\. Magnussen (1:45:827)

12\. Palmer (1:45:979)

13\. Grosjean (1:46:295)

14\. Vandoorne (1:46:483)

15\. Sainz Jr (1:46:859)

16\. Perez (1:47:086)

17\. Alonso (1:47:392)

18\. Ocon (1:47:594)

19\. Kyvat (1:47:846)

20\. Stroll (no timed round)

\---

The second I climb out of the car, the whole crew - even Pascal's crew - congratulates me and I thank them all, it really feels awesome. ”Where's Stroll?”, is the first thing I want to know and when they just point to the TV which shows me the results, I can't stop but beam with pride - I beated him, that was my goal and I archived it.

”Well done”, I comment when Pascal joins me and he pats my back. ”You too.”

With a huge smile plastered on my face, I walk around Sauber's paddock and Fernando congratulates me. ”Why did Williams chose this spoiled brat and _not_ you who absolutely has the talent he hasn't?”, he asks and grins when I laugh, it somehow feels good to know I'm not the only one who absolutely can't stand Lance. ”Because”, I answer on Spanish and he gasps, ”Fernando, sometimes money matters more than talent and character do.” The Spanish laughs and ruffles through my hair. ”Well in this case, it's really a shame that money seems to matter more than talent and character. Oh, by the way, Jenson's gonna be jealous, but I don't mind if you call me Nando. You're cool.” Suprised, I look at him and he chuckles. ”And cute, I know why those young guys are crushing _so_ hard on you.”

”What the hell are you talking about?” But he just shrugs and a crew member calls him. ”See you, Isa.”

Walking around the paddocks, I try to reach Mick or someone of my family - but apparently, they're all busy right now. Slightly frustrated, I open the Twitter App and check the notifications from my tweet earlier. 5SOS retweeted said tweet and I bit on my lip to prevent a fangirl freakout. ”Damn", I mumble and can't stop but giggle when I get another notification, this time from Ashton's account.

@Ashton5SOS: congratulations for reaching Q3, you go girl! @Isa_Racing

@Isa_Racing: Thanks dudeeee @Ashton5SOS 

@Isa_Racing: Q3 - hell yeah! Didn't want to take a risk today and I'm in the Top ten, so let's see what tomorrow brings... @SauberF1Team @F1   
  
”Hey there.” Nico stands suddenly in front of me and touches my phone. ”Is that touch?” Eyes rolling, I laugh and out my phone away. "Not for you.” Pouting, he wants to ruffle through my hair - again - but I grab quickly his arm to stop him. ”Don't. Don't you have some interviews to do?”  
I chuckle and he grins. ”No, I wanted to check on you first. P10, hm? Right behind me?”  
  
Proudly, I nod and he laughs slightly. ”Yes, and please, don't be afraid to race normal against me. Yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm _actually_ a girl, that I _actually_ have boobs and that I _actually_ got my period which is literally the hell on earth, but on the track you better forget that.“ An Italian shouts _“Forza Bella“_ and he smirks. “Don't worry, I'll forget that you're actually a girl and hey, it seems like you've already got yourself some fans. Enjoy those first fans, because those are the most exciting ones ever. They're excited to meet you and you're excited to meet them, that's really nice.“  
  
Lewis gives an interview just across us, so in a moment of silence between us, I can hear he's not that happy with the car, same seems to be for Ferrari and Valteri. Being beaten by the Oldie who retired from the retirement isn't that nice, I guess.  
  
\---  
  
I somehow managed to fall asleep before the press conference. At first, I was utterly confused when someone woke me up just in time - didn't I already have on on Thursday? Turned out that the one on Thursday was an extra one for two reasons. It's the first weekend after the summer break, so there would be probably more to tell and of course because of the media's massive interest in me.  
  
And here I am, still sleepy as hell, again sitting next to Pascal with Sebastian behind me, but this time, Daniel sits on my right side. ”Tired?”, he whispers and I just scoff which makes him laugh. ”Yeah, the first few weekends are like this, but you really get used to it quite quick.”  
  
Before I can answer, the press conference begin and I suppress a yawn, now, that the adrenaline was gone for today, I could really catch some sleep here and now.  
  
The first questions are all about why Ferrari, Mercedes and Red Bull all seemed to struggle during the whole Qualifying and Daniel constantly kicks my leg under the table, probably to make sure I don't fall asleep.  
  
”And what about you, Isabella, how went the whole Qualifying for you?”, asks a lady nervously and I smile at her. ”Quite good actually, but in Q3 I really had this feeling the car would go _boooooom_ any seconds, that's why we didn't try again. I mean, I'm sadly used to it and it's not fun.  They're checking it, but we should be fine by tomorrow. And yeah, we'll see what the race brings.”  
  
\--  
  
From the press conference, I go straight back to the hotel and sigh in relief when my tired body lands on the soft matress, this is exactly what it arched for the whole day.  
  
After changing into my shirt and the super comfortable pair of boxershorts, I grab my phone and check the social networks; there's nothing interesting for me and so I want to lay it away when I notice Mick's message.  
  
**_From:_ my dude ♥**  
Laura and I are back together  
  
I hate her. Not because she apparently steals my best friend or stuff, no, because she only loves him for the money. She used him once, he fell in love and this dumbass doesn't want to accept the fact she plays with him.  
  
**_To:_ my dude ♥**  
I would love to congratulate you, but I can't congratulate you for being used and played with x  
  
**_To:_ my dude ♥**  
You really deserve someone better, someone who appreciates and loves the person you are and not the money your parents have x  
  
With that, I quickly put my phone away, turn the light off and get under the covers, but thanks to Mick's message, it really takes me a while to completely calm down. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The times for the Qualifying are totally made up by me, just pointing that out tho. What do you guys think, how will the race be for her?  
> 


	5. sunday | bulgarian grand prix

This time, it's freaking 5 am when I wake up. The sun's just coming and I let out a frustrated moan. As much as I try to get back to sleep, it just doesn't work.

So the excitement wins, I get up, grab my phone and sigh because there's no answer. Friday night, he didn't mention her with a single worry and suddenly, they were together again - what the hell is that? Absolutely not love, that's sure. She's a bitch. Her father had been a successful business man before he decided to start visiting the casino's of the area and lost all his money. And suddenly, she started to text him, to invite herself over and of course, he always had expensive presents for her. For me, it had always been obvious that she only did that because of his parents' wealth, but he was blind. We argued because of her a lot, and I don't really want to bring that back.

Frustrated, I throw it onto the mattresses and decide to go jogging for a bit - it is way too early to do anything else I can think of, and at least it's sporty. I quickly change into jogging pants and a tank top, put on my jogging shoes and leave the hotel room. It's quiet, everyone else is probably still asleep and I giggle quietly to myself when the door of the lift closes behind me.

But then, Kimi joins me, the Ferrari crew has the third floor completely for themselves while Sauber, Force India and Williams somehow share the fourth and fifth floor. ”Isn't it a bit early for such a young lady to go out by herself?” He also wears sporty clothes and I'm really surprised when he smiles at me - he isn't called _'the Iceman_ ' just for fun. ”I'm not alone anymore”, is all I say before we both enter the lobby and leave the hotel.

\---

When I'm back in my hotel room, it's around 8. Yes, I just was jogging for like 3 hours and it didn't feel like it. Kimi and I talked a lot and he was really nice, he even let me hide behind him when Lance came in our direction.

Before breakfast, I take a long and refreshing shower and the jogging really helped me to get my head free.

\---

At 9 am, someone knocks on my door - I decided to have some room service breakfast since I was to lazy to walk down - and I grumble. ”It's open.” The door opens and I smile when Sebastian enters my room. ”Of course you can come in, Champ.”

He grins and sits down next to me, like it is the absolutely most normal thing to do. ”Kimi told me to check on you, you've got him already wrapped around your finger.” Slightly, he laughs and I sigh a bit, of course the Iceman did it. ”According to him, you were acting too cool before your first race, but I think, you're used to acting like it's a normal day if you, aren't you?” Surprised, I look at him and just nod, how did he look through me so quick? 

“Thought so”, he mumbles more to himself and I give him a weak smile. ”You'll be fine, alright? Do your best, that's absolutely enough.” Again, I nod and he smiles back. ”You look familiar, I really don't know of whom you remind me of, but you absolutely do.” If he only knew _how_ right he actually is. ”Well, I can't help you with that.”

Instead of leaving me alone like he could, he and Kimi both offer me a ride - apparently, they have a schedule who drives when and today, it's the German's turn. So Kimi and I sit in the back and talk about God and the world, he doesn't even think about mentioning today's race. He asks me about school and I tell him a lot about my school and how horrible it is, we talk about Finnland because I once did an exchange with a Finnish school and the ride is over way too fast.

I both hug them before leaving them alone and jump on the Hulk's back. ”Hey", he laughs and grabs my legs, ”where were you at breakfast? We weren't complete without you.” I play with his hair and grin. ”Felt like laying on my couch.”

In front of the entrance, he lets me down and the security guard already smiles at me. ”Good luck, Ma'am”, he tells me when I show him my identification badget and I smile back. ”Thanks, have a great day, Sir.”

Somewhen on my way to the paddock, Max and Daniel join me and try to make me nervous. ”Guys, let her be”, a certain Finnish guy shouts and I smirk. ”Plus, I'm way more exited than nervous. Oh, and thanks, Kimi.” Daniel playfully pouts and I laugh. ”C'mon, Sunnyboy, you're just afraid I could kick your ass.”

The both Red Bull drivers have to leave for their briefing and I go to mine. Pascal and I sit at the end of the huge table, a monitor with all the data in front of us, and we go through all the important aspects of the race. For example, the strategies are here quite important, and they're the theme of our discussions for about half an hour.

After a mind blowing briefing, I change into my racing overall, put a pair of sunglasses on and walk a bit around.

It's now 12 pm, which means the last two hours before the race are starting now, and I can't wait for them to be over. ”Hey.” Lewis joins me and I laugh slightly because of the looks of literally every single woman here. ”Hey.” He smirks and puts his sunglasses on, looks around and puts an arm around me. ”Exited for the race?” A bit confused, I look at him and nod. ”Of course you are”, he mumbles more to himself and I smile. ”Then why are you asking if the answer's that obvious?” He shrugs and I stand on my tiptoes and ruffle through his short hair. ”Because obviously, I can.”

I roll my eyes and he laughs. ”You're not _that_ focused on success, are you? Everybody's here to win, of course, but normally when I first meet rookies, they run away or act like they know everything better than I do, just to prove themselves they can win this. But you're ... you're completely different. You're literally welcoming to everyone who is not Lance Stroll and I don't know, I guess I like it.”

To be honest, I absolutely did not expect this, and so I let him ruffle through my hair while I stare at him, completely speechless. ”Just stay like your are, alright?” Still not really knowing what to say, I nod and he smiles. ”It would be a shame to lose such a nice personality because you feel like having to change.”

We talk a bit longer and he helps me climbing onto the car for the driver's parade. He hugs me before going to the other side, leaving me alone for a few seconds until Kimi, Pascal, Sebastian and Nico come and join me.

\---

The race starts in ten minutes and I never felt that ready before. All drivers meet in front of the cars for the national hymn, and every one of them - expect Lance - wishes me good luck for my first race.

Sebastian hugs me, Niki gives me a sympathetic smile and both Nico and Pascal quickly ruffle through my hair for 'good luck' as the Hulk explains with a smirk on his lips.

Fernando and I exchange good luck wishes on Spanish while Kimi dramatically runs to me, picks me up, turns a few times around with me in his arms and lets me down again. ”Good luck, kiddo.” Before I can slap him, he runs back and I shake my head; deep down inside, they're all still children.

After putting on everything, I climb into the car, someone helps me with the helmet and they all pat my shoulder before going on the side of the track. The installation round is alright amazing, the car feels awesome and I'm finally where I always wanted to be.

When everyone is back on his starting place, I'm totally focused. The lights turn green and I manage to overtake Nico and Pascal thanks to a good start of me and a not so good start of the two. Max is right in front of me and in turn 4, I mumble a ”this is unbelievable" to myself.

Just a second after that, I see parts of a - or a few? - cars flying around and slow down immediately. Felipe apparently lost his first place to Sebastian as I can see his red Ferrari driving away from us, while the Brazilian as well as Valteri, Lewis and Kimi are all in the grit. ”Safety car's coming out right now, you're on P4 now.”

\---

39 rounds later, and I'm on P6 - thanks to a really messed up pit stop of mine. I'm driving through the last few turns, not even a mile away from finishing my first race quite successful. Stoffel and Lance are right behind me, but I can can force them to slow down every now and then to keep them a bit away from my back.

Way too soon, I see the flag and the moment I cross the line, I really can't believe it. P6 in a dramatic, eventful race, it really must be a dream. I thank the whole team, Mick, Maurizio Arrivabene and my family on my way back to the pit lane and park my Sauber right behind Pascal's.

After climbing out, we literally fall in each others arms and I hide my face in his overall. ”Congratulations on P6, Isa”, he whispers, his voice is raw and a bit tired and leaves gooseberry on my skin. ”Congrats on P4.” We stay like this for a few minutes - at least it feels like that - and I can completely forget about everything that happens around is.

”Hey, I want to congratulate her as well”, laughs Nico and I blush slightly when Pascal steps back and thanks his crew. ”I thought I would never get you.” The Hulk hugs me as well and we go to the weighing together.

Right in time for the presentation ceremony, I'm finished with the official stuff and join the Red Bull and Ferrari guys who give me some nods of acknowledgement. Maurizio Arrivabene notices me in the crew and tells one of the guys next to him to get me to the very front.

”Congratulations, your race was really good”, he smiles and I point to the podium. ”Congratulations for winning this dramatic race, is Kimi alright?” He nods and I sigh in relief. Daniel is the first one who enters the position and I quietly cheer with the Red Bull guys, then Max follows and waves the crowd. At last, Sebastian finally comes out.

And that's exactly the moment when all those grown up Ferrari guys turn into little kids and completely go crazy. He spots me and gives me a smile, which is commented by a laugh of Maurizio. ”You have them both wrapped around your finger.”

Proudly, I sing the two national hymns and really don't care about the weird looks I get. Then, I excuse myself and leave the presentation ceremony, only to meet Toto and Niki.

They both are absolutely not pleased, but when they see me, they stop their serious talk and wink me over. ”That was an absolutely mind blowing race you did there, specially after the pit stop, fighting your way up from P12 to P6. Congratulations.” Toto smiles weakly and Niki takes off his cap for a second. ”Hats off for you, that was really amazing”, he adds and I blush.

”Thanks, I'm sorry about the crash, are they both alright?” Just like he waited for this moment, Lewis comes out of his garage and I sigh in relief. ”Valteri has a mild concussion, but they were both lucky.” Toto excuses himself for a few interviews and Lewis ruffles through my hair - again.

”At least I got to see your race, that was bloody awesome what you did there, specially with a not _that_ good car like yours.“

\---

After a quick shower at the hotel, Nico and I finally get to eat our burgers. Sebastian has invited us to his party, so we decided to eat earlier.

Lewis told me to go to this amazing burger restaurant - and here we are, in the paradise of burgers, fatty fries and in general everything we shouldn't eat. While I go for the classic Hamburger, he tries a very exotic burger I can't even pronounce.

”I know we said we wouldn't talk about the race during dinner, but how messed up was your pit stop?” I sigh and put down my glass. ”Really messed up. Took me something around a minute, I guess.” He looks shocked and I can't stop but laugh. ”At least it happened to me and not to Pascal and hey, I almost got you two.” Before he can answer, our burgers and fries are brought to us and we eat in silence.

Then, he pays even though I try to stop him from doing it and a taxi drives us straight to the party location. It looks fancy and we look down on each other - yep, we are _absolutely_ underdressed.

”Hey guys!”, Kimi shouts and tells the security guy to let us in.

\---

The party's amazing. We just skyped with Sebastian's family and I'm really enjoying myself with Max, Stoffel and Pascal in the darkest corner of the club. We all don't really like partying, so we just sit here and they even drink not alcoholic drinks so I don't feel left out.

Nico, Sebastian and Kimi check on us every ten minutes and always makes sure we've got something to drink. ”Wanna dance?”, asks Max when the other two are gone for a minute and I shrug, a dance won't harm anybody, right? ”But I have to warn you, I really suck at dancing”, I answer and stand up. ”Don't worry, I suck at dancing too.”

We're just in the middle of an epic and quite embarrassingly horrible looking dance when someone behind me clears his or her throat that loud that I can hear it over the music, but I don't care and continue dancing with the Netherlander.

”Max, I would really appreciate it if you would stop dancing with my daughter right now, she has school tomorrow.” Oh God, please let this be a dream. 


	6. monday | back to school

”Why are you here?”, I ask when the door closes behind us. ”You're my daughter and you just finishing your first Formula One race, do I have to have another reason to be here?”, he retorts and I scoff. ”We share DNA, yes, but that doesn't make me your daughter.” Frustration, he sighs and I look at him angrily.

”And what the hell were you thinking? Max absolutely did nothing wrong and you should be glad that I can dance with guys again without getting an aniexty attack.” Not to mention that he just told the Netherlander he was the guy my mom slept with around 18 years ago. My biological father sighs again and I roll my eyes. ”I didn't tell you about this for a reason, you know?” There's this look on his face again, this 'I know I messed things up but I just wanted to see my girl again' look I know only too well.

Sebastian comes out and I really could cry, this is absolutely not how I wanted my first Formula One weekend to end. ”There you are”, he smiles and then notices the man behind me. ”Mick asked me to make sure she goes to school today”, he explains himself and I look at my watch - damn, it's already 1 am. ”Oh.” Sebastian nods and I quickly hug him. ”Enjoy the rest of your party”, I mumble against his chest and he chuckles. ”Thanks, I hope you can sleep during your trip back home or you can totally forget school.” Someone yells his name and he pats my back, turns around and goes inside, leaving me alone with the man I really don't want to see right now.

\---

The trip back home was long, way too long for me to be with him. Thankfully, I slept most of the time and when I wake up, he's already gone. ”Bella!”, shouts my uncle and I slowly stand up, grab my stuff and leave the private jet. My cousin takes it while his father hugs and picks me up at the same time. ”You were amazing!”

Paolo lets me down again and kisses my forehead. ”We're all so proud of you.” I give him a tired smile and yawn, they both chuckle and we go to the car at the end of the airfield. Matteo puts my stuff in the trunk and I watch him, I really missed them. ”The pizzeria was so full, it was crazy.”

While my uncle drives back, Matteo and I take a helicopter to get back to Monaco. Paolo is the owner of a quite famous pizzeria in Monaco-Ville and we live on the floors above it. My great-great-grandfather opened it in the 1870's or somewhen around that time and it's still a family business.

\---

From the helicopter airfield, it goes straight to school for Matteo and I. There's no time to change, so the first thing I do when we arrive at our school is grabbing another hoodie and running to the next toilet. He follows me laughing - and I throw my old hoodie in his face. ”Take that you asshole.”

\---

Our first class, Italian, went well, our teacher congratulated me at the end of the lesson and that was it. But now, we're both in our German class and it's horrible.

The boys at the very back of the classroom take photos of me - they think, they're clever, but they're absolutely not - and the girls talk about me. The teacher's gone - she's probably smoking outside, like she always is - and Matteo and I do the task. It's just an analysis, the introduction is written down in less than a minute and the text itself is quite easy to understand.

”I'm really not sure about this, I'll look it up, alright?”, I ask when we can't agree of the meaning of a damn metaphor and he nods. So I grab my phone, unlock it and type the title into the searching bar. Then I hand him my phone to prove him wrong and he rolls his eyes. ”Damn, why are you always right?” Shrugging, I laugh and decide to check Twitter, so I open the App and scroll down my timeline - only to see a picture of the two of us, shared by a Formula One fan account I follow. ”What the hell.”

In disbelief, I stare at the picture; I absolutely hate this school and that's only one of million reasons why. Matteo looks confused on my phone, stands up, turns around and I can tell he's pissed. ”Who shared the picture?”, he growls and suddenly, it's absolutely silent.

The girls look at him scared and with huge eyes while the boys seem to can't decide whether they should try to piss him even more off or to shut up. ”If this person doesn't delete it right now, I'm going to report you. And I promise you, that won't be nice.”

Quickly, I stand up and try to calm him down, but I know it's hopeless - he had always been overprotective, and after my mom's death and the thing with her boyfriend, he only became more overprotective. One of those spoiled, bratty assholes from the back row stands up and has a dirty smirk on his lips.

But before he can provocative my cousin, I decide to step in, knowing it wouldn't end well if I don't - and now, I have the perfect way to shut him up. ”I know you like fast cars”, I state the obvious and return this dirty smirk, ”and with a short phone call, I could make sure you'll never go to a Grand Prix or the 24h race of Le Mans again.”

In disbelief, the asshole looks at me and I take my phone and show him Niki's contact. ”But not only you, this is a warning for every one of you. Delete the pictures and I won't do the call.” Altogether, they nod and I mentally high five myself for this idea. Matteo hugs me from behind and I smile. ”And now, delete the pictures.”

\---

Not even an hour later, I'm sitting in the hallway - I might or might not did correct my maths teacher. He wanted to list the F1 champions but messed it up really bad, and when I wanted to correct him, he just threw me out. Is it really so bad that I didn't want to analyze false statistics?

@Isa_Racing: Being kicked out of class because our teacher messed up when who was F1 champion

@Isa_Racing: Idk if the grammar in my last tweet is right or not, I'm tired and want my bed 

@Isa_Racing: and yes, I went straight from Seb's party to the plane and from the plane straight to school, damn

@Isa_Racing: this is my first time being kicked out - I feel really bad right now muhahahahaha

I put my phone away and sigh frustrated, this is absolutely not how I imagined my first day of school after my first Formula One race.  
And now, that the adrenaline is gone and I'm here completely on my own, I have time to think about everything. With everything, I mainly mean the Mick drama or whatever it is. Yesterday, he ignored my calls and I know I could have been nicer, but he also should know I'm always honest when it comes to love.

It's weird, he knows what I think of her and he still expects me to be nice? That wouldn't be me, I had to learn it the hard way, if you don't think the person someone close to you loves really is the person they pretend to be, then tell them.

A frustrated groan passes my lips, I just don't understand love. And I don't feel like I ever will understand it. Everybody tells me love was nice, but not for me.

Love was used as an excuse to abuse me.  
Love was used as an excuse to slap me.  
Love was used as an excuse to rape me.  
Love was used as an excuse to lock me up.  
Love was used as an excuse to make me do horrible things.

And the worst moment was at court, when she looked at her boyfriend with this 'I still love you, but you hurt my daughter' look I will never forget. How she told him she would love to become his wife even after he was sent to prison.

Tears start to roll down my face and I stand up, grab my back and quickly leave the building.

To: Matteo™  
Really don't feel like having strangers around me right now, sorry x

After sending the message, I call Mick and almost sigh in relief when the answering machine answers the call.

”Hey”, I whisper, my voice shakes and I'm close to break down in tears, ”I just got kicked out for the first time and I thought of what happened the last few days between us. First of all, congratulations for your win and P3.” Taking a deep breath to calm myself down, I look around and decide to walk back. ”And about the thing with Laura, if you're happy with her, then I'm happy as well. But you know know my struggle with love and I just don't feel like she's the one for you.”

Again, I have to take a little break to avoid breaking down in tears right now and a choked sob passes my lips. ”I can't lose my day friend because of something like this, I just can't. Anyways, I'm sorry and yeah, I'm close to a breakdown in case you're wondering why I'm so emotional. Love you, dude.”

Slightly relieved, I hang up and even though I really don't feel like having strangers around me, I now decide to take the subway - it's way more quicker than walking and I'm sooner in my small room.

\---

Paolo doesn't look surprised when I show up fours hours earlier than I should - Matteo probably texted him. ”Mind helping out? Leandro's sick and it will be full today.” Thankful for the distraction, I nod and he smiles. ”That's my girl.”

Until 11 pm, I work non-stop, helping out in the kitchen or serving - as long as I don't have time to look at my phone, I'm happy.

And then, I walk upstairs and am too tired to change, so I just let my tired body fall on the soft matress, close my eyes and fall in a dreamless sleep.


	7. tuesday | talks

Confused, I look around when I wake up. The sun's already shining and I quickly stand up - I just slept in and missed the first few classes. I notice a sticky note on my alarm clock and chuckle slightly, that is totally Paolo's style.

”We all agreed on you staying at home today, so take a rest. Matteo's bought your favourite lush mask, it's in the fridge. Sauber wants you to call them back, the lady said something about good news. I'll be back at 12, don't burn the house down until then.”

Weakly, I smile and sigh in relief, thank God they agreed on that. I take a long, relaxing and refreshing shower, wash my hair and jam to Ed's newest album. Then, I put on a pair of jeans and a black hoodie, walk in the kitchen and grab an apple.

After putting the mask on, I sit down in the couch, turn on the TV and somehow manage to eat the apple without getting some mask on it.  
While waiting for the 15 minutes to be up, I also check Twitter again, I retweet some tweets and like one about Sebastian - I personally still hate having to like tweets I favor, so my liking rate is quite low.

Washing of the mask is always quite interesting, special when you get some of the mask mixed with water into your eyes or in your mouth - even though they smell awesome, they absolutely do not taste good at all.

Feeling fresh and clean, I call the number Paolo wrote down and it takes me a bit to convince the lady that I'm really me and that this call is absolutely not a joke, and after what feels like an hour, I finally have someone on the phone.

”Hey there.” I almost fall down the sofa when I regocnise the voice at the other end as Pascal's. ”What the actual hell are you doing?” He laughs and I scoff. ”Don't you ever dare to scare the shit out of me like this again.” Of course, that only makes him laugh harder and I roll my eyes. ”So, what are those good news? God, I swear, stop laughing or I-”, he cuts me off and this time, I really fall down. ”Would you like to honour me with your presence as my team mate at the Italian Grand Prix?”

It takes me a moment, or two, maybe even three, to realise what he just said. ”Are you serious?” This must be a joke, he just can't be serious. As a half Italian, the Italian Grand Prix is _the_  traditional home Grand Prix for me this season and racing there with my whole family there is absolutely something I look forward - but this soon? Didn't they say their test driver would be fit by then? ”Of course I am serious, her injuries are apparently worse than expected. Plus you really proved yourself and we all think it would be shame to not let you drive your home Grand Prix.”

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. ”I take that as a yes then.” Adorably, he chuckles and I take a deep breath. ”You don't have to ask me, of course I would love to do that.” My voice is shaking, my heart's beating extremely fast and I really don't want and can't believe it. ”Awesome! By the way, I already called your school, so I wouldn't have accepted a no. Someone will pick you up tomorrow, so you should have packed by then. I think that was it, and if not, I got your number from your file which is absolutely interesting by the way.” I slightly laugh and shake my head, he's unbelievable.

A few more sentences are exchanged before we both hang up and the first thing I do is screaming as loud as I can. Don't know what, but something comes over me and then, I break down in tears. It's unbelievable - six weeks ago, I didn't know if I would have a team next season and now, I am driving for Sauber at the Italian Grand Prix in two weeks.

After my little crying session, I wipe away the tears and take a few deep breath.

To: Matteo ™  
Hi

To: Matteo ™  
You just got a text of Sauber's driver for the Italian Grand Prix and for the rest of this season lol 

To: Paolo  
You should do a public screening for the Italian Grand Prix

From: Paolo  
Why that?

To: Paolo  
People might want to see me beating everyone elses asses at the Italian Grand Prix

From: Paolo  
WHAT?

To: my dude ♥  
Remember when I told you about really wanting to drive at the Italian Grand Prix at least once? Well guess what ...

To: Sebastian :)  
Hope you're ready to share your attention at Ferrari's home Grand Prix because it's my home Grand Prix as well

To: The Hulk  
I'll beat you in two weeks and I can't wait :)

To: LH 44  
My family's ready to sing the national hymn in two weeks near you

To: MaxBull  
In two weeks, you'll see my car in front of you duh and not the other way around

To: Iceman  
Let's make a bet: who will be celebrated more at the Italian Grand Prix?

To: DanBull  
Sunnyboy, in Italy the sun won't be shining for you but for "Italy's new hope"

To: stranger I share DNA with  
Italian Grand Prix in two weeks - please don't come, thank you very much

\---

One and a half hour later, Sauber officially announces that I will join them again for Italy - and the reactions are even better, even though I didn't believe that was possible. I quickly retweet the tweet and like a few congratulation-tweets before putting my phone away.

Because now, it's time to pack and I haven't even unpacked my bag. I turn my music on and being to unpack and pack at the same time and surprisingly, it somehow works. Then I bring my laundry away and sit down on the couch again - it's 11:55 am, Paolo will be home any minute.

The only one who hasn't congratulated me yet was Mick - and it hurts. It's probably Laura's fault and not his, but it still hurts. 

The door opens and prevents me from getting close to an aniexty attack. ”Bella!”, yells Paolo and I laugh, stand up and run to him. “You're serious?“ He still seems in some kind of shock and I just nod and hug him. “That's amazing! God, I'm so proud of you.“ Gently, he hugs me back and we stay like this for a bit, I wipe away a few tears and he mumbles in my ear how he had always known I would be there one day.

Then, we go downstairs and he tells the chef and all the waiters the good news. They all congratulate me as well and Leonardo, the chef who works here for 10 years, announces he will cook my favourite pasta for dinner.

Everyone who works at the restaurant is a part of our family, they eat with us, sometimes even sleep with us and they know always what's going on. We help each other out, Daniela for example can't work at the moment because her father could be dying every minute and instead of firing her, we support her, because she's a part of our huge and weird family.

I sit down on one of the tables for two persons and watch them cleaning and making everything ready for today's guests. ”Bella, can you check the new delivery of tomatoes?” Tuesday is the day of the week where we get the ingredients for the next week, so it's one of the most stressful days - we have to make sure every delivery comes up with our expectations which are apparently quite high. ”Sure thing.”

The delivery guy already knows me and cuts one tomato in slices. ”Congratulations for P6”, he comments while I try one of the slices and nod, that's exactly how we want our tomatoes to be. ”Thanks. Let me guess, they come directly from Italy?” He looks suprised and I sign the papers laughing. "Have a good trip back.”

After putting the delivery away, I high five Leandro on my way upstairs for no particular reason - we just do it sometimes because we can. 

\---

”Bella!” Matteo runs upstairs and I giggle when he runs into my open arms. ”Gurl I'm so unbelievable proud of you!” He kisses my whole face and I let him. ”I already cancelled all my plans for the weekend because fuck it, my cousin's driving at the Italian Grand Prix.” Proudly, he looks at me and I give him a thankful smile. ”Thanks, Mat.”

\---

The rest of the evening was quite uneventful, until dinner. Matteo and I helped out downstairs and Lewis texted me he would call me around 9 pm - I really don't know why, but I hope he didn't find out who the guy I share DNA is.

Now it's 7:30 pm and we all sit downstairs at the biggest table of the restaurant, the waiters try to share the work equally and Leonardo's brother helps him out in the kitchen so he can eat with us.

My aunt and Matteo's brothers all just came home from work and Paolo opens one of the most expensive wine bottles he has. It's nice to have them all at one table, I talk about the Bulgarian Grand Prix and listen to what they have to tell. Leonardo comes in with a huge bowl of pasta and we all cheer, earning weird looks from our guests. ”Wait a second”, says Paolo and I look at him confused.

He grabs a microphone and I really want to hide right now, this absolutely doesn't look good. ”Ladys and Gentlemen”, he pauses and looks around, ”for those who don't know, I am Paolo, the owner of this restaurant.” Someone starts clapping and we all join in. ”In case you're wondering why we're celebrating today, my niece Isabella is driving for Sauber at the Italian Grand Prix as the teammate of Pascal Wehrlein and she has to leave for simulator work tomorrow.”

I try to hide behind Matteo, but he moves away from me and I can feel all those glares on my skin. ”We're really terribly sorry if our service isn't like you're used to or if we annoy you, but because of today's celebration, your dessert is free!” Most of the guests gasp and clap again while I chuckle slightly, that's so Paolo.

After dinner, I go up to my room and take a deep breath before calling Lewis, it's 9 sharp and I really want to go to bed.

”Hamilton”, he answers and I chuckle. ”Rossi, you wanted to talk to me about something?” I hear him cursing and he closes a door behind him. ”Uh yeah, right, can you please keep it a secret?” Confused, I nod and then mentally slap myself - he can't see me. ”Sure, so, what's up?”

His voice is shaking a bit, this must be really serious to him and I make myself comfortable on my bed. ”So there's this guy. I've known him for years but I always thought about him as a rival of mine. But now he retired and I'm not sure if those feelings are rivalry or more.”

”Oh my God, I read so many Fanfictions about you and Nicole being together, and now you want to tell me you might feel more for him?” I really don't know if I should cry or laugh - so I do none of that and try to keep my fanfiction reading fangirl deep inside me calm. ”He visited the team a few times this year and I don't know how to describe it, but it felt like there were airplanes flying around in my stomach.”

”But he has Vivian and Alaïa and you don't want to destroy his family, right?” Frustrated, he sighs and I feel bad for him, loving your teammate must be really though. ”Yeah, he loves them two with all his heart and hell, he doesn't even like me. This is so messed up, I'm sorry.”

We both don't say a word for a few minutes and I sighed quietly before answering. ”If you only knew how messed up things really were. You should figure out what you really feel for him and I don't know, if you really feel more for him, maybe start with a dinner because you want his opinion on something, maybe the potential new drivers for Mercedes or stuff like that.“ A yawn passes my lips and he chuckles.

“Thank you, Isa, this really means a lot to me that you don't ... freak out. Good night and sleep tight.“ With that, he ends the call and I fall asleep with my phone still in my hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What do you think about the phone call between Isabella and Lewis? (I don't bite, I swear.)


	8. wednesday | Hinwil

At 11 am, I finally arrive at the team's base in Hinwil. Pascal and Sauber's CEO, Monisha Kaltenborn, wait outside for me and he hugs me the second I'm out of the cab. “I missed you“, he mumbled against my forehead and I chuckle. “It's been two days, you dork.“ 

When he finally releases me, Monisha greets me and hands me a Sauber sweatshirt made of sporty fabric. “We heard you like your pullovers and sweatshirts oversized, so ... “, she trails of and I smile wide. “Wow, thank you so much.“ In awe, I look at it closely and Pascal laughs. “Your other clothes are inside but I really wanted you to get this first, so you can change and I can show you around in a partner look.“ 

Cheekily, he smiles at me and takes my bags. “C'mon, get changed, we don't have all day.“ “You're unbelievable“, I say, kiss his cheek and quickly make my way inside. 

After I changed into this super amazing Sauber sweatshirt, we make some photos with the whole crew - and the car. Pascal stands behind me while I sit on the left front tire, the whole crew stands behind the car with Monisha in front of them. We both have our helmets and we have to take lots of photos because we often laugh for no reason or look at each other. 

Monisha herself tweets the best picture and I beam with pride, I don't know what this means but I absolutely like it. “I would like to talk to you before lunch, if that is alright.“ Confused, I nod and Pascal pats my back before I follow the CEO into her office. “Take a seat, please.“ 

I do as I am told and look around, this looks super fancy. “Come in, Tatiana.“ Sauber's test driver, Tatiana Noguera, comes in and now, I'm super confused. She sits down as well and Monsiha stands at the top of the table. ”Tatiana and I talked a lot those last few days, as you can imagine, she would love to drive for us as well.” She pauses and I nod again, of course she would love to do that. 

”But she saw what you did during the Bulgarian Grand Prix after the pit stop, she saw the talent we all see in you.” I slightly blush and Monisha takes a deep breath. ”Yes, I would love to do my job, but I think you have better chances”, Tatiana states, ”if we give you the chance to prove yourself for more than one race, you can really find your place there - which I won't. I will always be just a reserve driver, and that's why I would let you drive for Marcus for the rest of this season.” 

In disbelief, I stare at the two woman and I really don't know what to say. ”This has still time, you don't have to decide that now, it's a though decision for a seventeen years old girl, but I just want you to know that we are willing to offer you the second car for this season.” 

Tatiana chuckles slightly and stands up. ”Good luck, Isabella, it was a honour to meet you.” The Columbian levels the room and Monisha smiles at me. ”Let's join the others for lunch, alright?”

\--- 

”What did she want from you?”, asks Pascal while showing me around after lunch. ”She actually offered me to be your teammate for the rest of this season.” This sounds so surreal, someone really wants me to drive for their Formula One team. ”Really? That's awesome!”, he exclaims and I chuckle slightly. ”Yeah, but I'm not sure if that works with school.” 

Personally, I would absolutely leave school for Formula One - but my mom made me promise to at least finish school, and I don't want to break a promise. ”What about homeschooling?” He smiles proud of himself when he realises I absolutely didn't think about that. "You might be my saviour.” 

”Then let's continue with the tour because it's far from over!” 

\--- 

”Hey Paolo”, I say and I hear him yelling for silence. ”Bella, what's up?” Pascal next to me gives me a sympathetic smile and I take a deep breath. ”They offered me the opportunity to drive for Sauber for the rest of this season.” 

My uncle doesn't say a word for a few minutes and I chuckle. ”That's huge, I know. And Pascal had the idea of homeschooling, so I don't have to break the promise I gave mom. Yes, I know you want to me finish school in Monaco bu-” ”Do it, Bella. If everything goes completely wrong, you can still finish school later. Do it and I'll inform myself about the homeschooling programmes, alright?” 

I'm speechless - I really didn't expect him to agree this quick. ”Thank you, Mr. Rossi, Isabella is kind of speechless right now”, says Pascal and grabs my phone. ”Sure, I'll take care of her, bye!” 

Smirking, he ends the call, hands me my phone back and hugs me. ”This season will be so awesome!” 

\--- 

At 4 pm, we officially announce it and it feels bloody amazing. Together with Monisha and Pascal, I do another press conference, press photos and sign my first few autographs and it is just so damn exciting - Nico was right about that. 

”I really think we should celebrate that”, comments Pascal with a wink and I roll my eyes. ”Should we?” I yawn and he chuckles. ”Yeah, and after that you can finally get some sleep.” 

Some crew members decide to join us, as well as Monisha and Tatiana, and while they discuss who drives and who not, Pascal and I do some weird celebration selfies and he makes the weirdest one as his new profile pic on Twitter. 

“God, are you serious?“ Playfully, I slap his chest and he laughs. “I'm not God, I'm Pascal, but yes, I'm very serious.“ Eyes rolling, I chuckle and shake my head. “You're unbelievable.“ 

“Are you two lovebirds coming?“, yells a crew member and I want to comment the 'lovebird' part, but Pascal just shouts “sure thing“, grabs my hand and quickly goes to the others. 

Did Fernando mean Pascal? What the Spanish said about young guys crushing apparently hard on me doesn't let me go, I luckily never had to deal with a crush before but what if my teammate really has a crush on me? That's impossible, he knows how to be professional. 

“Are you with me?“ Confused, I look at him and he grins. “You were so lost in thoughts, what did you think about?“ I decide to not tell him and shrug instead. “Mick, he has this girlfriend I absolutely hate and he doesn't answer my texts“, I blurt out and he nods, holding the car door open for me. 

\--- 

The sushi restaurant is full and so I almost sit on his lap, but it's alright. As long as I don't freak out, it's absolutely alright. To make it more comfortable for the two of us, he puts his left arm around me and pulls me closer and I decide to ignore the weird looks we get. “I'm glad it's you and not Tatiana“, he mumbles against my neck and I get goosebumps. “Cute.“ 

We order our food and chat with the crew for a bit, lots of them are from Italy and send by Ferrari. So we talk in Italian and everyone else looks more likely confused when we laugh about something. Pascal as the stubborn guy he apparently is, always makes me translate every single work, so the rest of the group understands it as well. 

Finally, the sushi arrives and I'm glad because that means I don't have to translate right now. “Good appetite!“ 

The sushi's amazing, I steal some sushi from the German after I ate my sushi and giggle quietly when he starts fighting with me for his food - at the end, I win and the others cheer while I enjoy the last rolls of sushi. Monisha explains Sauber will pay for the dinner and we all clap, this crew is absolutely amazing. 

An older mechanic offers the two of us a ride to our hotel and we both agree. “It's really an honour to meet you“, he says as I sit down on the back seat and smiles, “we all know you'll become one of the best drivers the world has ever seen one day, so it's really a honour to be able to watch you that close from the very first minute of your Formula One career.“ 

Speechless and suprised, I look at him and blush, why does everyone think so good of me? Pascal looks confused, mainly because he just doesn't understand Italian and probably because of my reactions as well. “You just can't unsee the talent you have, it's like racing is in your DNA!“


	9. thursday | italian grand prix

The last week was full of simulator work, promotion stuff and of course, the fitting. I got to know the car better, Mick and I argued a lot and the last message I got from him was from Laura before I got blocked. But right now, I couldn't care less and yesterday evening, we drove to Monza - it was way quicker than with a plane plus the crew was just amazing.

For the weekend, we stay at my family's hotel - yes, we actually have a whole hotel for ourselves now and it's amazing.

”Darliiiiiiiiing”, Pascal sings and I groan, how can an _actual human being_ be so fit at 6 am? ”Let me sleep.” I burry my head into the pillow and he chuckles. ”C'mon, sleepyhead, it's your first of four big days.” Laughing, he pulls my covers away and I roll my eyes, I sometimes really wish I could actually hate him. ”Oh, I hate you too.”

With a frustrated moan, I give up and throw the pillow in his face. ”Let's pretend this is my thank you for waking me up at an inhumanly time.” But he only chuckles and I slap his chest before standing up. ”So, what about breakfast?”

Being the lazy person I am, I decide to go downstairs in my super comfortable boxers and a wide tee - it's not like they didn't see me like this before. ”You look so cute when you're still sleepy.” The older mechanic - Andrea - joins us and to annoy my fellow teammate, we talk in Italian.

\---

After breakfast, I change into my Sauber Sweater and some jeans and my aunt drives me to the circuit, again, I have to be there earlier than the rest for some reasons I don't know.

In front of the drivers' and crew entrance, there are fans waiting and I sigh, this could be interesting. When they notice me, they luckily stay calm, they're around 20 and so I take my time to sign their stuff and chat a bit with them. But suddenly, they all freak out and I'm in the middle of them. I try to find my way out, but it's hopeless, the girls behind me are pressing me into the girls in front of me. ”Lewis! Lewis!”, they yell and I roll my eyes - of course it has to be Lewis.

”Guys, let her go.” Confused, I try to get a look at the Mercedes driver but they're literally giants. ”Isabella is somewhere in the crowd, let her go and I'll sign your stuff.”

They somehow really let me out and the British gives me a worried look. ”Thanks”, I gasp and he just nods. ”Go inside, I'll come in a few.” What does _that_ mean again?

Netherless, I show the security guy my identification badget and he looks at me with a nasty look on his face. ”Go back to the kitchen where you belong, this is a sport for men, and only for men.” Those comments aren't absolutely not new to me, so I just give him my cutest and fakest smile ever and pass the gate. ”Hopefully your wife and daughters know what you really think of feminism.”

I don't expect an answer, so I leave the area of the entrance quickly and put my sunglasses on. ”I'm sorry about the fans.” In surprise, I wince and Lewis chuckles. ”Are you alright?” He moves his sunglasses a bit down and looks at me and I nod. ”Yeah, it's not my first time being caught in a group of fans, they saw Michael coming toward us ...”, I don't end the story, but he seems to get it. ”Wasn't that at the German Grand Prix in 2011?”

He laughs when I look at him, utterly suprised and confused why he knows when it happened. ”Michael made Nico and me stay with you two during his press conference, but you were completely knocked out from trying to get out of the group.” It made sense no one told be about it before and I try to stay calm. ”And I remember Nico was acting super weird that day.”

Said person suddenly appears in front of us and I roll my eyes slightly. ”When did I act weird?”, Nico asks his former teammate and I notice Max leaving the RedBull Paddock. ”It was nice to talk to you, even though the topic wasn't, but I have to talk to Max about something.” Before one of them can protest, I'm on my way to the Netherlander.

”Don't act like you didn't see me because I know you did.” He slows down a bit and I sigh in relief, this is a good sign - isn't it? ”What do you want?” His voice sounds raw, tired and slightly cold. ”Actually, I want to talk about what happened at Seb's Party.”

I stand in front of him and he sighs. ”Alright, but I don't think there's much to talk about.” Quickly, he follows me into the Sauber Paddock and we sit down in the sitting area. ”Your father's fuc-” ” _Don't_ say his name, please. No one expect my family knows and I would like to keep it this way.”

Placing my sunglasses on the table, I look into his eyes and he seems unsure about what to do now. ”We just share DNA.” Frustrated, he sighs and looks at me for the first time today. ”But he's, he's just _him_ and knowing he's your father is really weird. Specially if we continued to hang out.”

”Who's your father?”, asks Pascal - I didn't notice him arriving here and I really want the ground to open up and to swallow me _right here and now._ ”My mom wrote me a letter for my 18th birthday but I opened it already and Max thinks he figured out who my father could be”, I lie and pray the RedBull driver won't blow my cover. ”Why didn't you ask me?”

”The letter was written in a mix of German and Dutch and so she asked me to translate it”, answers Max for me and I smile at him thankful. ”Yeah, I didn't trust Google translator.”

Pascal chuckles and I sigh in relief, seems like my secret is safe for a while. ”Makes sense, but you know I'm always there if you need me, right?” The tension is weird, both of them are acting weird and the glares they give each other are weird as well and so I only nod. ”Sure.”

For what feels like minutes, no one dares to talk and it's my teammate who breaks this uncomfortable silence. ”Uh, I just wanted to ask if you're ready for going on the track.” Thankful for the change of the topic, I nod and stand up. ”I'll check on Daniel”, mutters Max and quickly leaves our Paddock.

\---

I knock on the door of Sebastian's changing room - Pascal thought it would be a nice idea to do the walk on the track together with our fellow Germans, and while he waits for Nico, I have to stand those weird looks from Ferrari mechanics. “You don't have to wait for me, I'll join you guys in a second.”

Eyes rolling, I sigh and go downstairs, and just as I want to leave the paddock, Kimi leaves Sebastian's changing room. ”See you i- oh, hi Isabella”, he freezes and stares at me. His hair is a complete mess, his cheeks are red and his sweater is put on back to front - I know what they just _did_. ”Oh, uh ... I actually just wanted to leave, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.” I smile at him and leave quickly.

”Seb's coming in a few”, I announce and try to not think about what just happened. ”Why are you so red?” Nico slaps Pascal and I chuckle. ”Oh, I discussed my desicions with a guy and he really pissed me off”, I lie, again, and I really feel bad for lying, but those secrets can't be revealed. ”His life must be really boring.” 

Sebastian joins us a few minutes later and he mumbles a ”thank you” under his breath when the other two aren't looking. Finally, we go on the track and I'm not sure if this is the way of secretly thanking me or if he just wants to be nice - but he exactly tells me when he brakes and how, when he speeds up and when he doesn't. And I'm really thankful for that, because my favourite driving style and his are quite similar, so I don't have to figure that out tomorrow during the practises.

Then, it's time for the first one of two driver briefings. At first, they welcome me for the rest of the season and everyone - expect Lance, of course, who prefers to stare at me like I'm an animal in his private zoo - congratulates me again. Fernando pats my back and I chuckle quietly.

We discuss the track, the perfect round and all the other stuff. Max often looks at me and Pascal next to me seems super confused. ”Is everything alright?”, he mumbles and I nod, even though everything's far from being alright right now.

After the quite boring briefing, Lewis waits at the door. ”Can we talk later?” It's about Nico, I can tell, it's the way he looks while speaking. ”Sure, just text me when you're finished, alright?” He pulls me into a quick hug and releases me before I can realise what happens. ”Thanks.”

I leave the room and chuckle slightly when I notice Sebastian and Kimi waiting for me as well. ”Are you free for a bit?”, asks the Finn and it's cute how nervous they both are. ”For you? Always.” Cheekily, I grin and he chuckles. ”Good.”

I follow them into Kimi's changing room and they both seem to not be sure how to start this rather uncomfortable talk. ”First of all, you really don't have to worry about your secret being revealed, it's super safe with me. Plus, I think it's cute.” Sebastian turns red and Kimi pulls him close. ”How long ...?”

”It started with flirting while he was driving for RedBull, but since he's my teammate we are kind of a couple.” In awe, I watch them both and smile, they're really cute. ”Congratulations, but do your wi-” ”They were hurt and angry at first, but now they accept it. It's weird, but we stayed best friends.” Even though I have much more questions but they still seem quite uncomfortable. ”I'll let you two lovebirds”, I can't suppress a giggle, ”alone, but if you ever need an excuse for a date, invite me, give me a burger and I will happily ignore your romantic talking.” Kimi ruffles through my hair and I leave the room laughing.

\---

Pascal has to leave earlier because of something he doesn't want to tell me, and so I sit in the pit lane on my own, watching the mechanics doing their job.

”Hey.” Max stands in front of me and smiles weakly. ”Listen, I'm sorry for being such an asshole, if someone understands your wish of keeping your father a secret, it should be me.” Nervously, he chuckles and I look up to him. ”If you ever have to urge to talk about _the guy you share DNA with,_ I'm just a phone call away, all right?”

”Thanks.” He offers me his hand and I grab it to stand up. ”Stoffel and I usually sit on the track and watch the sun going down on the Thursdays, do you want to join us?”, he whispers against my forehead and I nod blushing.

Somehow I have absolutely no problem with letting them near me and it slightly freaks me out. Normally, I don't let a stranger touch me, but here I am, in Max' arm.

\---

An hour later, he, Stoffel and I sit on the track with healthy stuff, somehow they even got some blankets and pillows to make it more comfortable. I sit between them and we talk a lot, about racing, about how it all started and about God and the world in general.

It's great with then, really, and I somehow manage to fall asleep while watching the sun going down, leaning on Stoffel's shoulder while sitting on Max' lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm thinking about writing everything which is not spoken in English in Italics so it's easier to understand, what do you think? And what do you think, who's the guy Isabella shares DNA with? (Again, I don't bite, I swear.)


	10. friday | italian grand prix

At 6 am, I'm already a nervous wreck. A nervous and excited wreck. 4 hours until I'm going to be out on the track on the first time in my car here in Italy. The Belgian Grand Prix was nice and absolutely exciting, but this is my home Grand Prix.

My whole family's going to be there the whole weekend, this is the country where I had my first karting and racing experiences. Lots of people know me because of my family's business, because of the hotel, the karting track, my cousin aka the the major of Rome and because of my success here.

”Isabella?” Pascal opens the door and seems suprised about me being already fully dressed and ready. ”Why are you already awake?” I think about asking him the same question, but it's somehow obvious he just can't sleep anymore - he is probably not that used to the Italian weather.  ”It's becoming serious, eh?” He, still in his boxershorts and a loose shirt, sits down on my bed and I sigh.

Mentally, I yell at him for always knowing what's going on, but I have to act cool, I can't let him know how nervous I really am. ”Let me guess”, he takes a deep breath and looks a bit worried at me, ”you always had to act like you don't know what nervousness is and now you think you still have to prove the whole world that.” Instead of answering and stating the obvious, I groan and throw a pillow at him.

”The days before my first German Grand Prix, I was literally dying because I was so fucking nervous. It's absolutely normal before the first home Grand Prix, and you're double fucked if there's a German Grand Prix next year as well.” Slightly, he chuckles and my eyes wide, I totally forgot that.

”Oh God, no.” I hide my face into the pillow which didn't have a date with Pascal yet and he pats my back. ”It's just until you sit in your car, then you're back in your tunnel, completely focused and everything else doesn't really matter.”

Probably, he's right, but it's still freaking me out. ”Believe me, you're going to be alright.” I nod and he smiles. ”Let's have some breakfast, alright?”

\---

According to him, it only makes it worse to be at the circuit way too early, so we arrive at 9:40 am, which gives us enough time to talk a bit with the mechanics and to change into our racing overall and surprisingly, it really works.

Because, as soon as I'm in my overall, I know it's going to be serious in a few minutes, so there's absolutely no time for dealing with nervousness.

I out everything on and quickly climb into my car, take a deep breath and put the helmet on. Then, I put the steeling wheel in its normal position and follow Pascal, from the pit lane onto the track. It seems to become kind of a ritual, me following him out of the garage. 

This circuit is something like a second home to me. Thanks to my cousin's fame in Italy as Rome's youngest mayor since 19-something, the owner of the circuit used to let me practice here with my karts and cars during the winter months, so I should have a small advantage - even the track is way hotter right now, I probably know it better than everyone else.

\---

After both practice sessions, I'm absolutely happy. Again, the car felt amazing and with a huge smile on my face, I make my way to the press conference. This time, I'm already way more relaxed and I know what's going to happen.

The group is presented and again, everyone does this 'Ladies first' gestic and eyes rolling, I enter the room, still in my overall.

Again, Pascal and I are seated in the front row, this time, Sebastian and Kimi are on my left and Max and Lewis are behind me - great, having all the people I share secrets with at my first press conference on Italian ground. A quiet sigh passes my lips and it seems like the Ferrari driver knows what goes through my head, because he whispers a quiet “sorry“ when he's sure no one could hear us.

Again, the first questions are for the Mercedes, RedBull and Ferrari drivers, how it felt for them, what they expect from the weekend - the basics. Then, it becomes more serious. They ask about Sebastian's and Kimi's experience here at Ferrari's home Grand Prix and I already know what's coming next.

“But it's not only your team's home Grand Prix this weekend, Isabella, what do you expect from your first home Grand Prix ever?“, asks a journalist with an Spanish accent, she has really problems with the pronunciation and I give her a smile before answering on Spanish to make it easier for her. “Well, of course the atmosphere's going to be absolutely mind blowing, the fans are going to be mind blowing as well. The car felt great today, let's see what the weekend brings, because I feel totally ready to frustrate some of the Gentleman around me.“

Everyone expect Fernando looks suprised and shocked at me and he laughs quietly. “What the hell, how many languages do you speak?“, blurts Max and I smirk. “Italian and German are my two native languages, then English, Spanish, French and a bit Greek. Spanish and Greek are the native languages of two of my cousins' wifes and they teached me their language while I teached them Italian.“

Fernando and I high five and Sebastian chuckles. “Can someone please translate what she just said?“ Daniel is super confused and the Spaniard laughs. “She said she's ready to kick your ass.“

The rest of the press conference is quite chaotic; Fernando talks in Spanish with me, Max constantly wants to know some swearing words in Spanish and Italian and with Sebastian and Pascal, I talk German. For the journalists, it must be one of the worst press conferences ever in history, but for me, it's super funny.

“Bella!“, shouts Fernando when we're out and I grin. “¿Sí Nando?“ Kimi groans and dramatically puts his left hand onto his forehead. ”Kid, you're giving me a fucking headache with all those languages.” Sebastian and I share a look and we both smirk cheekily at the Finn. ”You're welcome,  _Eismann.”_ We both break out in laugher and I high five him - it's super hilarious because in Germany, there are two big companies that are bringing frozen food to your home and they're called _„Bofrost”_ and _„Eismann” -_ but „ _Eismann”_ is also the exact translation of  _'Iceman'._

Lewis shakes his head at the two of us and I turn around to him. ”So, do you want to do this Champion-Rookie talk now or later?”

At first, he looks confused, but then he understands it and sighs. ”Now.” Playing my role, I try to look as frustrated as possible and roll my eyes. ”Great.” 

I nod and tell Pascal to drive to the hotel without me, I would somehowin manage to get back without him. Then, the Britian and I look for a quiet and private place to talk and find it on the roof of the Mercedes Paddock.

”Did you know he's here?” Surprised and shocked, I look at him and shake my head, no, I didn't know that. ”Met him yesterday at the lobby, that's why I didn't call you. According to him, he just can't miss the Italian Grand Prix with this awesome atmosphere. I'm sorry for not calling you, but I was so done after meeting him and when I was ready to talk, it was late and I didn't want to stop you from sleeping.” 

Frustrated, he sits down and I really don't know what to say, so I just tell him what I think: ”That sucks. It doesn't make it easier for you to figure out what you really feel about him, does it?” Slightly, he shakes his head and I sit down next to him. ”Maybe you should just really invite him to dinner. Ask him about rookies, tell him someone wants your help with deciding on a new driver - maybe Williams because of Felipe's final retirement? - and you're not sure about your desicion. It has to be the you he thinks he knows and well, I don't know, I suck at love.”

A bitter chuckle leaves my lips and he looks confused. ”Why do you think that?” I take a deep breath and swallow hard. ”My mom's last boyfriend a-”, I stop and take a deep breath, this is harder than I thought, ”he abused me and used love as an excuse for it, so love is absolutely not my thing.”

He wants to say something, but I stop him and shake my head almost panicking. ”Don't be sorry or something like that, it only makes it worse. You didn't know it and it's alright, I have to talk about it sooner or later - and it's probably helpful if someone already knows about it. Plus it makes me kind of live in the past and I hate it, so keep it in mind or not, I don't care, but don't be sorry for something which has absolutely nothing to do with you.” 

After a while in comfortable silence, we speak about literally everything which isn't love and it feels good, he's absolutely not the asshole guy he seemed to be on TV.

And he even brings me to the hotel and talks with my family, who loves him surprisingly from the first second on.

”Good night and sleep tight, Bella, the weekend will be hard.” Playfully, I slap him and he chuckles. ”Yeah, for you because I'm absolutely ready to kick some arses. I hope you can sleep well, you're not used to the Italian weather, are you?” Unsurprisingly, he shakes his head and I smirk. ”Then we both won't probably get much sleep, but for different reasons.” Before I can continue my ramblings, he chuckles and pushes me softly into the elevator. 

”You really need to get some sleep, good night Bella and thanks for listening, it feels good to have someone to talk about _him_. If you ever need someone to talk, I'm just a phone call away, alright?” 


	11. saturday | italian grand prix

”Wakey wakey, Sleepyhead.” Tired, I look at Pascal and hide under my covers. ”Don't want to get up.” A yawn passes my lips and he chuckles. ”Well, that's a shame because it's Qualifying day”, he sings and steals my covers. ”It's already eight, we let you sleep longer again, but you really need to get ready now. I promise you, you'll be fine.”

He rifles through my clothes and throws a Hoodie, a pair of Boyfriend Jeans and a back bra on my bed. ”Are you serious?”, I groan and he kisses my forehead. ”For you, I'm absolutely serious. If you're not ready in ten, I'll help you.” With a wink, he leaves me alone and I sigh, put on the clothes he chose and have enough time left to quickly cromb through my hair.

”Ready or not, I'm coming in!” Dramatically, he comes in with his eyes closed and I slap his arm, hard. ”Ow, what was that for?” Shrugging, I kiss his cheek, grab my phone and leave the room. ”That was for being an idiot.”

During the ride, no one dares to talk; today it's hotter than yesterday, so the car might feel different and I go through the possible set ups. My main worry is that there's the possibility of rain during the race, which makes it only more difficult.

At the circuit, we quickly pass the entrance and I roll my eyes at the security guy from yesterday and show my identification badget to his colleague as a protest, even though it must look quite silly.

On our way to the paddock, we don't speak, we both follow our own train of thoughts. ”I give you two five minutes!”, announces a mechanic as soon as we enter the paddock and while Pascal chuckles, I quickly make my way up to my changing room.

Exactly 4 minutes and 50 seconds later, I'm downstairs again and high five the mechanic. ”Sorry, it's more difficult than you imagine to get this thing on.” Pascal comes down and I roll my eyes. ”Don't roll your eyes at me, I hurried so I can say hi to your lovely family before practice.”

So we greet my family together, I mostly speak I Italian to annoy him and he even tries to talk in Italian - he fails, badly, but it makes my family apparently loving him even more and I promise myself to never forget this moment to annoy him in a few weeks with what he wanted to say and what he really said.

Someone yells ”it's time”, they wish us luck and Matteo joins us on our short walk to the garage. ”Heard you're leaving me alone at school.” Pouting, he looks at me and I shrug. ”It's not like I'm there that often.” Slightly, he chuckles and I slap his arm. ”That was for being yourself aka the biggest idiot I know.”

We arrive at the garage and the crew cheers, I high five my slash Marcus' crew and I stick my tongue out at my teammate. ”Your crew will never be as cool as mine.” Matteo laughs and pulls me into a hug. ”Don't even think about starting a discussion with her you can't win, it won't end well for you.” So Pascal just ruffles through my hair and my cousin whishes me good luck before letting me go.

As usual, I climb into the car and take a deep breath, I know I have to use the given time to get to know the hot track and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to the amount of sweat. ”Have fun, guys”, shouts someone and I chuckle while putting on my helmet and bringing the steeling wheel in the right position.

It's becoming a thing, me following Pascal from the garage onto the track and then overtaking him as fast as I can. 

\---

Those ninety minutes weren't absolutely not made for me. The car didn't feel as good as yesterday and I struggled with the tires - those super high temperatures around 40° Celcius weren't the best for my favourite way of driving.

Frustrated, I climb out of the car, place my helmet on a desk and throw my gloves on it as well before making my way out of the garage. Yes, I know everyone has a bad day once a while and that it's probably absolutely normal to struggle with high temp like this, but it still pisses me off somehow.

I ignore Matteo - he just doesn't understand it, he would just tell me to calm down which I absolutely can't right now - and go straight into my changing room.

Getting changed would be stupid because in less than three hours, I'm going to sit in my car again and getting out of the sweaty overall takes probably about half an hour. Plus, then it's only more disgusting to change into the overall and the fireproof underwear again - it's already sticky and sweaty then, and I just don't want to put it on then.

So I just tie it around my waist, sit down and let out a frustrated groan. It's my _first_ home Grand Prix ever, it feels like everyone expects me being in the top ten and it only frustrates me more. Someone knocks on my door and I sigh. ”It's open.”

I expect everyone, but absolutely not Lance. My lower jaw almost hits the ground, at least it feels like it, and I don't know what to say nor how to react. ”Hey.”  
He closes the door and I want to tell him to open it again, so there would be witnesses who could justify he just somehow fell out of the window - but I can't. Instead of saying something stupid like usual, I just stare at him, completely speechless. My mouth's dry and I really don't know why he's in there. ”Congratulations.”

Confused, I look at him and he sighs. ”For the seat, it must be a huge thing for you.” It's strange, having him here in my changing room and I quickly hide my bra under my shirt. ”Uh yeah, it is. Thanks.”

Nervously, he smiles at me and I swallow. ”So, why are you here?” I cross my arms in front of my torso and he swallows. ”Felipe and I had an argument yesterday. Just like you, he ... uh ... doesn't seem to like my dad being my main sponsor and stuff. By the way, you don't need to hide your bra, remember when we had to share a changing room?” A bitter chuckle passes my lips and I really have to control myself to not throw him out, his presence itself makes me crazy. ”And ... ?”

I stand up and want to open the door as a sign for him to leave, but before I can reach the door, lips are pressed onto mine while my body is pressed against the thin wall.

It takes me a few seconds to realise what's going on and I push him away. ”What the hell?!” His cheeks are turning red and he looks down. ”Fuck, I-I'm sorry”, he mumbles, opens the door and quickly leaves.

I look on my phone, it's 12:05 pm and I take a deep breath before leaving my changing room and the paddock. My therapist would be really proud of me because I know I have to talk about what just happened and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Just when I arrive at the Scuderia's paddock, Kimi stands up and opens the door. ”Is everything alright?”, he asks and I shake my head. ”Actually, everything is far from being alright and that's why I'm here - I need someone I can trust and I can trust the two of you.” With a worried expression on his face, he lets me in and I chuckle slightly when Sebastian joins us with another tablet with food on it. ”You need to be fit for Qualifying.”

We eat in silence for a bit, Kimi's worried glaze never leaving me. ”Stroll just kissed me”, I blurt out after a few minutes and they both stare at me in shock. I tell them the short version of the story and Sebastian sighs. ”Did you feel something?” At first, I shake my head but nod then. ”Well, kind of. I felt disguised because I never wanted to feel his lips onto mine.”

\---

**Qualifying results:**

1\. Vettel (1:18:135)  
2\. Hamilton (1:18:386)  
3\. Raikkonen (1:18:595)  
4\. Wehrlein (1:19:013)  
5\. Bottas (1:19:206)  
6\. Massa (1:19:234)  
7\. Rossi (1:19:267)  
8\. Stroll (1:19:485)  
9\. Verstappen (1:19:498)  
10\. Ricciardo (1:20:003)  
11\. Hulkenberg (1:20:010)  
12\. Perez (1:20:104)  
13\. Gutierrez (1:20:297)  
14\. Ocon (1:20:340)  
15\. Sainz Junior (1:20:400)  
16\. Kyvat (1:20:536)  
17\. Palmer (1:20:675)  
18\. Vandoorne (1:20:858)  
19\. Grosjean (1:20:889)  
20\. Magnussen (1:20:960)

\---

During Qualifying, I wasn't happy with my car again, it just didn't feel right. But under those circumstances, I'm quite happy with P7. Cheering, I congratulate Pascal on P4, Kimi on P3, a not that happy Lewis on P2 and of course Sebastian on his Pole-Position.

Then, I excuse myself and ask one of the mechanics to drive me back - I'm tired and I need some time for myself right now. Tomorrow is going to be interesting with Lance right behind me and while I go up to my room, I sigh frustrated. I do really wish Mick would be here with me.


	12. sunday | italian grand prix (I)

At 5 am, I'm already awake and make my way downstairs - only to meet the strategy guys and a few mechanics sitting in the lobby. ”Hey guys.” They all look at me surprised and I chuckle. ”Yes, I am absolutely aware of the fact it's just 5 am and way too early for me, but I just can't sleep anymore.”

”Don't worry, it's already raining and it doesn't look like it will stop anytime soon.” Now, I'm the one who looks suprised and they laugh - I didn't look out of my window and now I realise I should have probably done that. ”Thanks for letting me know, I guess.”

For the next two hours, we discuss different strategies and we go through my data from the practice sessions and the Qualifying, so I know my weaknesses for the race - even though it's completely different with a wet track, but it calmes down my nerves a bit. 

Then, Pascal comes down and we go jogging for another two hours and I feel way better about the race then I did yesterday. I have always been one of the best drivers when it rained, so it could be very interesting. ”What are you thinking about?”, my teammate asks and I smile at him. ”I just love the rain.” He chuckles and ruffles through my wet hair. ”Thought so when you agreed on joining me.”

When we're back, we both quickly take a hot shower and meet in the lobby at 9:30 am for breakfast. He wears his Sauber Shirt, while I wear the sweater and a mechanic has the urgend need to take a photo of the two of us.

Together with my family and the whole crew, we eat breakfast and it's amazing. I sit between Pascal and Matteo and have to translate, as usual. My mom's oldest brother lives in France, so he constantly mixes French and Italian up, which makes it only more difficult for my teammate to understand him.

It absolutely motivates me, having them all here with me. Knowing they all believe in me and support me no matter what might happen today is calming me down as well as the weather. 

After breakfast, everything's going quick. I hug every single family member, they all wish the two of us luck and then, I'm already sitting in the car. I don't remember what I said a second ago, it feels like I'm in trance or something like that, it's really hard to explain.

My driver sings to the songs that are played in the radio and I listen to him with a smile, I know how a little gesture can lighten up someone's day. ”Good luck”, he says as we arrive at the circuit and I thank him before getting out of the car. It's still raining and I chuckle slightly to myself, this would be a very interesting race - maybe it won't be that bad after all. 

Again, I have to show this dumbass of a security guy my identification badget and he doesn't comment me being a girl - probably because Toto and Niki are just right behind me.

”Good look for today.” The Austrian smiles at me and I blush, I'm still not used to talk to the people I admired on TV just before the summer break. ”Thanks.” I return the smile and Toto pats my back. ”I overhead Stoffel and Valteri talking about you, they know you're a rain specialist. Everyone knows you can be dangerous today. Good luck and enjoy your first home Grand Prix.” Before I can look at him in surprise, he's gone and Niki chuckles. ”Have fun.”

\---

”Bella!” It's 12:30 pm and I can't wait for the moment I finally can sit in my car. _”¿Sí Nando?”_ I turn around to him, only to notice Lance's glace on me. “It's your first home Grand Prix, don't tell me you're not nervous because I know you are.” The memories of his lips onto mine are still present and I feel horrible, why does something like love even exist. ”Then I'll just tell you I'm a nervous wreck.”

Felipe comes out of the Williams' garage, ignores Lance's try to talk to him and joins us without an invitation. ”What did you do to him? Whatever it was, don't stop, his ego had never been this low before.” Laughing about his joke, he doesn't notice the frown on my face. It's Fernando who clears his throat as a sign like ' _dude, absolutely the wrong topic to talk about right now'_. ”Well, _I_ did nothing, but _he_ did something.”

Confused, both men look at me and I swallow. ”Promise me to not freak out, to not tell anyone and to not feel the need to be overprotective about me, alright?” Still confused, they both nod and I sigh quietly. ”He might or might not pressed his lips onto mine yesterday.” The Spaniard clenches his fists and I give him a warning look. ”It's alright, it was just my first kiss since my mom's boyfriend and I don't know, I somehow feel sorry for this spoiled, bratty asshole.”

It's already time for the driver's parade and Fernando persists on helping me onto the car, so I let him and ruffle through his hair before he goes to his. Sebastian's car is driving in front of me while Pascal's driving right behind me and the atmosphere is amazing. Even though it's still raining, it's really full and it fascinates me even more.

There are flags everywhere, as well as posters and the fans are really celebrating us. It's weird being on the track and not in one of the standing areas, but I wouldn't change it. The fans shout our names, there are a lot of _”Forza Ferrari, Forza Italia”_ shouts, as well as _”Forza Seb”_ or _”Forza Kimi”_ and even a few _”Forza Bella”_ shouts and I see Kimi encouraging the crowd to scream more and louder.

The parade ends way to soon and I just jump of my car. Then, we all get exactly ten minutes to change - normally, the driver's parade is earlier, but it got delayed because of the rain and from the paddock after getting into the overall, it goes straight to the national hymn and in the cars.

There I stand, with the nineteen other drivers and proudly sing the national hymn of Italy - by now, I decided to not give a single shit about the weird looks I get. Just like at my first race, I exchange with everyone expect Lance good look wishes - even a few interviewers are wishing me good luck, like Florian from RTL -  and I put on my gloves and the fireproof mask thingy.

Before I climb into the car, I thank the mechanic who has to hold an umbrella over me and he chuckles. ”You're welcome, this is my job, I get paid for this, so there's no reason to thank me, kid.“ For a better grip, I clean my shoes and then quickly climb into the car, which is quite an acrobatic act - it must look very funny and weird. Someone helps with the helmet and I put the wheeling steel in position. I'm ready for this. I've never felt this ready before in my life. 

The installation lap is interesting, the track's super wet and there are a few puddles on the ideal line, but the car feels way better than yesterday and I'm happy with it - plus, I have a reason to not use the ideal line because of said puddles. 

When everyone's back in place, I take a deep breath and wait for the lights to turn green. This is amazing. This is what I tortured myself for the last days, weeks, months. 

This time, the start is quite unspectacular. No one really wants to risk something and I sigh in relief when I see Sebastian driving through the first turn at first, so he didn't mess up his start and there is no crash like last time. Lance luckily stayed behind me - in a way better car - and I'm in my tunnel, the kiss or lips on lips thing is totally forgotten. The adrenaline is pumping through my veins and I love it. I love this race, I love this car, I love this weather. 

\---

It's lap 50 of 53 and I have absolutely no idea what's going on. It's constantly raining, it happily doesn't become worse but it also doesn't become really better, the track's still wet and I'm not driving the ideal line - there are like 90% of the puddles on that line, so it would be dumb to take that extra risk for better times, but I like it this way. Now ever single driver has to find his own ideal line which makes it way ore exiting - at least in my based on the amount of adrenaline in my blood opinion.

I see Sebastian's Ferrari in my rear mirror, he comes closer but can't really get that close to me and I've got free sight. Over the team radio, I was told Ferrari, Williams, Mercedes and RedBull all struggle with their power units, but I only see the fellow German.

Yes, they have this signs to tell me what place I am, but staying on the track is so difficult that I don't want to risk something. “Keep pushing, Lewis has a 15 seconds penalty, you, Sebastian and Pascal are all in that timeframe.“ For a second, I think it's a good joke, but then I dare to look at one the huge monitors. And there's really a freaking _2_ in front of my name. ”Trust me, I'm pushing more than I probably should.”

Just after crossing the line for the second last time this weekend, I see the silver arrow at the end of the straight. Again, I decide to take the risk and look at another huge monitor. It says I have +3 seconds and I chuckle to myself, now I can really show what I'm made of. 

For the last lap, I push even a bit harder, the possibility of reaching the line somehow is quite high now. The car does vibrate more than usual, but it's alright, I couldn't care less. “This is for everyone who told me to give up, who told me I would never win a _real_ race. For me, this is absolutely a real race.“ 

I see the flag. I see the damn flag when I come out of the last turn and I already hear the crew celebrating even though I didn't cross the line yet. Not yet. Lewis crosses it and I follow him one and a half second later. I did it. They congratulate me, they tell me I did a good job, but I'm too flashed to answer.

“Congratulations, Isabella! You just won your first race, this is unbelievable! This day will go down in history as the first Formula One Grand Prix won by a female driver, I'm so proud of you“, I hear Monsiha talking, but I can't believe it. I did it. I freaking did it. I won a damn real Formula One race. I, Isabella Rossi, did it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know this is quite rushed and kind of unrealistically, but a girl can dream, right? Plus, there's drama coming and I felt like this will explain her behaviour later on better than without it. Opinions? (I don't bite, I'll love you forever duh)


	13. sunday | italian grand prix (II)

I just won my first Formula One race which is my second Formula One race in general. What the actual hell. I say my routine, I thank the team, I thank my family, Mick and my mom, because that's what I always say. It passes my lips before I can even think about it; I'm done with the whole world right now.

On my left and right side, I can see people celebrating, and I sigh in relief when I'm finally at the Parc Ferme. I wouldn't trust myself to stay in the car any longer - my concentration jumped out of the car when I crossed the damn line. So I park my car, place the wheeling steel on it and put my helmet off. Fresh air fills my lungs and I take a few deep breaths, this must be a fucking dream.

I see my crew already standing there, ready for the presentation ceremony, and I can't believe it.  
Sebastian parks his Ferrari, climbs out of his car and before going to his crew, he goes to me. ”Congratulations, you just broke a few records I think.” He chuckles and offers me his hand which I take. ”This is a dream.” This can't be real. He helps me climb out of my car, pulls me into a quick and close hug, pats my back and softly pushes me to my crew.

They try to hug me, they congratulate me, they tell me how awesome my race was, but I'm in a trance. Pascal and I congratulate each other and it still feels unreal. “First podium for the two of you.“ Sebastian smirks and literally has to lead us to the weighing and from there to the room with the caps - I absolutely have no clue how it is called right now and it doesn't really matter to me. 

And suddenly, when I stand in this room, the air's thick and already sweaty, I can somehow realise it. I did it. I won a freaking Formula One race. I wipe away a few tears before putting on the cap and joining the conversation of the other two. “What the hell was wrong with your red beauty? Sometimes I really thought you got me but you never got me.“

Sebastian chuckles and Monisha congratulates him before hugging Pascal and me. “After presentation ceremony and the press conference, I really need you to get out of your wet overalls, I don't want my drivers to get sick.” I just nod, I didn't even notice how wet my overall is. “You're finally out of the trance of winning your first Formula One race, it normally doesn't take so long. I almost though we have to put some ice into your overall to wake you up before going up.“

Pouting, I slap his arm and Pascal cheers. “There she is.“ Scoffing, I roll my eyes. “Shut up, it's your first podium as well.“ “But he didn't win his second race, he didn't break a few records, he didn't become the youngest Formula One driver to win a race ever and he absolutely didn't become the first female Formula One to ever be on a podium and to win a race“, Monisha points out and the facts hit me hard. “Oh my freaking God.“

Pascal goes out first and the crowd's cheering loud. It's unbelievable and I already have goosebumps. Then, Sebastian joins him on the podium and the crowd becomes even louder; he's driving for the beloved Scuderia Ferrari. And then, it's my time to go out. Monisha goes out with me, she has an arm around my waist to make sure I don't become unconscious.

I climb onto the podium and see Pascal's and my crew at the front of the crowd. Maurizio is there as well, cheering together with the fans. I wave, a few fans shout _”Forza Bella”_ and I'm one hundert percent sure this is a dream. It's still raining, but no one seems to care - I see people in shirts and hotpants, totally wet but they celebrate like there is no tomorrow.

During the national hymn of the Swiss, I notice some tears streaming down my face, but that doesn't stop me from singing the German national hymn together with Pascal and Sebastian. Maurizio at least moves his lips and Monisha sings with us as well, just like most of our crew members. This is absolutely mind blowing and it _must_ be a dream.

The owner of the circuit, I just forgot his name, comes toward me with my trophy and smiles at me. We shake hands and he congratulates me on Italian, apparently he just got off the phone with my cousin and he lets out a chuckle when he notices my shaking hands. ”He's proud of you and we all think you really deserve winning this mind blowing race.”

Finally, I get my trophy and hold it up for a second - in which the crowd becomes unbelievable wild - and then hold it close to me. Sebastian chuckles, I slap the driver on my right and he ruffles through my hair. Monisha gets the team trophy and I clap and cheer with the crew; the atmosphere is absolutely mind blowing. Then, Sebastian gets his trophy for the second place and when he holds it up in the air, the whole crew goes crazy - he's leading the championship now with +50 points in advance.

Pascal gets his trophy, he wipes a few tears away as well and I pat his back. ”I can't believe it”, he whispers and I nod as an agreement, I'm more than one hundred percent sure this is a dream, this is way too good to be true.

We quickly pose for the photo, Monsiha stands between me and Pascal and Sebastian constantly mumbles ”smile” under his breath. Before I realise it, he has the huge bottle of champagne in his hand, shakes it and empties it over my head. Pascal does the same with Monsiha and when I finally have my bottle in my hands, I shake it as well and empty half the bottle over Pascal's and Sebastian's heads.

Taking a deep breath, I go to the very front of the podium and they understand what I'm going to do. I drink from the bottle and then throw it down, only to watch how one of the strategy guys catches it and drinks as well. ”God, I hate alcohol.” My overall is wet and sticky now, it seems like I even have champagne in my bra.

The interviewer is familiar, but I really can't remember his name. ”This was an amazing race! Congratulations to the three of you. And correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this is the first podium with Drivers of the same nation.” He chuckles and the crowd cheers. ”And maybe we're having the next two German champions right next to our leading man right now!” The crowd goes wild and Pascal chuckles. ”That would be amazing.”

At first, he talks to Pascal about his race. ”It was wet.” The guy laughs. ”Obviously.” He talks about his race and I'm surprised to hear he had problems as well - because my car absolutely felt amazing. Then, it's Sebastian's turn and he playfully complains about me having no problems with my car. He obviously had problems as well - because if he hadn't, I wouldn't have won the race.

At last, he turns to me and congratulates me again, this time on Italian. Pascal already pouts and I chuckle slightly when he tells me to say something about my race.

”It was quite normal, I had a free track and I knew Lewis was somewhere in front of me.” I take a deep breath and wave Matteo. ”And suddenly, there's the team radio telling me to push harder. Until then, I somehow ignored the fact I was kind of leading because of Lewis' 15 seconds penalty.” The guy laughs. ”Yes, I know the team usually tells you which position you are at the moment, but the track was so wet that I didn't want to risk it.”

Nico, Felipe, Kimi and Fernando join my and Pascal's crew and Maurizio at the very front and cheer loud. ”Why was your fast lap so quick?” Fernando takes of his cap and makes a quick bow. ”I actually looked at the next monitor and saw the +3 behind my name. Yes, I pushed hard before, but I knew there was this little bit of extra speed. I was afraid of a power unit failure, but then I thought I would cross the line somehow and decided to push as hard as I could. That's why my last lap was that fast.”

He thanks us for the amazing race and we wave to the crowd before going backstage. From the presentation ceremony, we go straight to the post-race conference and I hand my trophy on the way to the conference room to Matteo. ”Take care of my baby”, I tell him and he rolls his eyes, he knows what to do with my trophies.

Pascal chuckles and I ruffle through his hair. ”I can't wait to get rid of this wet and sticky overall, I think there's even champagne in my bra.” Sebastian turns around and looks at me with wide eyes. ”Are you serious?” A choked laugh passes his lips and I scoff at him. ”At least it feels like it.” They both break out in laughed and I roll my eyes. ”This is not funny, I really need to shower before I can even think about partying.”

The press conference is not that interesting, I repeat what I already said on the podium because there's not more to say. It amazes me how real this dream seems, but it must be a dream.

I listen to what Sebastian and Pascal have to say, the Ferrari driver really had his problems and my teammate didn't have such a good feeling as I had. We joke a bit on German, but I can't wait to finally get out of this overall. ”Of course we're going to celebrate tonight, I think Isabella's family is organising the party right now”, comments Pascal on the question whether we are partying later or not.

”Yeah, she has just proven why she absolutely deserves to be here.” ”Would you please shut up? It's not that spectacular, I just had no problems with my car while you all had some. Plus it was raining and I absolutely love those races and I know the track like my pocket, I used to practice my driving skills during the winter months on the track because the karting track was kind of shitty during that time.”

Everyone looks at me in surprise and I mentally slap myself - why did I just say that? ”My cousin and the owner's son are friends and during my summer holidays, he sometimes had to take me with him, so I got to know the whole family. They heard about me karting and later racing and allowed me to practice on the track, so yeah, maybe that was a small advantage for me.”

Sebastian chuckles and ruffles through my hair - it seems like this is a thing now. ”That somehow explains why you never seemed to have problems with the wet track.” I roll my eyes and shrug. ”It's not like I had zero problems, I think during lap 30 or something around that, I really thought the car would explode right under my ass.”

\---

After the press conference, it's time for the celebration photos. Matteo hands me my trophy and Monisha, Pascal and I sit in the very front, the trophies in front of us, while the crew is standing behind us. We all cheer for the photos and they allow me to tweet them.

@Isa_Racing: Already planing the design for the "remember when you told me I should give up?” cards, this will probably be the photo [link]

@Isa_Racing: Awesome day, awesome race, awesome people, awesome teammate, awesome country!

@Isa_Racing: Still can't believe it, this is way too good to be true, second race and already being on the top of the podium! @SauberF1Team @F1

@Isa_Racing: this will take a few days (weeks? months? years? decades? centuries?) to realise what just happened

I talk to Matteo and a few other family members while the others tweet and share the photos as well, but I really need to get out of the overall. So I go quickly to the paddock to finally take the shower I've waited for since climbing out of the car in this wet and now sticky overall. It takes me a bit to get the smell of sweat and champagne off my body, my hair's sticky as hell and I promise myself to never let that champagne shower happen again.

So I wash my hair a few times until it doesn't feel sticky anymore, dry myself off and put on some fresh underwear as well as a pair of low waist destroyed jeans and a white oversized flannel.

I lead the small bathroom, only to run into Pascal. ”Ready to party?”, he asks smirking and I smell his aftershave. ”Yeah, are you?” Instead of answering, he gentle pushed me to the stairs and chuckles. ”Of course I am.”

Finally, I get to see my family and Matteo's the first one who pulls me into a close hug. ”This was amazing, Bella, congratulations!” Gently, he kisses my forehead and I chuckle slightly. ”Thanks, Mat. It's a dream, isn't it?”

He slaps me and I yell in pain. ”What the hell?” Smirking, he ruffles through my hair and lets me free. ”That's the proof you're not dreaming.” Eyes rolling, I hug everyone else and it really takes me a while to talk with every single family member, but it's awesome.

Most of the drivers are waiting for us outside of the paddock, in the rain, and cheer when Pascal and I finally leave the paddock. Confused, I look at them and Fernando chuckles. ”Even though my race was horrible, I absolutely don't want to miss the party of today's historical result.” 


	14. sunday | italian grand prix (III)

At 7 pm, Pascal and I finally arrive at the party location. Almost every driver - except Lance, of course, he just stood at the Williams paddock and watched us and a few others who seemed to share his opinion about me - wanted to congratulate us and it really took us a while. Then, a few channels wanted to do another interview with Sebastian, Pascal and me, and so we did that as well.

We're the last ones to arrive and I laugh while he parks. ”They don't need us to celebrate.” He chuckles and I steal his cap. ”But there wouldn't be a reason to celebrate for our crews without us.” Of course, he has a point and we both make our way to the club. But before we can open it, someone shouts _”wait!_ ” and I'm ninety nine point nine percent sure it's Lewis.

Confused, we look at each other and I roll my eyes when he and Kimi are coming out. ”What the he-” ”It's a tradition for the first podium of a driver. There's also a tradition for the first win, but we can't do both, so you have to wait for that, Isabella.” Sceptical, I nod and let the Finn blindfold me. ”Don't worry, it's not as bad as it seems right now”, he mumbles and I hear how the door is opened.

Suddenly, it's absolutely silent and I quietly scoff, I don't know what's going on and I hate it. It feels like Kimi leads me through the whole club and then, he makes me go the stairs up to the stage. ”Wha-” ”Shhh.” Normally, I would freak out right now, because I'm blindfolded and don't know what happens next, but somehow Kimi's presence is keeping me calm - and of course the knowledge I'm not going through this weird tradition thingy alone.

My legs jolt against something and I hear the Finn chuckling behind me. ”Sit down”, he whispers and I do what I'm told. According to the noices, Pascal does the same and I take a deep breath.

Music is turned on and I wince in surprise. Everyone's cheering and a few seconds later, my blindfold is untied and I choke on my split. There's a half naked guy with sixpack in front of me and I look to Pascal, only to see a woman in bra and skirt in front of me. ”Oh my god”, I mumble and try to ignore the guy.

But he apparently has other plans, he grabs my hands and I _really_ don't want to do that - and apparently, we're pretending I'm already 18 which I'm not. 

I let him do what he wants to do, and luckily he stops before losing his briefs. ”Thanks God”, I let out a reliefed sigh and stand up. Pascal's cheeks are red and I chuckle. ”Dude, I'm the seventeen years old who shouldn't even see something like that yet.”

”It's still embarrassing." His voice is shaking and I grab his hand. ”Tell me something I don't know.” Quickly, I make my way down to the others and drag him with me. ”This was amazing.” Daniel laughs and I scoff. ”Max, you can let _the losers_ out now.” The Netherlander smirks and everyone cheers while he goes upstairs. ”Who are _the losers?_ ”, Pascal asks, being as confused as I am and Lewis smirks. ” _The losers_ are those who weren't on a podium yet, they're locked away during the tradition so they don't know what's going on.”

Knowing the explanations now , it makes sense why they are called _the losers._ Monsiha goes in the stage and I take a slip of Kimi's drink. “Gross. What the hell are you drinking?“ Before he can answer, she is handed a microphone and Lewis pats my back. While she thanks everyone for being here and welcomes us, I just stare at him and try to figure out why he's here. P5 isn't reason to celebrate for him, so it just doesn't add up.

“And of course a special thank you to Pascal and Isabella for this awesome race and for P3 and P1!“ Everyone claps and I blush, I absolutely hate being in the center of attention. “All drinks go on us.“ The cheering becomes even louder and I notice Max, right next to Daniel, which means _the losers_ are downstairs with the rest of us as well. “But before we all start drinking, we should mention the records we broke today!“

When Sebastian, Kimi, Fernando and Maurizio join Monisha on stage, I really want the ground to open up and to swallow me _right now_. “Well“, the German chuckles and Daniel yells something I don't understand, “obviously, we managed to get three drivers who drive for Germany on the podium and that never happened before, so we kind of just set up the record for one nation absolutely dominating a race.“

Again, everyone cheers and Pascal and I high five each other. “I'm sorry Max, but Isabella stole the record for the youngest driver ever to be on the podium and to win a race from you“, Maurizio adds and said driver just ruffles through my hair.

“She's also the first female driver who scored more than a half point and obviously the first female driver to be on the podium“, Kimi points out and I chuckle slightly, he did his research - the media calls me the first female Formula One driver ever, but it's not true and he had to listen to my complaints about it.

“There were never the two drivers of a team on the podium for the first time after the same race, so that's a new record as well“, cheers Fernando and again, my teammate and I high five each other.

The three drivers leave the stage and suddenly, Lewis stands next to me. “He told me“, he mumbles and I freeze, I'm not sure about what he's talking, but I have a feeling and it's not a good one. “And he's proud of you.“ Scoffing, I roll my eyes and give Kimi a thankful smile when he hands me a Fritz Cola. It's a German kind of cola, it's not that sweet and I absolutely love it - I think Matteo probably met him at the bar and told him that this is my absolute favourite drink ever.

“As a woman, I'm proud of having a female driver and a female development driver in my team“, Monisha starts and I nip on my cola. “We don't have it easy when it comes to racing. We are often told to go back to the kitchen or to go back to school, so we would be useful for our future men.“

Maurizio takes the microphone and the Finn puts an arm around me. “When one of my men noticed Isabella, we discussed longer than usual if we should offer her the chance of becoming a member of the Ferrari Drivers Academy, and I even asked Sebastian and Kimi what they would do.” Suprised, I look at the man next to me and he just smiles.

”And it was Kimi who really opened my eyes. We watched a video of one of her races, she was having a battle with Lance, and he paused the video, turned around to me and said: _”Who cares about the gender? Look at this talent, look at her adapting different kinds of driving styles in one race. If you don't make her a member of your junior programm, someone else will and she'll beat you. Formula One is about driving and the fascination that comes with it, not about the gender.”_ Obviously, he was right, but I never thought about it in this way. The next day, I called her and the rest is history.”

In awe, I literally stare at the Finn and he chuckles slightly. ”It was the truth, Bella.” The crowd claps and cheers and he ruffles through my hair. ”I hope with today's victory, we have shown little girls all over the world that racing is not only for boys, that they can do whatever they want and that no one can stop them from making their dreams reality. And now, let's celebrate!”

We clink glasses and Daniel smirks at me. ”Whatever you have pla-” ”It's time for a shoey!” The music is louder now, but sadly, I still can hear him. ”Dan, please, no.” Lewis grabs a bottle of champagne and I sigh, knowing there is no escape. ”But we ch-” ”Don't worry, I took one with me, extra for you.” Proudly, he holds his show up in the air and I pout. ”This is so gross.”

Netherless, Lewis fills the shoe with champagne and quickly hands it to me. ”Drink! Drink! Drink!” Max films it and I drink it as fast as I can, the mixed taste of champagne and sweat is absolutely horrible. ”Ewwww.” I shake my head, grab my Fritz Cola and take a slip. ”Dan, this is so gross, I hope to never be with you on the podium.” Sebastian laughs and I scoff.

\---

After 3 hours of partying, I go onto the roof. Matteo used to tell me to stay here while he was partying downstairs and I sat in a corner with a tablet and watched races of my rivals. Slightly, I chuckle at the memories and take a deep breath. _I did it._

@Isa_Racing: Standing on the club's roof, looking up to the sky. I did it, mom, I did it for you.

@Isa_Racing: I slowly begin to realise I won a real Formula One race today. This is so unbelievable.

@Isa_Racing: Thank you mom for having 3 jobs at the same time to finance my dream, I still don't know what I did to deserve you

@Isa_Racing: Thanks to my family for doing summer jobs to finance my dream as well & for spending every left € into my dream

@Isa_Racing: Thank u Michael and Corinna for being always there for me, you guys are unbelievable

@Isa_Racing: And of course thanks to Mick ma dude and my partner in crime, you're the best best friend of the universe

@Isa_Racing: thanks to everyone who didn't believe in me, because I had the urge to prove you wrong and here we are

@Isa_Racing: Also, I had my first shoey. It's really gross and I hope to have the honour to never had a short again.

@Isa_Racing: After 5 Fritz Colas, I'm still tired, and I'm awake since 5 am lol

@Isa_Racing: Thanks to everyone who congratulated me, I was way too busy to check Twitter until now

”Here you are.” Wincing, I turn around and sigh when I see the guy I share DNA with standing at the stairs. ”Uh yeah, I just needed a bit time for myself.” Understanding, he nods and I watch him carefully. ”Congratulations on your first victory.” I smile weakly and he returns the smile. ”Thanks. Why did you tell Lewis?”

In surprise, he looks at me and I chuckle. ”Did you really think he wouldn't tell me?” Somehow frustrated, he shrugs and I roll my eyes. ”Well, I thought it would be unfair to not let him know whose kid you really are.” Quietly, I scoff under my breath and roll my eyes again. ”I'm really proud of you, you could become t-” ”Don't end this sentence or I'll push you off this building. You're interpretating way too much into this damn victory.”

”Isabella?”, Carlos shouts and we both freeze. ”Shit.” My biological father tries to hide, but it's just a damn roof, here is absolutely no place to hide. ”Isabe-” ”On the roof, I'm just on the phone with Mick, I'll come down in a few, alright?” Thankful, he looks at me and I sigh in relief. ”How can you be on the phone with Mick when he's downstairs looking for you?”

”Merde”, I blurt out and he chuckles slightly. ”Uh, that's a good question.” I take a deep breath and go downstairs on the first floor to Carlos before he can meet the guy I share DNA with. ”Is everything alright?”

Worried, he looks and me and I nod. ”Yeah, it's just a bit too much for me today. You know, first home Grand Prix here in Italy, I won, my family's here ... ”, I start and he nods. ”I can imagine how mind wrecking this must be for you.” Nodding, I chuckle and smile at him. ”Mind wrecking describes it quite good.”

Together, we go downstairs on and my crew watches him sceptical. Kimi pulls me close to him and Lewis gives me a worried look, he probably noticed who followed me onto the roof. ”You know I'm just a call or a text away”, he whispers before saying his goodbyes to everyone. He ruffles through my hair and I smile at him. ”Good night, Lew.“ “Good night, Bella.“

When he's gone, Kimi doesn't look that happy. “He's a pain in everyone's arse, be careful with him, alright?“ Confused, I nod, and then I notice Mick talking to Sebastian. Well, this is going to be akward. ”Dude!”, I yell and he turns around, looks at me and literally runs into my arms.

”You did it! Congratulations, Bella”, he mumbles against my crock and I chuckle. ”Thanks, but you've got a lot to explain, _Kumpel_.” Without asking, he takes a slip from the new bottle of Fritz Cola Fernando just had brought me and I pout. ”Go and get your own one.”

But he knows me too well and chuckles. ”You didn't even go, _Liebling_.” Eyes rolling, I take the bottle from him and take a swipe of Germany's own kind of cola. ”But he brought it for me. Anyways, you've got a lot of to explain, so why don't you start?“

We go onto the roof again, it's more private and we don't have to shout to understand each other. “She came over to talk“, he begins and I can tell he's nervous, “and I made it pretty clear I'm done with her. But she found something out and told me she would reveal it if I didn't agree to be together with her again. Then she took my phone.“

Okay, that makes sense somehow. “What did she find out? Who my mysterious father is? Or why I used to stay with you that long?“ He skates his head and takes a deep breath. “No.“ Confused and curious, I look at him and he whispers a quiet _“sorry“_ before looking directly into my eyes. I get goosebumps and let him pull me closer to him.

“She somehow found out I'm in love with my best friend.“


	15. monday | the day after

**_From_ : MaxBull**  
Are you alright?

Groaning, I put my phone away and sit up. My eyes hurt from crying until 5 am and I know they're red and slightly swollen as well. My hair is an absolute mess and I have a headache. It hurt like hell, losing your best friend because you don't love him back.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Think so

I'm far away from being alright right now, but he doesn't have to know that. Heck, he's a rival, he shouldn't care about me like this. Max confuses me in general - we danced and it felt nice, he hugged me and it felt nice as well, he knows about the guy I share DNA with and I don't worry about him revealing this secret.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
Doesn't sound like it, do you want to talk about it?

Frustrated, I groan and stand up. I just lost my best friend because apparently, he loves me and apparently, it hurts him way too much to stay that close to me. It has been around 9 hours; I already miss him and I really don't know how I should manage this all on my own, without him on my side.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Love sucks, that's all

I turn on my music on shuffle and the first song is Ed Sheeran's _”Happier”_. ”My Karma must really suck”, I mumble to myself and grab some fresh clothes.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
If you want to talk about it, Dan and I have some promo stuff to do here, so we'll leave tomorrow

Slightly, I roll my eyes, turn the music louder and take a long shower. It's not really relaxing because my mind is still trying to deal with yesterday's events, but I do feel better afterwards. After the shower, I put on fresh underwear, grey jogging trousers and a black hoodie.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Why do you even care? We're rivals and not teammates

I put on a face mask, not because I want to spoil my skin, but because it's really needed after three days of racing. While waiting for the 15 minutes to be up, I decide to check my timeline.

There are a lot of congratulation tweets and I mentally slap myself - because of the whole drama thingy with Mick, I almost forgot what I archived yesterday. I like and retweet a few as well as the Formula One account about my _so historical_ victory. A quiet chuckle leaves my lips and read through some articles about yesterday's race.

Then, I wash my face and take a deep breath. My dream came true, I'm a Formula One driver - at least for the rest of this season - but it made everything only much more complicated.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
We are rivals on the track, but not off the track, Liebling

For a moment, I'm speechless. He just used a freaking German nickname and the last time someone called me _„Liebling”_ is eight years ago. And for me, my rivals on the track were also my rivals off the track, but maybe he is right. Maybe we're not rivals off the track.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Never thought of it that way, Idiot

Slightly, I chuckle and someone knocks on my door. ”I'm naked”, I yell, but the door is opened netherless and I scoff. ”Wow, what if I was naked for real?” Pascal shrugs and I roll my eyes. ”According to Lance, you've got no reason the be ashamed of your body.” My lower jaw drops and I stare at him in shock. ”He kind of likes to brag about you and him sharing a changing room when you were younger.” Still in disbelief, I sit down on my bed and shake my head. ”Please tell me you're not being serious right now.”

”Are you alright?” He looks worried and I shrug. ”I think so.” Slowly, he sits down next to me and I sigh quietly. ”Okay, this was a dumb question, it's obvious something is wrong. Do you want to talk about it before I leave?“

Carefully, he puts an arm around me and I lean my head on his shoulder. “Mick told me he was in love with me and that he couldn't be this close to me anymore. I just archived my life goal, I won a damn Formula One Grand Prix, but not even ten hours later, I apparently lost one of the most important people in my life. That's all and I don't think there's much to talk about.“

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
I was called a lot of names, but I was never called an Idiot for a quite logical point of view until today, thank you very much

Until he has to go, we talk about God and the world - but not about Mick and love. He figured out that the love problematic wasn't new and that I was absolutely not ready to talk about it, so he let it be.

”Goodbye, Isa”, he mumbles and pulls me into a close hug. ”See you in a few days, you dork, enjoy the time without me.” Slightly, I chuckle and he ruffles through my hair. ”Those days are going to be the most boring days ever. I really don't know how I can survive them without you.” Eyes rolling, I kiss his cheek and let him go. ”You text me when you need to talk, alright? And text me when you know when you'll arrive, okay?”

He smiles at me and I return the smile. ”Yes, Sir.” Playfully, I salute and he laughs. ”I already miss you.” While I say goodbye to my slash Marcus' crew and Monisha, he watches me and I chuckle. ”Are you stalking me, Sir?” ”Your beauty doesn't let me look away, Ma'am.” Cheekily, he smiles and I roll my eyes. ”Dork.”

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
You're welcome, Bärchen

After what feels like ages, he, both crews and Monisha are gone. I watch them driving away and smile weakly; Monisha had agreed on giving me a few days to calm down after yesterday's race - they're expecting me in Hinwil on Thursday. But I already have to start to change my sleeping rhythm because of those damn time zones - the next to races are in Singapore and Malaysia, both countries are seven hours ahead of Italy.

Taking a deep breath, I go upstairs and change into sporty clothes; I'm not one of those girls who only wear a sports bra and shorts which show more than they hide, I like my oversized sports shirts and my leggings.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
You're so charming, do you know that?

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Of course, Max, I'm actually aware of it but thanks for the reminder, that's soooooo cute and unnecessary

Mentally, I high five myself and grab a water bottle. Then, I make my way downstairs again and yell: ”I'm off to the gym!”

The gym isn't far away, it's a small village so everything's close together and I ride my old bike to go there.

”Bella!” Damian, the owner, welcomes me smiling and I chuckle. ”Forgot my member ID, as usual.” We high five and he shakes his head in disbelief. ”You did an amazing job yesterday, we're all so proud of you.” I blush and he grins. ”Really, that was absolutely mind blowing. Congratulations, my dear.”

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
You just broke my heart

@Isa_Racing: Off to gym, can't wait to hear little children screaming "there's a head moving around!” - it's so satisfying

@Isa_Racing: The neck torture corner™ is next to the children play area and it's so motivating I swear

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
I'm so absolutely not sorry, you won't believe it

”As usual?” Dramatically, I wipe away imaginary sweat from my forehead and he laughs. ”Of course as usual.”

\---

For 5 hours, I worked out. I did my normal day routine two and a half times, until all my muscles were absolute sore. It felt good, being able to forget everything for a bit - but now, reality has me back. I ride my bike back to the hotel and give Matteo a smile before going upstairs.

 ** _To_ : my dude♥**  
You'll always be my best friend.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
How are you?

I quickly take a shower to get rid of the sweat and just put on some boxershorts and a hoodie, I don't feel like leaving my room for the rest of today.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Better, you?

My sore body falls down on the soft matress and I sigh in relief, this is exactly what I need after such an intensive workout.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
I'm still worried about you

Eyes rolling, I answer his call and sigh. ”Would you please stop worrying about me? Dude, I'm alright, I swear to God.” He scoffs and I hear Dan in the background. ”Really? Then why didn't you let me hug you when you left your party?” Oh, so this is what his worries are really about. ”It's ... complicated, but I can assure you, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.”

”Don't start this _”it's not you, it's me”_ thingy, Isabella.” I feel tears running down my face and a choked sob passes my lips - I absolutely hate those emotional outbursts.

”Well, my mom's last boyfriend did ... stuff to me, horrible stuff. He used love as a-an excuse and yesterday, I lost my best friend because he's in love with me and can't be that close to me anymore.” Taking a deep breath, I try to calm myself down, but my voice is shaking netherless.

”That's why I-I didn't let you hug me yesterday, because my mind was back a-at the curt where my mom told her last boyfriend she would wait for him because she loved him.” My voice is low and slightly cold, I just want to forget this, goddamn.

”Don't be sorry for it, Max, you couldn't have known it and a sorry doesn't fix a thing for me, you know?” Bitterly, I chuckle and wipe away the tears. ”Damn, my therapist would be proud of me.” He seems speechless and I sigh. ”Anyways, I'm alright, I swear. The last days, or more likely weeks just were quite difficult with the guy I share DNA with, Mick, my past and stuff.”

”And I thought my family is complicated and messed up.” He chuckles quietly and I join him. ”Seems like a normal family isn't really our thing, does it?” With reddish eyes, I smile weakly and take a few deep breaths. ”Your living with your uncle in Monaco, right? The one with this super nice pizzeria?"

Confused, I nod - only to realise he can't see me. ”Yeah, why do you ask?” The Netherlander laughs and I roll my eyes. ”Because I think I've seen you a few times since I moved to Monaco. Your uncle always brags about you.” ”That might even be true, I used to help out there a lot and he loves to talk about his sons - and me.”

He chuckles and Dan is shouting something in the background. “Gotta go, we've got some promo to do and Dan's annoyed - don't ask me why, I don't know. I'll text you when I'm done, alright?“ It's 6 pm which means we talked for about one and a half hour, but it absolutely didn't feel like it. “Sure, but don't freak out if I don't text you back today, I had less than 3 hours of sleep last night.“

After we both hung up, I take a deep breath and charge my phone. “Bella?“ Matteo comes in without knocking and I sigh quietly. “Of course you can come in, cousin dear. What's up?“

With a huge smirk on his face, he sits down next to me and ruffles through my hair. “You like him.“ Confused, I look at him and he chuckles. “Max, you like Max. You normally don't have that long phone calls, not even with Mick.“

“Maybe, yes. But that doesn't give you the right to listen to my private conversations, Mat, I'm old enough to have those.“ I roll my eyes and he shrugs. “It's not my fault the walls are so damn thin.“ Quietly, I yawn and slap his arm. “Get some rest, I heard your sobs until 5 am, I'll excuse you for dinner.“ Weakly, I smile at him and he returns it. “You're the best cousin ever, Mat.“


	16. tuesday | monaco

At 7 am, Matteo, Paolo and I are on our way back to Monaco. My uncle inivited literally everyone he knows to a huge celebration dinner this evening, but I just want to hide in my bed all day. While I sit in the back, Ed Sheeran's album on shuffle, they are discussing something - but I absolutely don't care right now.

What Matteo said yesterday is still on my mind and I don't know what to think about it. Max is different from every other guy I've ever met. Mick and I get - or got - along well and I still trust him, but he doesn't make me feel so comfortable like the Netherlander does.

Frustrated, I sigh and look out of the window, I absolutely don't have a clue what to think about this nor what to say.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
Save seats close to you for your two favourite Bulls

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
What the hell are you talking about?

Confused, I stare at the screen for a bit, does this mean what I think it means?

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
Dan and I are coming to your celebration dinner thingy tonight?

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Uh... sure

Pausing my music, I put my phone away and look at my uncle. “Why did you invite Daniel and Max? Not that I don't like them, but ... I don't know, I just didn't expect you, one of the biggest Verstappen critics of this planet, to invite him.“ Paolo chuckles and Matteo whispers a “I told you“, but I hear it netherless.

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
You don't sound exited :(

“Your cousin here though it would be a good idea to invite also a few of the drivers, so that you're not completely alone with all those people around you. So he asked a few, I don't know whom.“ Well, this absolutely makes sense. “Mat, why did you do this?“, I whine and he chuckles. “Because, obviously, you like him and according to Dan, he likes you too.”

My lower jaw drops almost to the ground and I choke on my own salvia. ”You and Dan talked? About us? Are you fucking serious, Mat?” I can't believe it, he knows my struggle with love and other feelings and still talks about this to Dan? ”Yeah, we talked about you and we both think you two would be a cute cou-” ”Finish that sentence and I'll dye your hair pink in your sleep and upload humiliating photos of you.”

 ** _To:_ MaxBull**  
I am, I just didn't really expect you to be invited

He loves his hair more than I could ever do. Ruffling through his hair is absolutely horrible for him and only his mom and I were ever allowed to do it. So he shuts up and I smile cheekily. ”And don't even think about bringing us together, Mat, or I'll dye your hair neon green.”

Paolo shakes his head laughing and Matteo pouts. ”You two are really unbelievable.” I ruffle through my cousin's hair with a smirk on my lips and he scoffs. ”Thanks, we're really giving our best to stay so unbelievable for ever and ever.”

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
Why that?

 ** _To:_ MaxBull**  
Because my uncle is the first one to criticize you

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
Well, then I guess I have to prove myself tonight :)

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
You don't have to do that ...

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
I can't stop and I won't stop

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
Did you really just quote Miley?

 ** _From_ : MaxBull**  
If I did, would that change the way you look at me?

 ** _To:_ MaxBull**  
I would like to not answer this question

Then, it's silent in the car. Everyone follows his own train of thought and I decide to check Twitter.

@Isa_Racing: Day 2 and I still think it's a dream (even though Mat already slapped me) this is too good to be true

@Isa_Racing: Anyways, driving back to Monaco before joining the crew tomorrow

@Isa_Racing: So excited for the next races, this is going to be so much fun

\---

As soon as we arrive in Monaco, I excuse myself for a walk. I just really need some time for myself right now. So I go to the _Jardin Exotique de Monaco_ , it's actually one of my favourite places here. Monaco-Ville is always full, there are always tourist who think if they speak their native language, I can't understand them - boy, are they wrong.

Passing a kiosk on my way to the bench my mom and I always sat on, I notice they sell Ben and Jerry's. Yes, I should be on a diet, but I feel like I deserve this after the race, the argument with Mick and the whole thing with Max.

Luckily, no one recognised me while standing in the line - even though the newspapers all show my face on the front page - and I sit down on the bench with my precious Ben and Jerry's Cookie dough ice cream. 

Before starting eating, I open Snapchat and take a photo of my ice cream standing on my knees. I caption it with ”finally some time for myself” and add the geotag of the garden.

Then, I put my phone away and enjoy my ice cream while the sun's shining, it's a bit windy but still really comfortable - it's not too hot and not too cold.

”Hey there.” In surprise, I wince and almost let my beloved pint of Ben and Jerry's fall down. But I catch it, sigh in relief and turn around to the chuckling man behind me. ”God damn, Lew, is it to much for to eat your ice cream in peace?” Smirking, he sits down next to me and steals a bit of it. ”Dude, buy your own damn ice cream.” Scoffing, I slap his arm and he smiles. ”I missed you and it has been only a day.”

There are fans standing a bit away from us, trying to sneakily take photos of us, but I notice them. ”Now you have brought the attention of the people on me, thank you very much Carl.” He puts his sunglasses on and I roll my eyes. ”That's all? Honestly, Lew?”

”You have to be prepared for everything.” I smack his neck and he laughs. “This is not funny, I just wanted to enjoy my ice cream and the sun, and you ruined everything.“ Dramatically, I let the empty pint fall down and place my hands on my chest where my heart is. “Well, I just wanted to enjoy the comfortable silence of the _Jardin Exotique_ before your celebration dinner tonight, but the only bench to sit down was yours.“

In surprise, I look at him and he chuckles. “They didn't tell you?“ Even the answer should be obvious, I shake my head which makes him smile even more. “Guess who's also invited.“ He literally beams with joy and I act like I have to think about it. “I don't know, tell me?“

Playfully, he ruffles through my hair and I slap his arm in revange. “Nico is also invited, I don't know if that's really a good thing, but he's invited. And I'm pretty sure he comes.“ “Maybe ask him to pick you up? Or offer him to pick him up? You know, because there aren't that many parking areas and with one car, the possibility of getting a free parking slot is higher than with one.“

I high five him and chuckle quietly. “Tonight will be interesting, I have absolutely no clue who's invited and who's not and I have to get up early tomorrow for a bit more simulator work before Singapore.“ He looks around and sighs when he notices the fans as well. “Well, you can sleep on your trip to your team base, can't you?“

 ** _From_ : Matteo ™**  
Where are you?

“Hopefully, yes, but I normally can't sleep in the car.“ I stand up and he looks at me quite confused. “My cousin's already asking where I am, see you later, yeah?“ Before I can turn around and leave, he stands up and pulls me into a quick hug. “See you later, Bella.“ Then, he let's me go and I chuckle. ”You're unbelievably, Lew.”


	17. tuesday | dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I somehow managed to skip a chapter, so there's a new chapter 8 (wednesday | Hinwil) - don't ask me how I oversaw it, I just did it somehow.

Before the dinner, I help out - the restaurant completely full, even without our celebration dinner, and so every helping hand is welcomed. While I help serving, Matteo helps in the kitchen - it has always been like that.

”Hey there.” Just as I serve a couple their pizza, someone hugs me from behind and I wince in surprise. ”Damn Max, I almost let the pizza fall down.” He chuckles and I smile at the nervous guy - he just doesn't know how to start his proposal and when. ”But you didn't”, he states and I roll my eyes. ”Good appetite, you two.”

Then, I turn around and slap his chest scoffing. ”You're the biggest idiot on this planet, do you know that?” Pulling me into an even closer hug and laughs against my neck. ”Only for you.” Leandro yells my name and I chuckle quietly. ”You have to let me go now, Max.” Pouting, he does exactly this and ruffles through my hair. ”I hope you got the seats for us reserved.”

Of course I had, actually, Matteo did the seating and surprisingly, Max was seated on my right, but I just shrug and go back to the kitchen. Daniel seems to know what's going on - at least someone does, because I absolutely don't - because he smirkes at me when I walk pass him.

”Is Loverboy already here?”, asks Kevin, the son of one of Paolo's German friends who literally grew up with Matteo and me and I stare at him completely speechless. Matteo told them. And he told them absolutely not the truth, because the truth is: I don't know if I feel more than I should for him and it's still confusing me. ”Loverboy? I don't have a loverboy, but I have a lying cousin who likes to piss me off to offer.”

Grabbing the three plates of pasta, I turn around and leave the kitchen before Matteo comes back with more self-made pizza dough. On my way to the table, I look at Dan with an almost killing glance and smile at the child cheering because of the foods arrival. I place the pasta in front of the guests, wish them a good appetite and join Paolo at the reception desk.

”You don't have to help out, you know that, right? Bella, this is your night, I want you to enjoy it.” Slightly worried, he looks at me and I sigh. ”Mat told everyone he was my loverboy, so thank your son for kind of destroying my night before it even started.” Fatherly, he hugs me and I let him. ”Don't listen to him, he doesn't know it to deal with you being a grown up now.”

”That sounds like I'm 30 and not 17.” He laughs and I scoff under my breath. ”Principessa, I'll talk to him, alright? Now go to our guests and enjoy your night.” My uncle knows I would love to go upstairs and hide under my beloved covers until everybody's gone and gently pushes me to the huge table. ”Merde”, I mutter on French and Max hands me a Fritz Cola. Surprised, I look at him and he just smiles. ”You only drank that at your party, remember?”

Right, the party. ”Just wanted to forget the shoey and everything.” This makes Daniel aware of our conversation and he grins at me. ”Thanks for the reminder, I still have to upload the video”, he says and I look at him pleading, ”oh, and thanks for filming it with my phone, mate.” The two laugh and I roll my eyes. ”The shoey was really gross, Dan, I'll never do it again.”

\---

Fifteen minutes later, almost everyone's here. Paolo mostly invited rich friends of him who had helped me out a few times when I needed more money to keep my seat and a few old family friends. While he sits on my left with Matteo next to him, Max sits on my right and discusses something with his teammate. Reliefed, I register that my biological father seems to be late and watch everyone.

”Bella!” Quickly, I stand up, excuse myself and make my way to the kitchen. ”Yes, I know it's your night and that Paolo told you to enjoy it, but Andrea won't come tonight, so we could really need your help.” Chuckling, I high five Leandro and smile at him. ”Sure thing, if you need me, just yell my name.” He sighs in relief and pats my back. ”Thanks, you're saving me from doing both. Three pizzas and the pasta for table 7.”

Grabbing the plates, I quietly humm to myself and leave the kitchen. ”What did I tell yo-” ”We're short-handed today and if I don't help out, Leandro has to become the serving chef.” Knowing he has to let me help out, Paolo nods and doesn't look that happy. ”We all know Mat sucks at serving and you're the one who throws this dinner celebration thingy, so I'm the only one who can help out.”

Smiling, I go outside to serve the food and as usual, I wish them a good appetite and take the orders from table 8. Then, I go back to the kitchen, hand the note to Leonardo and he gives me a thankful smile.

”Are you hiding from someone?” Max stands in the door and watches me. ”No, I'm just making sure our service is as good as always.” Slightly, he chuckles and I take the tray with drinks on it. ”Can I help you?” Leandro gives me a knowing look and I roll my eyes at the chef. ”Yeah, you could go out of my way and let me serve the drinks as long as the ice cubes aren't melted yet.”

Instead of doing so, he carefully takes the tray and grins at me. ”I used to work at a shitty restaurant during my vacations when I didn't practice racing, now go and sit down, it's your night.” Surprised and slightly shockedI, I watch him balancing the tray with elegance and shake my head in disbelief. “This guy is unbelievable.“

A few minutes later, he comes back laughing. “The lady on table three says we are a cute couple and the little girl on table ten wants to be like you when she's older.“ Playfully, I smack his chest and scoff at him. “You're our guest, so sit down and stop helping out.“ But he just smiles at me and I mutter under my breath. “We could really need his help, Bella“, comments Leandro on Italian and I give him a killing look. “You're absolutely not helping me.“ He laughs and the Netherlander looks at us totally confused. (6)

“This is your celebration dinner, Bella, we're quicker when we work together.“ Sighing, I nod and he cheers. “Thanks.“ I chuckle and shake my head. “You're weird.“

Together, we go back to the table and I notice Lewis and Nico sitting next to each other across the table and the Britain smiles at me. “There she is.“

\---

Fifteen minutes later, the last few guys are finally there and Paolo welcomes them all. As usual, he gives a long and emotional speech, but this time, I absolute can't focus on him - he's here and I'm absolutely not sure whether he will drop the bomb or not. I hope he doesn't, but sadly I know him too well to not be nervous. Max somehow notices that something is wrong and I almost sigh in relief when Leandro calls my name. We asked our guests with the invitation what they want to eat and it's probably our food that needs to be served. (7)

Quickly, I stand up and literally run to the kitchen. “Thanks for saving me“, I mumble and he looks confused. “Guess who's invited and who wants to tell the others he was the guy my mom slept about eighteen years ago.“ He seems to be too surprised to answer and I chuckle bitterly. “Don't worry, I'll be fine somehow.“

Before he can start a serious talk, I grab four of the plates and want to leave the kitchen - but Max stands in the door, again. “Does he really want to do that?“, he whispers and I shrug. “He texted me he would do it and I really want to throw him out right now.“ Slightly worried, he looks at me and ruffles through my hair. “I'm sorry.“

With that, he lets me leave and I take a deep breath and go to our table. “Dinner's ready“, I announce and begin to serve, starting with Lewis, Dan, Matteo and my uncle. The Netherlander follows along with a few other servers and I notice my pizza is missing. Just as I want to go back, Leandro comes out of the kitchen with my precious pizza. “Sit down, Bella, I can't have you serving yourself.“

I chuckle and sit down - he's unbelievably. “Here you go, Champ.“ He places the pizza in front of me and ruffles through my hair. “Good appetite, everyone.“ Thankfully, I smile at him and notice the glare of my biological father on my skin. “Would you mind bringing me another Fritz Cola?“

\---

While everyone was eating, it was surprisingly silent, but now that everyone's finished, it's even louder than before. Nico and Lewis seem to get along well, now that they aren't rivals anymore and I sigh when Daniel stands up - after the shoey I have some trust issues with him. “Let's do some selfies!“, he cheers and I roll my eyes, but everyone else agrees with him and so we take a few selfies which are then shared by him and Max.

“Why don't you tell them the story of how you managed to get a seat?“, asks Matteo and I scoff when everyone stops talking and looks at me. “Alright, but it's not that interesting.“ Daniel laughs and grins at me. “Just tell us, Bella.“

Taking a deep breath, I look around and sigh. “Okay, so there's KF3, it's kind of the lowest kart racing class and it's usually for drivers from 12 to 15, but you have to turn 13 within the season's first semester. But I was ten, it was December so I was almost eleven at that time and super bored. I had won everything in Germany, Monaco, France and Italy for drivers under twelve and I didn't know what to do with myself. So I wrote a complaint letter to CIK-FIA, mainly because I already got informed that they wouldn't take me.“

They all listen to me and I swallow. “They told me they wouldn't offer me a seat because I'm a girl and you know, that's the age when puberty normally starts. I really don't remember exactly what I wrote, but it was kind of "if you don't let me race, I'll go to court because of discrimination because of my gender", Leandro, the chef who served my pizza, helped be because he used to study law before figuring out that pizza and pasta are way better than dealing with criminals all day long.“

Daniel already has problems to suppress his laugh and Paolo chuckles. “On Christmas Eve, I got a call from CIK. The guy told me he would understand the team, but he would also understand me. And he had talked to one of the teams and they would offer me a seat for two years, so I'm away from them when puberty usually really is happening. I thought he was lying, but he wasn't, and that's how I started racing against way older and more experienced guys - and I still managed to win somehow. Oh, that's by the way how I met Lance.“

Lewis stares at me and I chuckle slightly. “Ten years old me was quite rebellious, specially after therapy started to work for me.“

We clink glasses and Daniel rambles something about "one of the best drivers the world has ever seen" and I finally feel comfortable here. “See, I told you that you would be fine”, Max mumbles and I get goosebumps. ”Yeah, you did.”

That's exactly the moment when my biological father stands up and looks at me. ”I have something to announce”, he starts and I stare at him in disbelief, ”you probably are all wondering why I am invited and well, the reason is that she's my daughter. When her mother knew she would be gone, she let me know I had a daughter and well, she never wanted to tell anyone, but I feel like it's time to let you know.” And the whole restaurant is watching.


	18. wednesday | simulators and interviews

On Wednesday morning, I act like nothing happened - to be honest, I just want to erease what happened after I told how I got the seat at KF3. One of Paolo's rich friends lives in the area of Hinwil and offered me a ride which I gladly accepted.

So here I am, in one of Mercedes' finest and probably most expensive cars ever and listen to music. As usual, I just have my music on shuffle and I stare at the black screen of my phone. Since the announcement, I haven't been on Twitter or any other social media and I would like to keep it this way - I turned the airplane mode on and haven't watched TV, of course not before explaining it to the ones who would maybe care.

Someone calls him and he looks at me. ”It's _him_.” Scoffing, I roll my eyes and pause my music. ”Well then let's ignore the call.” But before I even finished the sentence, he accepts it and smiles weakly at me. ”I've seen you going through a lot, Bella, and you should know by now that ignoring doesn't make it easier.” He's right. Of course he's right. Ignoring my biological father doesn't make my situation better or easier, but I just don't want to talk to him right now.

”Bella?” His voice sounds raw and somehow tired, he probably didn't get that much sleep last night. ”Yeah?” My voice is slightly shaking and my heart's beating way faster than usual. ”How are you?” I don't know what to answer, I really just don't know - I have a few sassy ones on my tongue, but I don't dare to say one of those loud.

”Okay, I guess. Why are you asking?” Richard, Paolo's friend, gives me a worried look and I sigh quietly. ”Am I not allowed to ask my daughter how she is?” Clenching my fists, I take a deep breath and try to stay as calm as possible.

”Why should you care now? You never cared before, you didn't care when I wanted to leave school because of the bullying. You didn't care when the police called you and told you about my mom's last boyfriend. You didn't care when I stayed with you, you literally ignored me the whole week I was there. You didn't care when I didn't know how to get the money to keep my seat because sponsors who want to sponsor a girl a rare. You didn't care when I won races before, so tell me, why should I believe you?”

Seconds later, he hangs up and a bitter laugh passes my lips. ”That's exactly why not ignoring his calls doesn't make things easier between him and me.”

\---

To: teammate   
Almost there

From: teammate  
Yeaaaaaah :) x

”Take care and if you need someone to talk, I'm always there for my favourite formula one driver ever, alright?” He smiles and I return a weak smile, after the call we just stayed silent for the rest of the ride. ”Thanks, for everything I mean. Spending so much money on a girl your friend believes in, I don't know many people who would do something like this.”

Quickly, he parks the car, hugs me from the side and chuckles. ”We all knew you have the talent to drive for a Formula One team one day.” Pascal opens the door and grins at me. ”Welcome back, Bella.”

While I get out of the car, he already takes my suitcase and I chuckle slightly. ”You know you don't have to do that every single time, right?” Richard drives away and my teammate hugs me. ”But maybe I want to do that every single time?”

”You're such an idiot.” I ruffle through his hair and he picks me up. ”Max called me last night.” Surprised, I look at him and freeze - this doesn't make sense, unless ... “To be honest, I was quite surprised, because we usually don't talk and I still don't know who has given him his number. At first I thought it was a joke, but he explained me everything.“ His voice is calm and quiet and I swallow hard. “It's alright, I already explained the whole situation to Monisha in case someone decided to share the story.“

We go inside and he tells another guy to go back and take my suitcase. I want to say something, I want to tell him I'm sorry for lying to him, but I can't, something is stopping me from doing so. “Shhh, you don't have to be sorry, I understand it.” Carefully, he lets me down and I notice how my legs are shaking.

”Isabella!” Monsiha walks down the stairs and smiles at me. ”The simulator is already waiting for you, after lunch the two of you have some interviews to do, but I made sure they don't mention that topic.” Thankful, I look at her and she smiles. ”Don't worry about it, you'll be fine, I promise you.”

\---

After spending about four hours in the simulator, I really need some fresh air, so I grab the food tray with my lunch on it and go outside. ”Hey, kiddo.” I laugh and show him my middle finger. ”You're not that much older, Pascal, so stop acting like you are.” Smirking, he sits down on the ground next to me and leans his torso on the wall. „ _Spielverderberin_ (killjoy).”

”Only for you.” I slap his chest and start eating the pasta before it gets cold. ”Aww, that's so cute of you.” He watches me eating and I place the empty tray on my legs. ”It was so boring without you, they all want to discuss stuff about the setups and stuff but it didn't feel right doing it without you. Plus I had no one to make jokes with.”

Chuckling, I ruffle through his hair and he rolls his eyes. ”Your hair is so fluffy”, I explain and smile at him. ”Thanks?” Just like the cool guys in the movies, he puts his sunglasses on and hands me a pair. ”Present of a sponsor, thought they could be useful.” Surprised, I take the sunglasses and put them on. “That's exactly why I like to hang around with you.“ Cheekily, I grin at him and he laughs. “Of course.“

“Guys? Are you ready for your interviews?“, one of the PR-guys yells and he stands up. “Never felt that ready, Tobias.“ Smiling, he helps me standing up and I chuckle. “Let's do this.“

Together, we go inside, only to see a mass of reporters and journalists waiting for us. “Damn“, I mumble under my breath and he chuckles slightly. “Unbelievable, isn't it?“ Speechless, I nod and he ruffles through my hair. “You must really like each others hair“, comments Monisha and laughs quietly before she officially welcomes everyone and explains how the schedule works while we stand on her left and right side and just smile to the people who came just for us.

“Then let's get started!“ At first, we have a RTL interview. It's the German channel that shows the Formula One races and since we're both driving for Germany, it makes kind of sense to do it. The most questions are about the car, how it feels and of course, how it was possible for me to win and for him to finish the Italian Grand Prix on P3. Of course we also talk about the reactions and the party and it's funny to see him turning red as soon as the tradition is mentioned.

I can literally feel there's something Florian König really wants to ask me, but he doesn't and I'm quite sure it's about the guy I share DNA with. Futhermore, we have an interesting discussion about the other drivers and who should win this year's championship - obviously, we're both supporters of Sebastian. We joke about the Ferrari engines from 2016 and that we managed to beat the 2017 engines and of course do some promo for the German Grand Prix.

Then, a Spanish channel does the next interview and it seems like all the two interviewers are really interested in is how Fernando and I get along. I really try to involve Pascal and to change the topic, but it feels like every second question at least is about the Spaniard or our relationship.

Next interview is by Sky and it's really funny. We watch old videos of us and analyse them, as well as a few of Sebastian, Kimi and Nico. Suddenly, the Hulk calls my teammate and so he kind of joins us. Together, we do a _'German for beginners'_ video - the discussion, what's important for beginners and what's not takes us longer than the video itself, but it's really fun.

“Welcome to the _'German for beginners'_ video of ¾ of Team Germany, Sebastian is too busy focusing on the championship“, Nico starts via Skype and I chuckle. “Actually, he isn't, Nico was just bored and decided to join us because we're cool.“ My teammate and I high five and he pouts. “No, I just wanted to check on my two buddies.“

\---

After a few other television interviews, it's time for the magazines and newspapers. It's around 5 pm and I'm absolutely done, I think I never talked that much on a day before.

Bravo Sport is the first one and we're both sceptical when the two journalists come in. It's a German sports magazine, mainly for teenagers, and just like the normal Bravo, it's kind of known for talking absolute bullshit - at least you shouldn't believe everything what they want you to believe.

“Thanks for taking the time to talk with us“, one of them says and Pascal answers for me, saying it was a pleasure and stuff like this. “First question, are you two a couple?“

I almost choke on my salvia and he doesn't seem to react any better. “Are you serious? We're teammates and get along quite well, but as far as I know, that doesn't make us a damn couple”, I answer quickly and take a few deep breaths. ”Well, you seem quite close.” Pascal stares at them speechless and I carefully ruffle through his hair. ”So you're hinting that a friendship between a boy and a girl can't work? Guess what, you're wrong.”

”If you say so. How is it for you, Isabella, to race against so hot and good looking guys?” Now, I'm absolutely speechless. They can't be serious, van they? This is absolutely not about Formula One, this is about every single prejudge about girls they probably found online. ”It's not about us apparently looking good or something like that, it's the passion and the fascination we all share. She didn't become a Formula One driver because of the guys, but because it's her passion.”

\---

@Isa_Racing: It's 11 pm and I'm still not over the prejudge based interview @PWehrlein and I left early

@F1: extra press conference for the Malaysian Grand Prix is officially announced, read the full announcement here: [link]


	19. sunday | singapore

Sunday morning at 5 am local time, Pascal, Sebastian, Nico and I finally arrive at our hotel. It has been a hell of a trip and I can't wait to finally get some really needed sleep.

We arrived at the airport at 2:55 am, but there were already fans waiting for us and the the PR-guys who accompanied us made us taking photos and talking to them even though we just wanted to leave.

”Good night, guys”, I say as soon as we have the keys to our rooms and a yawn passes my lips. ”Oh right, you didn't sleep on the plane because the girl next to you needed someone to talk about her cheating boyfriend.” Nico smirks and I roll my eyes. ”And I protected you from a few stalking fans, if I didn't stop them you would have woken up with photos of you guys sleeping shared on Social media.”

Without waiting for an answer, I enter one of the waiting lifts and take a few deep breaths. ”Mind if I join you?” Sebastian chuckles and I shake my head, why should I mind it? ”I'll wake you up in 90 minutes, if you sleep longer now, you'll never get into the right sleeping rhythm.” Frustrated, I groan and yawn again. ”But I'll blame you in case I get kind of bitchy or something like that.”

”You'll be fine.” The door opens and I hug him quickly before leaving the lift and going to my room. Pascal's is right next to mine, but he and Nico are still downstairs at the bar while Sebastian probably tries to reach Hanna.

@Isa_Racing: Finally found a bed, I'll probably never leave it again

After the weird interview with Bravo Sport, I was so pissed off that I just needed to call Paolo and Matteo to tell them what happened, and I was surprised when I realised there weren't as many articles about the announcement as I thought.

I'm way too tired to change into other clothes and my joggers and the hoodie are comfortable enough to sleep in, so I fall down on the soft matress and sigh in relief. ”Finally.” Quickly, I make myself comfortable under the blankets and careless throw my phone on the couch.

\---

”Wakey wakey, sleepyhead.” Groaning, I turn around and hide under my covers. ”Let me sleep.” Sebastian chuckles and sits down on my bed. ”No, Bella, you need to get into the right sleeping rhythm.“ Frustrated, I throw one of the spare pillows in the direction of his voice and he laughs. “I really hate you right now.“

He grabs my covers and throws them on the floor. “You know I only want the best for you.“ Tired, I look at him and he smiles at me. “How it is going with Kimi?“, I ask, wanting to change the topic as soon as possible. ”We're good, does the offer about going out still stand?” Surprised that he remembers it, I nod and he grins. ”Awesome, what about Sushi? Mark once showed me one of the best sushi restaurants I have ever been in here after my first Singapore Grand Prix.”

My stomach is growling and I give him a thankful look when he hands me a smoothie. ”Sushi sounds awesome and I think it even fits in my diet.” I sit up and take a slip of my smoothie. ”Great, I'll text you when we reserved a table, alright?” Smiling, I nod and expect him to leave, but he doesn't. Slightly confused, I look at him and he sighs.

”Can I ask you something? You really don't to answer if you're not comfortable with it.” My heart's beating faster and all I can do is nodding - again. ”Those articles about your biological father, are they true or is it just a huge lie created by a bored journalist?”

He read them. He read the fucking articles. My mouth is suddenly completely dry and it feels like I forgot how to speak in less than a minute. He read the articles, which must mean they are not as harmless as I thought.

”I-I'm so sorry”, is all I can say after what feels like ages and I swallow hard. ”It's just ... I don't want to be always compared to _him_ , I don't want to hear those "she's just here because of her dad" comments, I don't want to be always just _his daughter_ for the rest of my life, I want to be me.”

Carefully, he pulls me into a close hug and mumbles sweet nothings into my ear. ”There's no reason to be sorry, I can totally understand you, I was always compared to Michael and it really annoyed me.” A choked sob passes my lips and in the next second, I'm a crying and sobbing mess in Sebastian's arms. ”They called me _'the new Schumacher'_ even though all I wanted to be was _'the_ _Vettel'_ \- someone every Formula One driver is afraid of.”

Quietly, he chuckles and I smile weakly. ”It would make the whole me being a Formula One driver only much more complex a-and I'm afraid of never being accepted as the person I am, but only as _his daughter_ ”, I mumble against his chest and he sighs. ”I'm afraid I can't stop the media from comparing you and your biological father and from calling you _his daughter_ , but I can promise you that I am going to talk to the others to make sure they're not doing it.”

Focusing on my breath, I slowly calm down and wipe away some tears. ”Thanks, but I think I should tell them the truth in person, maybe at the briefing when Lance is already gone.” Slightly worried, he looks at me and nods. ”If you think so, I don't think they will have a problem with him being your biological father. I mean, look at Max, nobody compares him to his father anymore because he has proven he is not his father.”

”But he's a guy, Seb, that's slightly different. It's now already hard enough for me to prove myself as a girl, but as _his daughter_? That's what I call a mission impossible. All they would expect from me is archiving what he couldn't archive during his active career.” He knows I have a point and that was one of my main reasons for keeping this a secret. ”You won a rain Grand Prix in a Formula One car which uses last year's Ferrari engine, I think you have already proven yourself during your two races.”

Sceptical, I look at him and take another slip from my smoothie. ”That was more luck than anything else, you had problems, Kimi, Both Mercedes and the Bulls as well, both Williams didn't finish.” In disbelief, he stare at me and shakes his head slightly. ”That's what the media wants to call it, Bella.”

Taking a deep breath, he takes my hands and looks deep into myself. ”I've seen a lot of drivers coming and going, Kimi, Felipe and Fernando have seen even more, and we were all amazed by your race. The way you still make the track yours, the way you deal with understeering, that's true talent.” Speechless, I look at him and get goosebumps - hearing a four-time Formula One champion talking about me, a damn rookie, like this, is someone I never even dared to dream of. ”Rain makes everything more complicated, even small mistakes can lead to a huge crash, the steeling wheel is a bit slippery and wet, you don't see the track as good as usually.”

Again, he takes a break and rests my hands on my knees. ”And you didn't know the car as good as we did, even Lance had a huge advantage because he knew his car better, but you won. That's the difference between you and him, you're here just because of your talent and because you work together with your team, you're staying just as long as I do.“ He chuckles and I smile weakly.

“Lance has talent, yes, and I won't deny it, but his father's money is the main reason why he's here, a few more years practice could have been good for him. But I think his presence keeps you motivated, you obviously want to prove him wrong.“ Surprised, I look at him, I didn't tell him about Lance's and my rivalry. ”Why are you so surprised? Your behaviour when he's around you is completely different and you don't even try to be nice to him. It's kind of obvious.”

I drink the rest of my smoothie and roll my eyes. ”If you say so.” My phone rings and I groan. ”Pray for me that it's not him.” Slowly, I stand up and go over to the couch, grab my phone and look at the caller ID. _Of course_ it's him, damn, my karma must really be horrible. ”And?” Scoffing, I turn around, sit on my bed again and swear under my breath. ”So it's him. What are you going to do? Ignoring him for being a proud father?”

Hearing the words _proud_ and _father_ in one sentence almost makes me choke on my salvia and I sigh. ”Probably, I'm not sure what to do right now.”

Before I can press the _'decline'_ button on my phone, he grabs it and accepts the call. He turns the telephone loudspeakers on and I stare at him in shock. ”Bella?” I try to get my phone back, but he hides it and whispers a quiet _"sorry"_ in my ear. ”She's sitting right next to me.” For a second, it's completely silent and I pray he hangs up, but he doesn't. ”Sebastian?” You could literally hear the shock in his voice and I have to admit, this is slightly satisfying. ”Yeah, of course it's me.”

Eyes rolling, I try to get my phone back for a second time, but he's too good at holding it out of my reach. ”What the hell are you doing in _my daughter's_ room?” Now, his voice is filled with disbelief and shock and the German next to me chuckles. ”I'm kind of doing your job right now.” Again, it's silent and I want to say someone, but just like earlier, I can't. My mouth is dry and I can't even swallow.

”What are you taking about?” With pleading eyes, I look at Sebastian, he really doesn't need to mention my breakdown. ”It's normally a father's duty to be there for his kid whenever it needs him, and turns out Bella really needed a shoulder to cry on.”

My life is absolutely over now. The ground may open and swallow me now, I promise I won't resist. “As someone who has known you for years now, I would like to remind you that your reveal has more consequences for her than it has for you, so you should have listened to her.“

“Can you please stop talking about me like this when I can hear everything?“, I grumble, finally having my voice back. “Seb, he _never_ really cared about me, he was _never_ proud of me, I really appreciate your help but this is hopeless. He's the most egoistic, egocentric and ignorant person I ever met, he even beats Lance and that must mean something.“ My voice is shaking and I really have to control myself to not start crying again.

“I really wish my mom would have never called you.“ Sebastian stares at me, speechless and probably surprised about me being so cold to my biological father. “Being a female Formula One driver is hard enough, but being a female Formula One driver who's your daughter? That means always just staying your daughter for the media, no matter what I archive.“ With that, I grab my phone and hang up. “I'm sorry, Seb, but he makes me so mad, I can't really control myself whenever I speak to him.“

\---

Sebastian left right after call, it was probably too much for him. And I didn't want to see someone after the call, so I started re-watching _“Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.“_ on Netflix.

Two hours later, someone knocks on my door and I groan. “It's open unless you're a Mercedes guy or the guy I share DNA with.“ The door opens and I smile weakly when I realise it's Pascal. “Seb told us to leave you alone, but we met Fernando, Felipe and Stoffel and we thought it would be cool to show you two Singapore. I mean, we can also do it on our own but they know the city better than Nico and I do.“

Unsure, he looks at me and I don't even need to think about it. ”Sounds awesome, give me ten minutes to change into something better and to cover up my red eyes.”

\---

Exactly ten minutes later, I arrive at the lobby, only to be greeted by a cheering bunch of idiots. ”Let's go!”, Felipe exclaims and I chuckle, this would be fun.

Together, we get into one of the Vans that are waiting outside and nobody agrues when Fernando shotguns the front passenger seat. ”Welcome to Nando's and Felipe's tour through Singapore, if you look on the right, you see the Germans' hotel and if you look closely, you see someone, probably a family member of a crew member, just arriving at said hotel.” 

\---

The tour was bloody amazing. We took a lot of dumb selfies, we pranked a few Formula One fans who arrived just as early as we did, we ate at an interesting fast food restaurant, we bought matching Singapore hoodies and I made Stoffel and his older teammate agree to a face mask and beauty evening.

@Isa_Racing: Explored Singapore with those guys, thanks for showing me and @svandoorne around! [Selfie attached]

The Selfie I chose shows us wearing fake sunglasses we found and we all did silly faces - it's one of the most hilarious selfies we took.

Finally, I'm back in my room and I literally spend the rest of the day in the bathtub with one of the longest baths I've ever taken and try to ban Mick, the guy I share DNA with and Lance from my thoughts.

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
I'm sorry


	20. thursday | sleepover and press conference

The sleeping rhythm is still messing with me. Yesterday, we had the Fan Forum and some more promo on the track and we had to get up way too early. When we got back, I swore myself to treat me with a long and restful sleep. Surprisingly, I really did go to bed early, but mainly because I didn't want to start a new series on Netflix.

But I didn't get as much sleep as I hoped because my Thursday began at 5 freaking am with a half naked Max knocking on my door. Fans found out where he stayed and decided to visit their idol in the middle of the night. Somehow, they must have managed to steal the spare keys for emergencies and sneaked unnoticed up to his floor and in his room. Poor Max was sleeping when the girls came in and turned the light on.

Well, they found him sleeping and woke him up with their screaming. He was literally blind at first because of the light being turned on, so it took him a while to realise the situation he was in. Then, sleepy and confused, he ran away from them, he left his hotel, ran across the street - _let's remember he just wore a pair of navy blue boxershorts_ \- and in the hotel where I stay.

We all had gotten a paper with everyone's hotel room and in which hotel everyone is staying and he decided to not wake up his teammate on the floor above, no, he decided to run across a street just in his boxershorts. Anyways, so he ignored the weird looks he got from everyone and went straight up to my room and woke me up as well at freaking 5 am. Instead of the nine hours of precious sleep I hoped for, I only got seven but at least the reason is really funny.

Obviously, I found the story quite amusing and couldn't stop laughing about it for what felt like hours, while a grumpy Netherlander watched me. Netherless, I understood he couldn't go back and after I called the security of RedBull's hotel, we discussed for another thirty minutes where he and I would be sleeping.

He was my guest, so I thought he should have my bed while he said he would be fine on the couch and that he wouldn't want to separate my bed and me. In the end, we agreed on sharing the king sized bed.

And here I am, laying restless next a sleeping Max. He literally fell asleep the second his body made contact with my matress and I watch him frustrated, why can he sleep and I can't?

 ** _From_ : DanBull**  
BELLA

 ** _From_ : DanBull**  
THERE ARE FANS IN MY ROOM

 ** _From_ : DanBull**  
I'M ON THE FLOOR ONLY IN TEE AND BOXER, CAN I COME OVER?

”What the hell”, I mutter under my breath and roll my eyes, what is wrong with the securities and the two RedBull drivers?

 ** _To_ : DanBull**  
Max is here as well but sure, come over

Groaning, I stand up and yawn, it's way too early for me. Just as I open the door, the lift door opens and Dan leaves it. “Hey there.“ I chuckle and let him go inside. Quickly, I close the door behind him and lock the door. “Seems like they stole not only Max' keys, but yours as well.“

I chuckle and watch him sitting down on the couch. “Thanks for saving me.“ He wipes away some sweat and takes deep breaths. “No problem, but why did you text me and not someone else?“ Handing him a bottle of water, I sit down next to him and ruffle through his wet hair. “It's not a secret you're still struggling with the different sleeping rhtyhms.“

Playfully, I slap his chest and he chuckles. “Now tell me your story, how did the girls wake you up?“ For a second, he's surprised and I point at his sleeping teammate in my bed. “They woke up Max as well.“

“Oh, right.“ Quietly, he chuckles and drinks some water. “Well, there was some screaming right next to my ears, so I woke up and looked around my room, absolutely confused. The light was turned on and it took my eyes a while to adjust to it, so there are probably a few photos of me being shared on social media right now.“ He pauses and I chuckle, I really can't wait for the photos to reach me.

“Then, I grabbed my phone and ran out of my room, swearing so loud I probably woke up the whole floor. When I was at the lobby, I didn't know where to go, so I texted you, hoping you were awake and ran like someone who turned crazy across the street, just in my short and boxershorts.“ I hide my face in a pillow to absorb most of my laughers, this is hilarious.

“By the time you answered me, I was already in the lobby downstairs. The receptionist looked at me and said, I swear she really said: _“Are you another one of guests of the sleepover of this racing girl? It's room 839.“_ Her look was priceless, I swear. Well, here I am, being thankful for your struggles with adjusting to the sleeping rhythm.“

When he is finished, I'm laying on the ground and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard and so much during the last hour. “Sleepover? Honestly? This is awesome.“ While focusing on my breath to calm down, I grab my phone and open the Twitter app.

@Isa_Racing: According to the receptionist, Dan, Max and I are having a sleepover

@Isa_Racing: Truth is, they both had to run away from fans who sneaked into their hotel rooms

@Isa_Racing: But let's call it a sleepover, I never had one before

\---

It's time for the press conference and all I want to do is to get some sleep. Dan and Max both were able to fall asleep after coming over, but I wasn't. “What did you do last night instead of sleeping?“, asks Stoffel while we wait backstage and I sigh. “Actually, I slept until Max and Dan needed someone who lets them stay at a safe hotel room.“

Confused, he looks at me and I yawn. “They were visited by fans last night and both run across the street to crash down at my place.“ “So _that_ was the screaming last night“, comments Joylon and chuckles. “Yes, _that_ was the screaming last night.“

This time, someone decided there would be a rookie press conference, so this time, it's only Joylon, Stoffel, Lance and I - I'm not sure if I like this idea or not, but at least, I'm not alone with him. The Canadian says something, but I ignore him; it's better this way.

The group before us leaves the press conference and I want to high five Lewis, but he ignores me. Confused, I look at him and Dan notices it and high fives me quickly. “Thanks, again.“ I shrug and smile at him. “No problem, I'm glad I could help. Oh, by the way, I really like your photos, my favourite one is the one where you look confused into the camera and try to figure out what's going on.” His expression is really hilarious and I laugh. ”Don't worry, I reported the accounts after saving the pictures.”

Fernando chuckles and Dan seems to be kind of frozen. We rookies are announced and I pat his back before entering the press room together with the others. ”Where do you want to sit?”, mumbles Stoffel as soon as we're inside and I shrug. ”I don't care.”

So we sit down in front of Joylon and Lance and I chuckle quietly when I notice the tortured expression on the Briton's face.

As usual, the first few questions are about the cars, about the track and the fans - it's kind of standard. While answering those, I lean on Stoffel's shoulder and can't suppress a yawn, damn, I can't wait to be in my precious bed again. ”The first few adjustments are the hardest ones”, he whispers and I scoff quietly. ”Thanks for the motivational information.” He chuckles and I roll my eyes. ”You better focus on the press conference, it usual helps me when I'm super tired.” I want to answer, but someone slaps my neck before I can. ”Owwww! What the hell?”

Joylon laughs and Lance smirks at me. ”You were asked a question, stop flirting and concentrate on the press conference, _pretty girl._ ” For safety reasons, I decide to ignore the fact that Lance _'spoiled, bratty asshole'_ Stroll just called me a pretty girl and smile at the journalists instead. ”I'm sorry, can you repeat the question? Didn't get that much sleep last night because I kind of had to save the Bulls.”

Most of them chuckle and I give my very best to not turn around and slap the Canadian behind me. ”Doesn't the presence from so handsome men distract you giving your best?” My lower jaw almost hits the ground, I swear, and I stare at the woman who asked the question. Yes _, a freaking woman_ asked such a question. Speechless, I continue staring at her, I really don't know what answer I can give her which doesn't have a "are you alright?” in it.

”This is not the right place for a question like this”, Joylon answers politely for me, ”but I don't think she even really cares about that. We're all here because we share the passion of driving fast cars and so on, the way someone looks doesn't matter.” Turning around, I give him a thankful look and try to somehow get my voice back.

”I've known Isabella for quite a long time, since 2011 if I'm not completely mistaken and trust me, she can focus literally _everywhere_ and _whenever_ she wants. You can't disturb her from focusing - in moments like that, handsomeness, hotness and cuteness don't exist for her. Someone once had puppies in our garage and until 10 minutes before the Qualifying started, all she did was playing with them.”

Surprised, I watch Lance talking about me and I swallow, it feels weird knowing he is protecting me right now. ”But then, she stood up, turned around and discussed something with one of her mechanics. She beat me in the Qualifying.”

He chuckles slightly at the memory and I smile weakly. ”In addition to the two previous speakers, I would like to point out that we're actually living in the 21st century, equality and feminism are modern values. What if your daughter would had been sitting next to me? Would you had been asking the same question? Think about it.”

For the rest of the press conference, no one dares to ask me something, so I lean my head on Stoffel's shoulder again and watch the journalists wiring everything down.

As soon as we're outside, I sigh in relief. ”Thanks for saving me, guys, I really didn't know how to react.” Joylon pats my back and smiles at me. ”No problem, I can't imagine how sick you must be of comment and questions like that.” I shrug and watch Lance walk away. ”Surprisingly, I somehow got used to them, I normally just ignore them, but a woman never said something like that before, it had always been men.“

“We are going to make sure something like this will never happen again, I promise you.“ Stoffel hugs me quickly and I smile. “Thanks, but you don't need to do that.“ “But we want to”, answer by at the same time and I chuckle. ”You're unbelievable.”

Lewis passes us and I decide to try to get him to talk to me. ”Wait!”, I exclaim and follow him quickly. ”Talk to me, please. Tell me what I did wrong, yell at me, slap me, I don't fucking care, but please stop ignoring me.” In surprise, I watch him turn around and taking his sunglasses off. ”Why didn't you tell me who your father is?” Confused, I look at him. ”I thought he told you? Wasn't that the thing he told you before my party?”

”No, he didn't.”

 ** _To_ : guy I share DNA with**  
What kind of games are you playing with me?

 ** _To_ : guy I share DNA with**  
I thought you had told Lewis that you're my biological father and you admitted it on the roof, but he says you didn't?

 ** _To_ : guy I share DNA with**  
So what the hell is your plan?

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
He's not good for you


	21. friday | singapore grand prix

This time, I really managed to go straight to bed and to sleep until my alarm on my phone wakes me up - those 12 hours of sleep were exactly what I needed.

This drama with Lewis and the guy I share DNA with luckily didn't keep me awake and even though I'm still confused and don't understand what's going on, I decide to let it be. It would just distract me from driving and from giving my best and if Lewis wants to ignore me, I won't stop him from doing so.

At first, I take a long shower - shaving takes its time, duh - and put on some fresh underwear, my Sauber Shirt, some black destroyed jeans and a thin jacket. Then, I go downstairs and quickly eat something and have a quick briefing with the strategy guys about the possible setups. Outside of the hotel, there are a few fans and I decide to go out and take some photos with them, it's slightly raining and that's the least I can do for them.

“Hey Bella.“ Wincing, I turn around to Stoffel and roll my eyes. “Would you guys please stop giving me a heart attack everytime you feel like watching me wince in surprise and shock?“ He chuckles and I scoff. “Sorry, it won't happen again, I promise.“ Sceptical, I look at him and chuckle as well. “Let's pray for you that you can keep a promise.“

To my surprise, he offers me a ride - he probably feels sorry for the press conference and wants to make sure something like that doesn't happen on my way to the paddock again - and I decide to accept said offer, it won't harm anyone, right?

 ** _To_ : teammate**  
Don't wait for me, I'm already on my way to the circuit

McLaren seriously gifted him a freaking McLaren 570Gt just because he drives for their Formula One team - which isn't that successful at the moment. And I am actually sitting in this speedster of a car and am amazed by the interior. ”Once, my baby had to stay at the garage and I got a Mini for the time. Compared to the Mini, even my McLaren-Honda is fast.“ It should seem like a joke, but I know he's frustrated about the engines made by Honda. It must be even more frustrating seeing someone win their second Formula One race ever.

“Don't be so bitter, at least you can blame everything on the engine plus you've got Nando who had surly already written a few pissed off letters to the Honda factory.“ I smile and he chuckles slightly. “You're right.“

\---

The rest of the ride, we talked about God and the world and I really enjoyed it. Thanks to him, I was able to forget the drama with Lewis and my biological father and yesterday's press conference.

”Let's go.” Smiling, he opens the car door for me and I take his hand. ”Let's see if I can beat you here as well”, I smirk and he gasps in shock. ”No way!” Seconds later, we both break out in laugher and he shakes his head. ”If my engine works, I will beat you, Bella.”

Together, we pass the entrance and show our identification badgets to the securities. ”This still seems absolutely like a dream to me.” Proudly, I look down at my ID in my hands and smile, even though my photo is absolutely horrible, I will frame this piece of plastic after this year's season. ”I know, sometimes I still wake up and think I just dreamed that I drove an actual Formula One car.” We both laugh quietly and he greets an journalist on our way to the paddocks.

In front of the Ferrari paddock, Sebastian is just talking to Florian and I jump on his back. ”Hey”, I grin and both men laugh. ”Nice to see you smiling, Bella, how exited are you for today's practice sessions?“ Someone of the PR guys hands me a Sauber Cap and I put it on with a huge smile on my lips. “Really exited, I can't wait to finally sit in my blue beauty again.“ Playfully, I ruffle through Sebastian's hair and he chuckles. “For us, it's absolutely interesting to see what Pascal and Bella are doing with last year's engines for the strategy, we have a few guys who are only watching them and Williams.”

Surprised, I look at the back of the German's head and Florian chuckles. ”Seems like you're taking them serious. Thanks for the quick update and good luck you two.”

Sebastian lets me down and pulls me into a close hug. ”Are you alright?”, he mumbles and I nod, earning a reliefed sigh from him. ”What do you think about sushi tomorrow evening? We kind of forgot to reserve a table until now, but I can ask Britta to do it during practice.” Right, the sushi date, I totally forgot it. ”Sounds great, just text me when you know when, okay?” He agrees and chuckles. ”Practise starts in ten, we better get ready.”

The Ferrari paddock is the first one, followed by the Mercedes one - the Sauber Paddock is the last one, so I really have to run. “Go Bella!“, yells Max and Daniel cheers loud, if I had the time to stop, I would comment their actions, but I have no time, so I just ignore it.

Breathing heavily, I change into the fireproof underwear and the overall and put on the special shoes. “Bella?“, Pascal shouts and I leave my changing room. “Before you ask, yes, I'm ready.“ He puts an arm around me and I chuckle at the weird looks we get while walking like this to our garage.

“Hey guys, are you ready to ramble?“ Playfully, a mechanic and I have a little boxing match and they all laugh. “We are ready if you are ready.“ Monisha chuckles and I smile, I really love this crew. “Remember, your engines are quite old, so don't push too hard. It's more important for you to get to know the track than showing how fast you really are.“ My teammate and I salute and I put on my gloves before climbing into the car. Someone fastens my seatbelts and I wave at a cameraman who filmes me.

\---

After both practice sessions, I can tell this could become one of my favourite tracks of the season. The car felt good and I could even beat Lewis' times in both sessions, so I'm really happy right now. Lance had two crashes, one in each session, which only satisfies me even more - we both had never driven on this track before, so this is going to be an interesting weekend. I climb out of my car and high five Pascal and Monisha. “Well done, both of you. Take it easy today, no more exploring, alright?“

“This can be arranged.“ Cheekily, I smile and she chuckles. “You're unbelievable, honestly Bella.“ She quickly hugs us and we say goodbye to her before he leaves the garage - I, on the other hand, go through the data with my crew. Together, we discuss the different setups and agree on two possible ones, which one we're going to decide after the third practice sessions tomorrow morning.

When I look at the clock, I'm surprised to see it's already 8 pm. “So that's why someone asked me what I think about _'the new Vettel'_.“ Daniel waits in front of the Sauber Paddock and chuckles. “Did someone really call me like that?“ Here we go with those damn comparisons. “Yeah, I think he was a French interview but I'm absolutely not sure.“ Scoffing under my breath, I take my shoes off and he watches me smiling. “What's up?“, I ask while going to my changing room. “Just wanted to check on you.“

“Well, you obviously just did.“ He sighs and I chuckle. “I'm just going to change really quick, but you can talk if you want as long as you don't expect a really serious answer.“

Laughing, he nods and I close the door behind me. “We had a male drivers only briefing today“, he starts and I have a bad feeling about what follows, “and your father was there as well.“ Just in my fireproof underwear, I freeze and my heart beats suddenly way faster than just a second before. “Lewis left the room before he could even start, but he explained us everything. It all makes sense somehow. The party left me quite confused, but he made sure to clear everything up.“

He pauses and I have to put myself together and undress completely. “I can't talk for all nineteen of us, but I can talk for Max, our crews and me when I say that your biological father doesn't change the way we look at you. You're still our Bella who's ready to beat us if we can't give our best.“ Quickly, I put in my normal underwear and sigh in relief, at least I don't have to explain it to them now.

“We can't control the media will look at you, but we are going to do everything in our power to prevent those stupid comparisons and to make clear that you're absolutely not him.“ I button up my flannel and put on my jeans. “Thanks, Dan, this really means a lot to me, I don't really know what to say.“ Careless, I throw my underwear and the overall in a corner, I know someone folds them anyways.

Opening the door, I quickly hug him and he puts his arm around me in surprise. ”No problem, kiddo.” The smell of his aftershave surrounds me and I pout slightly. ”Now you officially ruined the moment with ”kiddo”, shame on you.”

After a while of standing like this in the middle of the hallway, we decide to go downstairs and he chuckles. ”Not in your team's clothing? Shame on you.” Eyes rolling, I grab a Sauber Jacket which is laying around and put it on. ”Well my shirt is still wet from the water attack from Daniil during the break.” He laughs and nods. ”Right, I almost forgot that really happened. Your expression was really hilarious.”

”Shut up, Dan.” Paparazzi notice us and I sigh, I really hate those people. Yes, it's their job to take photos, but I don't need hundreds or even more cameras being shoved in my face. Plus their questions, comments or whatever those sentences that are yelled in my face are meant to be are just super annoying and sometimes sexistic.

Daniel notices how uncomfortable I suddenly am and yells at some security because they obviously don't do their job. The men quickly run towards the paparazzi and keep them away from us. ”Thanks”, I mumble and give him a thankful smile. ”You're welcome, you just really need time to get used to them.”

Everyone else is already gone and he doesn't even need to offer me a ride - I'm not allowed to drive here, so he's my only option to get back to the hotel without waiting for a hotel.

We don't talk much during the ride back to our hotels, I'm tired and he sings loud and completely wrong to the songs that are played in the radio.

“Good night, Bella, sleep tight“, he says as we arrive at my hotel and I kiss his cheek before I step out of the car. “You too, Dan.“


	22. saturday | singapore grand prix

A nightmare wakes me up at around 5 am. I swear I could feel his hands on my torso, manhandling me, his breath against the crock of my neck and I could hear his voice again, telling me this is all my fault and that I need to be silent for him.

My whole body is trembling and I feel the tears running down my face. I hate this. I hate the fact that those memories sometimes just come back and that I can do absolutely nothing against them. I feel dirty even though I know he isn't here, I know this was just a nightmare but the memories itself are bad enough to give me this dirty feeling.

Netherless, I stand up, slowly walk in the bathroom and lock the door behind me. “I hate you“, I whisper while undressing myself and I lean myself on the door for a few minutes before feeling strong enough to actually showering.

I hate him. I hate him for what he did to me, I hate him for being proud of it. I hate him for playing games with my mind, making me honestly thinking it was my fault. I hate him for making my mom so blind that she didn't see it. I hate him for those nightmares I can't control. I hate him because I can't be in a room with complete strangers on my own, thanks to him. I hate him because he blamed me for his need to do those horrible things to me. I hate him for forcing me to grow up. I hate him for smiling at court when he saw me crying. I just absolutely hate this man.

\---

It takes me two hours of showering to get rid of the dirty feeling, but it's okay. At least I didn't get a panic attack this time. I put on some fresh underwear, joggers and the Singapore hoodie and pray someone's already awake.

Just as I leave my room and lock the door behind me, Pascal leaves his room as well and we literally walk into each other. “Hey“, he chuckles and I try to hide how reliefed I am. “Hey.“ We enter the lift together and I take a deep breath. “Is everything alright?“ Probably a bit too quick, I nod and he looks at me really sceptical. “If you say so. But I'm always there for you, alright?“ Again, I nod and smile weakly. “Just had a nightmare, that's all.“

Before he can answer, the doors open and I literally run to my mechanics and greet them. They are absolutely motivated and so am I, I really can't wait to sit in the car again. During breakfast, we discuss the setups together with the strategy guys and look at the weather as well.

\---

After breakfast, I change into my precious Sauber Sweater and join the strategy guys ride to the circuit, it's just 8 am, but I really feel like going through my data again. I want to use the third practice sessions to work on the perfect lap - and I can only do so if I know where I left tenths and how to improve my driving.

So that's exactly what I am doing as soon as I arrive at the circuit, I jog to the garage and go through every single lap with my crew. We discuss what I can do better and where I already did my best. And I really enjoy it, I have finally a crew who is taking me serious and doesn't ignore me whenever I want to discuss something like the setup or my laps.

They have accepted me as their driver for the rest of this year's season and they seem to enjoy those long and interesting discussions as well. They support me and I really can trust them with my life which is something I never had before. Furthermore, they don't tell me to go back to school to learn something for _my future husband_ or to go to the kitchen where a woman like me would belong in, and I'm really thankful for that.

Twenty minutes before the practice sessions starts, I change from my normal clothes into my fireproof underwear, the Sauber Overall and the shoes. By now, I'm so used to this procedure that it takes me less than five minutes to do so.

On my way back to the garage, I do a quick interview with the French interviewers and high five Daniel who passes me while speaking to another interviewer and gives me his brightest smile. “Have fun, kiddo.“ I chuckle and roll my eyes. “Thanks, old guy.“

Back in the garage, I high five my slash Marcus' whole crew and we film a short video to cheer him up a bit.

After we finished the video, I quickly go through the perfect lap with the strategy guys and my data from yesterday's practice sessions and then it's already time. The procedure is like always, I put my gloves on, climb in my car, someone fastens my seatbelt while someone else places the steeling wheel in its rightful position, whoever finishes first hands me the fireproof mask thingy I still don't know the name of and helps me with the helmet.

When everything's done, I follow Pascal from the garage on the track and overtake him as soon as possible, mainly because I usually prefer a higher speed than he does for getting to know the track and working on the perfect lap for Qualifying.

\---

The third practice session went surprisingly well, I really was able to work on my lap for the Qualifying and we finished the long runs we started yesterday, I had every tyre at least once during practice, so I think I am ready for tomorrow's race.

Tying the overall around my waist, I leave the garage and decide to disturb Nico's interview. “Hola“, I yell and hug him from the side. “Hey Bella“, he chuckles and I smile. “He really sucks at expressing his feelings, he just can't admit that he missed me at dinner yesterday.“ At least that's what Pascal told me, that dinner was apparently quite boring without me to do something _'stupid'_. I am handed a microphone and the interviewer laughs quietly.

“Do you think you can beat him at Qualifying, Isabella?“ His laps weren't that good, but nobody really shows the real pace during practice. “Well, I hope so, but we'll see. The car felt great, so I think Q2 should be realistic, Q3 would be really nice.“ It's quite windy today and I shiver slightly, the fireproof sweatshirt is not really windproof. “We had some problems this morning, but they should by fixed by now and I hope for an exiting battle against her and Pascal, they're both on our level and it's going to be interesting.“

“Bella!“ Pascal runs toward us, takes off his jacket and lays it on my shoulders. “We need you for and healthy for tomorrow“, he quotes Monisha and I chuckle. “And what about you?“ He chuckles and ruffles through my hair. “Don't worry about me, I'm not freezing.“ Slightly sceptical, I look at him but see absolutely no sign of him freezing. “Yes, Sir.“

\---

_**Qualifying results:** _

1\. Vettel (1:39:297)  
2\. Raikkonen (1:39:578)  
3\. Bottas (1:39:610)  
4\. Ricciardo (1:40:369)  
5\. Verstappen (1:40:896)  
6\. Kyvat (1:40:901)  
7\. Massa (1:40:910)  
8\. Hülkenberg (1:40:929)  
9\. Wehrlein (1:41:089)  
10\. Palmer (1:41:100)  
11\. Rossi (1:41:103)  
12\. Stroll (1:41:696)  
13\. Alonso (1:41:728)  
14\. Gutierrez (1:41:859)  
15\. Ocon (1:41:890)  
16\. Perez (1:41:940)  
17\. Grosjean (1:42:200)  
18\. Vandoorne (1:42:358)  
19\. Magnussen (1:42:499)  
20\. Hamilton (no timed lap)

\---

Lewis crashed during his first lap, so he couldn't even drive one timed lap to reach Q2, Lance was behind me, so it could absolutely be worse. But what pisses me off is the minimal difference between mine and Joylon's lap, I should have managed to reach Q3 somehow. It annoys me even more because he had problems and couldn't drive in Q3 - but that's racing.

We practiced starts and pit stops yesterday in the first practice session, so maybe that could be a small advantage.

While Pascal, Nico, Sebastian, Kimi and the others were still on the track, I already did my interviews - they were all quite short, I wasn't really in the mood to talk and I didn't think there was much to talk about, it was obvious that I was frustrated and not happy with the result.

Yes, I know, I'm a damn rookie and should be happy with P11, but I'm not. I did too many mistakes, I didn't use the full potential of the car and it frustrates me. The team did a great job, but _I_ didn't.

After the interviews, I go straight back to the crew and we continue the discussion about the little mistakes I did which had a huge impact on my time. A mechanic had the brilliant idea to ask the direction to give us the complete material of my laps and surprisingly, they agreed. So we watch it and I can see my mistakes from another perspective.

“Bella?“ Sebastian stands in my garage and I turn around to him in surprise. “Forgot about Sushi?“ Mentally, I slap myself for completely forgetting the dinner date thingy with him and Kimi and I quickly stand up. “Yeah, kind of.“ He laughs and ruffles through my hair. “Don't worry so much about your result, you did an amazing job.“

In less than five minutes, I change into my normal clothes and fold my racing clothes this time, don't ask me why, I just feel like doing so.  
Then, I join Kimi and Sebastian who are waiting in front of the Ferrari paddock and because I forgot it earlier, I congratulate them on the Pole-Position and on P2.

Together, we leave the circuit and stop a few times to sign merchandise and take photos - mostly, it's me who takes the photos or watches them signing stuff, but it's alright. They are driving for Ferrari, the team who is leading the team championship and the driver's championship and I'm just a rookie.

\---

The ride to the restaurant is filled with their discussions about the Qualifying and tomorrow's race while I watch the road.

The restaurant itself is really fancy and we earn some weird looks when we are showed our table - I wear one of my precious flannels and some black jeans, Sebastian wears a plain black shirt and black jeans as well while Kimi wears a gray sweater and blue jeans.

Most of the time, they talk and I just randomly nod or agree on something even though there's nothing to agree on.

But we also talk about Lewis' crash and I tell them about his weird behaviour since the announcement which I still absolutely don't understand. Kimi has some wild theories why he acts like he does and after finishing eating, we're thrown out because apparently, we disturb everyone elses dinner.

So we sit on the roof of our hotel and watch the stars, they're cuddling and I tweet deep stuff until I somehow manage to fall asleep.


	23. sunday | singapore grand prix

Confused, I look around. I'm in my bed, but I have absolutely no clue how I got there - I remember falling asleep on the roof with Sebastian and Kimi. But then I notice a note laying on the pillow next to me and I chuckle slightly. _“Hope you slept well, Kimi carried you to your room x Seb“,_ it says in German and I smile, he's cute. And I am really surprised how neat his writing at 11 pm or even later was, I usually can't read my own writing on the next morning.

Sleepy, I stand up and notice that he must have changed me into something more comfortable to sleep in. It feels weird, knowing another man saw me just in my underwear and didn't feel the need to do those horrible things to me. My clothes from yesterday lay on the couch, everything's folded neatly and I laugh to myself at the thought of the Finn folding my clothes.

 ** _To_ : Iceman**  
Thanks x

I change from my joggers and the wide tee into a pair of highwaist black destroyed jeans and the Sauber T-Shirt. It's chilly, so I put on the Sauber hoodie jacket on as well and quickly do my morning routine before going downstairs for breakfast. Most of the team is already eating and I don't see Pascal or someone else to sit with, so I join my mechanics - it can't be a bad thing to have a good relationship with them, can it?

After a quick breakfast, I go up and grab my phone as well as the pair of sunglasses Pascal had given me at the team base and then go downstairs again and put it on. It's not really sunny today, but I still don't feel really comfortable with the flashes of the paparazzi and Kimi told me it had helped him at first to deal with those better and in a more grown up way. Together with some guys of my slash Marcus' crew, I sit in one of the Vans and listen to their discussion who would win this race and who would be the loser.

 ** _From_ : Iceman**  
No problem x

As soon as we arrive at the circuit, I notice how helpful a damn pair of sunglasses can really be - those glasses really help me ignoring the paparazzi and are making their presence way more comfortable for me, even though they still yell questions and comments in my face. That must be one of the bad sides of being a well known person and/or a person of public interest.

I enter the circuit and show my identification badget to one of the securities standing there. “Good luck, Ma'am“, one of them says says and smiles politely at me. “Thanks, have a good day, Sir.“ Returning the smile, I continue my walk to the Sauber Paddock - Peter Sauber himself was announced to visit our team today, so Pascal and I were told to meet him before or after the race.

Since I don't know how the race might end for me, I want to have this done before it, so I can totally concentrate after the talk with him. Of course I feel honoured he wants to meet me in person, but specially on a race day, it's just some extra distraction for me. Instead of focusing only on the race, I have to remind myself to meet him and stuff, it's not that useful.

\---

The talk with Peter was quite good, I guess. It's not like I'm the best talker on this planet and I think he noticed he didn't have my full attention, but honestly, if he decides to come by on a race day, that's absolutely not my fault.

It's time for the driver's parade and Stoffel insits on helping me getting on the track and so I let him, just because I can't stand his pout anymore. “Gentleman“, Fernando comments laughing while his younger teammate helps me to get on the track for the parade. “Unlike you“, he retorts and I chuckle. “Stop it, please guys.“

Surprisingly, they listen to me and the Spaniard pats Stoffel's back. “Way better.“ Smiling, I make my way over to Kimi and Sebastian who are standing a bit separate from the others. “Hey guys“, I grin and they both chuckle. “How went your talk with Sauber?“ Surprised, I look at the Finn for a second but then, I remember he walked past the paddock at least four times. “Good, I hope. I'm not sure, I didn't pay that much attention because the race is way more important.“

“That would be so you, _babe_.“ The German whispers the last part and I grin like an Idiot, I might have my struggles with love, but I do have to admit they are just so cute. His boyfriend blushes slightly and this only shows how deeply and madly they are in love with each other. “God, you two are so freaking adorable“, I mumble and Kimi quickly ruffles through my hair. “Camera behind us.“

As fast as I can, I turn around and see Kai Ebel standing in front of us. “Can I borrow her for a sec?“, he asks and I chuckle when both Ferrari drivers nod. We go a few steps away from them and he hands me a microphone.

“So Bella, what do you expect from this race?“ I see Lance talking to Lewis and have to control myself to not roll my eyes at them. “It's going to be a very interesting race with Lewis starting from the very back and with Joylon, Pascal and Nico in front of me.“ Quietly, I chuckle and he nods. “And with Lance right behind you.“ Said guy looks confused at us; luckily, he doesn't speak German or this would be even weirder than it is right now. “Yeah, it's satisfying to have him behind me even though I know it's going on be tough keeping him there.“

\---

Together, we stand in front of our cars and listen to the national hymn, Lewis on my left and Felipe on my right and all I can think about is that I really need to talk to whoever arranges those orders.

Daniel, Max, Sebastian, Kimi, Stoffel, Fernando, Daniil, Carlos, Nico, Pascal and Felipe wish me good luck and I return the wishes, when the German Ferrari driver hugs me, I quietly add a _”and I hope you win this race”_ which makes him chuckle. The other eight drivers on the other hand give me weird looks, but I don't care.

”Good luck, Isabella”, Monisha says as I arrive at my car and she pulls me into a quick hug. ”Thanks.” I smile at her and she returns it. ”Don't push too hard, your engine is quite old and used, alright?” Even though I really want to push as hard as I can, I nod and she smiles. ”Good, get ready.”

As usual, I put my gloves on, climb into the blue beauty aka my car and just like always, someone fastens the seatbelts and someone puts the steeling wheel in its rightful position. Then I get help with putting the fireproof mask and the helmet on.

The installation lap is quite normal, it's weird seeing the silver arrow in my rear mirror, but it's definitely something I could get used to.

Taking a deep breath, I wait for the whole field to park their cars and as soon as the lights are red, I feel the rush of adrenaline.

My start is better than Joylon's, but I can't overtake him. ”Don't rush it, Bella.” Every single answer I have on my tongue is not really appropriate, so I just let it be. I'm relieved when I see the two Ferraris at the front, followed by both RedBulls, so Valteri must have had a bad start.

There's a crash right behind me and I see the Williams of my all-time rival Lance Stroll leaving the track. ”He's out, crashed with Gutierrez.“ Obviously, I can see his car off the track as well. I should be kind of satisfied with Lance being out, but Lewis is now two position closer to me, so this was absolutely not the right timing for me.

Normally, he should have absolutely no problem with overtaking Romain and co behind me and me, but he really seems to struggle with that. Maybe his team couldn't repair everything or they missed something, I don't know. But I kind of like it, seeing the man who dominated Formula One with his former teammate for the last three years struggling with overtaking a McLaren-Honda or a Toro Rosso.

\---

My first pit stop went surprise well and I managed to stay in front of Lewis. It's lap 34 and I can't really believe he is still behind me. Okay, Daniil is out as well and I overtook Joylon, Nico, Felipe and my teammate, which means I'm on P6 and he's on P7 - but he is still behind me.

In my rear mirror, I see him coming closer and closer and I'm reminded to not risk anything to prevent him overtaking me. I confirm it and roll my eyes, I understand their worries about my way too old engine but I just want to push as hard as I can, god damn.

On the next straight, he's close enough to try to overtake me and I mutter some swearing words under my breath. He's next to me, if I moved my head to the left, I could see his helmet. The straight is coming to an end and I speed up, knowing I can push harder than I do. Nobody reminds me of my way too old engine, so I push as hard as I can, so I do exactly that. The turn is coming closer and closer and I'm in front of him again.

But before I can steer my car in the next turn, I'm suddenly off the track. My left front tyre is not in its normal position and I know exactly what that means. My race is over. “Bella, are you alright?“ His silver arrow is on the other side of the track and from what I can see, he can't finish the race either. “Yeah, sorry guys.“ I take off the steeling wheel, place it on my car's body, unfasten my seatbelt and climb out of it. “From what we have seen, it wasn't your fault.“

Frustrated, I throw my gloves in my car and they are followed by my helmet and the fireproof mask - I still don't know what it is really called and I don't really care. “What the hell?“, I yell across the track and clench my fists.

But he ignores me. Totally relaxed, he climbs out of his car, places the helmet, gloves and the mask on its body and I shake my head in disbelief. Someone tells me to go behind the barriers and I do so. “Do you need a doctor?“ The only thing I need is a punching bag in the form of Lewis Carl Hamilton, so I shake my head again.

They offer me a ride on the back of a motorcycle, but I deny it, I don't want to talk to a person right now. This is so childish, taking me out because he couldn't overtake me at the very first try. I walk back to the garage and Monisha hugs me quickly.

“Shhh, it's alright.“ Tears of frustration and anger stream down my face and I sob against her shirt. “He literally drove in your side, you have to talk with the Stewards later, but I don't think you'll get a penalty because of this.“

For a few minutes, we stay like this and I'm really thankful for that. Then, I go to every single crew member to say I'm really sorry for not finishing the race - but they all repeat what she said with their own words.

After that, I go straight to my punching bag and for twenty minutes, this is all I care about. My punches are hard and full of anger and frustration about Lewis' childishness. If he's angry at me, please, then he shall continue ignoring me off the track, but those personal tensions just don't belong on the track.

“Bella?“ Monisha watches me and I look at her for a second as a sign that I'm listening before continuing boxing. “The press is waiting.“ Frustrated, I groan and throw my boxing gloves on the ground. “And then you have to talk to the Stewarts.“

“What happened?“  
“I didn't watch it yet, so all I can say is that he drove in my side.“  
“So it was his fault?“  
“To be fair, I will not comment this until the official desicion about the crash is made and public.“  
“Why?“  
“Because if I do comment it now, I'm the girl who talks bad about her colleagues and can't lose.“


	24. tuesday | promo

Apparently, the crash was a normal Formula One accident and even though I don't believe it, I have to accept it. The last week, I did even more simulator work than before, worked out even more than before and had even more discussions with the crew about the car and how to make it faster than before.

Yesterday, we all arrived at the Malaysian airport at the same time - that only happened because our first flight was cancelled and so we arrived later as planned. With us, I mean Sebastian, Pascal, Max, Daniel, Daniil, Nico, Romain, Kimi, Fernando and obviously, me. So we had to take the flight Lewis took as well and let's just say it was akward.

Today, it's promo day. Not the promo we have to do tomorrow like the Fan Forum or signing a lot of stuff until your hands hurt, but more likely promo for the fans and supporters at home. That's all we know for now.

It's 8 am - way too early for me - and we sit in little groups in the backstage area. My head is leaned on Daniel's shoulder and I follow the discussion who is going to have the championship winning car next season. It's not a serious one, most of us haven't seen our cars for the next season, but Lewis was already annoyed by this discussion on the plane, so Nico carries it on - extra loud and extra on English.

”Welcome, guys.” Two men are coming backstage and I sigh quietly, I just want to sleep for God's sake. ”Today, we are going to shoot some videos for your fans. As you all hopefully know, the Christmas season is starting quite soon.” It's September and we're thinking about Christmas already?

”And why are we here?”, asks Lewis and crosses his arms. ”To wish your fans a merry Christmas and a happy new year. Of course, that's not all. The pairings are going to get different tasks which involve your native language and your country's Christmas traditions.”

I always have hated Christmas. Maybe it's because my birthday is on New Year's Eve, so I get all my presents in one week - specially as a little child, I absolutely hated it. My mom usually gave me the first part of a present on Christmas and the second one on my birthday, so I had to wait one week until I could really do something with it.

”Yay”, cheers Nico and I roll my eyes at him. ”Hey, you have the advantage of speaking a few more languages fluent than I do”, he comments and I shrug. ”Christmas isn't really something for me, it always ended in a huge family drama.”

2008, Paolo found out my mom had cancer - again - and that she didn't want to do chemotherapy again. They argued the whole freaking day in my mom's bedroom, but the walls were thin, so we could hear every single word.  
In 2006, my mom found out on Christmas Eve that her boyfriend at that time cheated on her - he mixed up their presents.  
2014, one of Matteo's brothers, Alessandro, blurted out he impregnated a random girl and his parents and he argued the whole night long.  
And I don't even want to start about my one and only Christmas with the guy I share DNA with.

The pairings are announced and I sigh in relief - Daniel, Stoffel and I are paired together. Nico didn't have so much luck, he is together in one group with Lewis and Carlos - he and the Briton don't get along that well at the moment.  
Lance, Fernando and Kimi are one group and this is going to be really interesting, they both wanted to slap him for pressing his lips onto mine, so I hope they all make it out alive somehow.

Pascal, Daniil and Joylon are paired together, as well as Sebastian, Romain and Esteban Ocon. Esteban Gutierrez, Felipe and Valteri are together in one group which leaves Max and Sergio to team up.

”Promise me to not kill him right away?”, I mumble and quickly hug Kimi, he seems absolutely not happy with the pairing and honestly, I can totally understand him - I wouldn't want to be in a group with the Canadian either. ”I can't promise you, but I'll try.”

\---

Sadly, we're not allowed to watch the others, so for more about four hours, Daniel, Stoffel and I do some Snapchat and Twitter Question and Answers. It's funny, we joke around and whenever I ignore a question about the guy I share DNA with, they don't comment it - and I'm thankful for that. We try out every single Snapchat filter, sing to sings with those who change the voice because we all can't sing and break out in laughers every then and now.

”And the last pair!” Quickly, I jump on Daniel's back and he chuckles. ”Have fun guys”, says Sebastian while he packs his stuff, “and I'll pick you up for dinner at 7, alright?“ Smiling, I nod at him and play with Daniel's hair while he and Stoffel walk to the set.

The Australian lets me down and chuckles. “It's going to be fun, I promise you.”

At first, we are explained what we have to do. It sounds easy - there are tasks we have to do and questions we have to answer truthful - but I'm still not sure if I want to do this or not.

We sit down on the couch, Daniel on my left and Stoffel on my right and one of the two guys hands me an envelope. Oh god, no. The apparently _'lucky one'_ who is handed the envelope should lead through the whole video. ”Hey Dan, want t-” ”No, Bella.”

I pout at him and the cameraman counts from three to one. ”Wow okay, sorry for asking, Sunnyboy.” Eyes rolling, I open the envelope, take the first paper and read through it. ”Teach your colleagues how to wish your fans a merry Christmas and a happy new year in your native language”, it says and I chuckle. ”Okay, Sunnyboy, teach us how to wish the fans a merry Christmas and a happy new year in your native language.”

He looks utterly confused and Stoffel laughs. ”I wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year?”, the Australian mumbles and I smirk. ”I wish y'all a merr- wait, can you repeat it? What do I have to say, Dan?”

Together, the Belgian and I continue mocking him and it's hilarious, even though he looks kind of done.

”It's my turn now. Dan, Italian, German, French or Spanish, how do you wish to torture your tongue?” Daniel rolls his eyes and ruffles through my hair. ”Sebastian and Max tried to teach me German before, so I should be able to make it work somehow.” Smirking, I nod and he groans. ”God, please let it be simple.”

 _„Ich wünsche euch und Ihnen fröhliche Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr“_ , I say, still smirking and he shakes his head. “Stoffel, why don't you go first?“ Obviously, Stoffel pronounces it with a small accent, but I blame it on the three official languages of Belgium; French, Dutch and German. “Damn, right, this is unfair.“

It takes us a while, but after what feels like hours, he can at least say _„Fröhliche Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch“_ \- with subtitles, it should be understandable. But we decide to not torture him with French or Dutch, so we let it be.

I grab the envelope and take out another paper. ”Describe your Christmas traditions at home”, is neatly written down and I sigh. ”Arguing is our only Christmas tradition to be honest, there's an argument literally every year. From the cheating boyfriend to impregnating a girl, we had _everything_. Poor guy managed to mix up the presents, my mom got the one for his other girlfriend. He bought them both rings with their names and they argued at least 20 hours before he left.”

That's all I say about Christmas and so I listen to their traditions and ask dumb questions for the fans - in Germany, we open the presents on Christmas Eve, on the 24th, so there might be confusions I want to prevent with asking those utterly dumb questions. Even though I thought I was okay with now every Christmas went, it somehow hurts knowing that others are really looking forward to meet the whole family and just enjoy a few days together.

”What do you usually do on Christmas?”, I read out loud the next question and chuckle. ”Helping out in the Pizzeria. We're usually short-handed during the holidays and so I made my own Christmas tradition which is actually just helping downstairs and trying to make sure everyone has a nice Christmas. Sometimes we even bake something for the little children and we have a corner where someone reads stories.”

Obviously, the others prefer doing nothing but enjoying their free time with family and friends and I chuckle sightly. ”If I have absolutely nothing to do, I really freak out.”

The next task is to sing a traditional Christmas song and while Daniel sings one on his own, Stoffel and I agree on a German song and sing it together. It still sounds horrible and I hope they don't show it on TV, but at least I don't have to sing it alone. The song's called _„In der Weihnachtsbäckerei”_ which means ”at the Christmas bakery” and I think it also gives the topic of the song.

Then, we have to translate the song because Daniel wants to know what he just heard and we fail badly - I'm not familiar with speaking about cooking in English, I usually speak Italian or German in the kitchen, so I have absolutely no clue how to translate that damn song.

The last task is awesome. We're all given parts of a gingerbread Formula One car and our task is it to put it together and decorate it. This is content I would love to see on TV.

Daniel puts it together quickly, but doesn't use enough sugar icing, so as soon as he puts on some more icing to decorate it, it tears down. Frustrated, he moans and I laugh at him. ”Told you we even sometimes bake something for the little children”, I comment while carefully holding my precious gingerbread Formula One car. ”This is unfair.”

Having an idea, I grab my phone and open the YouTube App. ”We actually have a song in Germany about guys who always complain”, I smirk and start LaFee's _„Heul doch”_ \- there's no real translation for it, but it's kind of ”complain and cry as much as you want, I don't care”.

”Okay, thanks guys!”


	25. thursday | malaysian grand prix

”Bella?” Tired, I groan and turn around, hiding myself completely under the thin blanket. ”C'mon, it's time to go jogging.” Usually, I love going jogging, it makes me forget everything. But right now, I don't want to see a single person.

Yesterday, at the Fan Forum, someone asked the question I was afraid of and instead of answering, I just started at this person. All my sassy answers were gone, I was panicking and I didn't know what to do or say. I just wasn't expecting it, it went well before. Joylon had to save me with pointing out that such a personal question like that wouldn't belong to a Fan Forum at a Formula One circuit. But it made it kind of obvious that the answer to the question was _”yes, he's my biological father”_.

And to make the day even worse, yesterday night I got a call from my lawyer. My mom's last boyfriend would come out of prison in a few months and I am absolutely not ready for him being out of the cell where he belongs.

I cried myself to sleep last night and my eyes still hurt like hell - they're probably red and swollen. ”Open the door or I have to ask the securities to open it for me.” His voice was filled with worry and groaning, I stand up. ”Okay, okay, you won.”

Wiping away a few dried tears, I make my way to the door and unlock it before turning around and going straight back to bed. Pascal opens the door and I sigh when my sore body makes contact with the thin blanket. ”What's wrong?” I hide my face in my pillow and groan when he opens the windows and lets the sun shining into my hotel room. ”Everything.”

Careful, he sits down on my bed and sighs. ”You have to tell me what everything is so I can help you.” The problem is, he can't help me. Both problems - the announcement of the guy I share DNA with and what it caused as well as my mom's last boyfriend leaving prison in a few months - are personal, I have to find a way to deal with them. That just sounds easier than it is.

”My mom always had boyfriends, the longest time without one was half a year because she was in hospital and couldn't meet new guys.” My voice is already shaking and I speak into my pillow, I don't dare to look at him. ”Most of them and I didn't get along well, I couldn't cope with the man at her side always changing. Her last boyfriend, on the other hand, was really nice, at least at first.”

I pause and wipe away a few tears. ”On Christmas Eve in 2008, Paolo found out she had cancer and so did I. But she didn't want to do chemotherapy again because she was pregnant with her boyfriend's baby, they wanted to marry.” It hurts like hell, talking about her. ”In January, she had to stay in hospital and it was the first time her boyfriend and I were in the flat without her. He made me strip and uh, well, you can probably imagine what followed. The doctors understood her desicion to risk her life for her son and made her stay at the hospital to check on the baby.”

Tears are streaming down my face and I sob. ”I tried to tell her, but she didn't believe me. I tried to tell the guy I share DNA with, but he didn't listen. I tried to tell my teachers, the doctors, the guys at the karting track. Nobody believed me. Three months later, in April, I had enough. I skipped school and took the train to Mick's place.”

Carefully, he pulls me into a close hug and lets me hide my face in his shirt. ”Michael opened the door and before entering, I took off my sunglasses and showed him my black eye. On that day, he went to the police with me and made me report every single thing her boyfriend did to me.”

Having him so close calms me down a bit and I wipe away some tears. ”My mom still didn't believe me. We went to court together, Michael, my mom and I. Her boyfriend proposed to her at court and she said yes. She told him she would wait for him. He was sentenced to ten years in prison and as soon as we left the building, my mom and I argued. My own mother still didn't believe me, so I told her I want to stay at Michael's place with people who actually believe me. Three days later, she died, I never really said goodbye to her.“

I take a few deep breaths and notice that my whole body trembles. “The lawyer Michael hired back then called me yesterday to tell me he would be out in a few months and I'm absolutely not ready for it.“

“He won't come near you, I promise you. Why don't you take a shower and get ready, the RTL crew should be here in less than two hours and you should probably have eaten something as well by then.“

So I take a long shower, wash my hair and shave. I can hear him talking to someone in my bedroom, but I don't really care about it. Stepping out of the shower, I dry myself off and put on some fresh underwear. He gave me his Sauber sweater - my sweater is in the laundry and I complained about it yesterday - and so I put it on, together with plain blue jeans. Its slightly oversized and I love it. Then, I roughly brush my hair and leave the bathroom. “You look better“, is all he says and I chuckle slightly. “Thanks?“

Before they come, we go downstairs and have a quick breakfast with the crew and it's nice to be distracted from everything even though I can't forget it completely. Some of them notice I am more silent than usual and give me weird looks, but they don't question it further. Or maybe they just notice my red eyes and give me the weird looks because of that, but it doesn't really matter, does it?

Just when we leave the dinning hall to go upstairs, the RTL crew lead by Kai Ebel arrives and I put on my nicest smile. After greeting everyone, we quickly discuss the schedule. “The press conference is in one and a half hour, so we should probably drive to the circuit in ten. Then, we're going on the track, that might take an hour or two, depends on the track. After that, I would like to discuss a thing or two with my mechanics, you know, it's a completely new car. And then we have some interviews, if I'm not completely mistaken, one is kind of a team battle against Joylon and Nico, that's going to be fun.”

Not even ten minutes later, Pascal and I sit in the very back of a Van, my head leaned on his shoulder and he plays with my hair. ”Are you two always that close?” Knowing that he rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses, I chuckle and don't think about moving away from him. I like having him close to me, so why should I stop only to prevent a few more articles about us being apparently a couple? ”Not always, on the track for example ... ”, I trail of and Kai laughs. ”You really know how to misunderstand something.”

”I have absolutely no clue what you're talking about.” Innocently, I smile and my teammate chuckles. ”What do you expect from today?” Is there even something positive to expect on a Thursday? ”A lot of stupid questions and weird looks.”

\---

This time, the press conference is slightly different. The first difference is that someone honestly dared to make Lance and I sit next to each other. The other difference are the looks I earn from the journalists.

”Your biological father doesn't change whatever we have”, mumbles the Canadian the second we go in and I'm close to choke on my salvia. ”Our rivalry? Right, because he is going to stay out of my damn business.” Quickly, I sit down and smile politely. _”Seb, come here”_ , I whisper in German and I sigh in relief when he does so. ”Thanks.”

Now he sits on my left and Lance on my right, I can't say I feel really comfortable, but more comfortable than before.

”To all of you: what do you expect from this weekend?” ”Let's start with Carlos.” To be honest, I don't understand why they are always ask questions like this, it's not like there's much to expect, specially on Thursday. ”Well, I expect an interesting weekend.”

”Is everything alright?”, Sebastian asks quietly and I shrug. ”This is absolutely not the place to talk about it.” Worried, he nods and I know I will have to explain it to him later. ”Anything to add, Bella?” I look at the journalist and quietly scoff under my breath. ”It's Isabella, you don't call Sebastian _Seb_ or Fernando _Nando_ and no, I think they said everything.”

Max pats my back and cheers quietly - I believe I hear him saying _”you go, girl”_ , but that might be my imagination. ”To Lance, Max and Isabella: you are all under twenty, how is it for you to drive against so experienced drivers like Sebastian, Kimi or Fernando?” ”Let's start with Lance.”

The Canadian doesn't seem to know what to answer and so I decide to answer for him. ”Everyone likes to remind us that we're fighting for positions against drivers who already won the championship, but it's not like I sit in my car and think _"oh it's Seb, I'm going to let him overtake me and I am not going to fight for the position"_ or _”oh, Nando is behind me, he's a Formula One champion so I'm just letting him overtake me”_. On the track, it doesn't matter who you are and what you already archived.”

”Yeah, I totally agree with Bella. On the track, it's all about finishing the race on the best possible position, not about how many champions you managed to keep behind you”, Max adds and we high five each other.

”To the others: how is it for you to fight against so young drivers on the track?” ”Let's start with Sebastian.” Chuckling, I turn my head to my fellow German, but Lance distracts me from his answer. ”Thanks for saving my arse, I really didn't know what to say”, he mumbles and I look at him. ”No problem, I owed you a saving.” Somehow, he looks hurt, but I absolutely no clue why. ”Oh yeah, right.”

”Last question to everyone expect Sebastian: who should win the driver's championship this year? Sebastian or Lewis?” Before the question is finished, I chuckle and look at him. ”Let's start with Isabella.” Smiling, I nod and Sebastian laughs quietly.

”I'm absolutely Team Seb. Yes, Lewis and Mercedes did a good job and it makes this season way more interesting, intensive and dramatic, but as a half Italian, half German, I'm really rooting for Sebastian to win the championship.” He hugs me from the side and smiles. ”Thanks, Bella”, he mumbles and I can only imagine how hard this final part of the season must be.

”To be honest, I don't really care who wins it because it's surly not me, but the Ferrari parties are the best parties, so I'm kind of Team Sebastian”, Max says and I chuckle. Again, I high five him and I'm surprised to hear that Lance thinks Sebastian should win the championship as well.

\---

After the press conference, I straight go to my crew and we go on the track together. The interviews are all cancelled, so I've got as much time as I need. In a safe distance, I see the camera team, but I really don't care about them.

I don't know how long we are on the track, but it feels good. I feel ready for the two practice sessions tomorrow by the time I'm back in my hotel room.


	26. friday | malaysian grand prix

My Friday begins at 5 am. Seems like waking up way too early is now a thing for me. Tired, I stand up and decide to go down to the gym, maybe that would wake me up completely. So I change into sporty clothes and make my way downstairs. At 5 am, I would normally expect to be the only weird person who's awake right now, but when the door closes behind me, I'm surprised to see Daniil working out.

”Hey”, I say while walking over to one of those neck torturing machines and he winces. ”Didn't notice you coming in", he retorts and plugs out his headphones. ”Thought so.”

For a while, we work out in a comfortable silence and none of us really dares to break it. But after I'm done with my neck training, I lay down on the ground and watch him. ”Why are you awake?” Let's be honest, it's absolutely not normal and unlike me, he should be used to the different time zones and sleeping rhythms by now.

”My girlfriend and I had an argument and I couldn't really sleep after it.” Right, his girlfriend, I have seen her a few times around the paddock. ”That sucks, I'm sorry.” He stops his work out and gives me a weak smile. ”You don't have to be sorry, we argued a lot in the past few months.” Breathing heavily, he lays down next to me and I shrug. ”But I still am sorry, arguing is shit.”

Quietly, he chuckles and looks at me. ”Why are you awake at this inhumanly time?” A yawn passes my lips and I sigh. ”Those different sleeping rhythms and time zones are still messing with me. Went to bed quite late to sleep longer, but nope, let's wake up at 5 am.” With Paolo, Matteo and Co so far away, I really missed talking Italian. ”Oh yeah, that's always difficult at the beginning. I used to work out before going to bed, it really helped.”

To be honest, I didn't even think of working out before going to bed, but it might be worth a try. ”Thanks, I'm going to try that out. But doing sport before sleeping, how inhumanly is that?” We both laugh and he stands up again. ”You actually get used to it quite quick.” He helps me getting up and I chuckle. ”All I do before bed is Netflix and Ben and Jerry's even though it doesn't really fit into my diet.”

\---

For two more hours, we worked out together, motivated each other and talked about lots of stuff and it was really nice and then we both have enough for today.

After a quick, refreshing shower, I change into one of the two Sauber Tanktops Monsiha had given me when we arrived at the hotel, the Sauber hoodie jacket and some light blue jeans as well as my shoes. On my way to the door, I grab my sunglasses and my phone and put both in my pocket.

Thanks to the long ride to the circuit, I have only time for grabbing two apples and a banana on my way to the car in which Pascal's already waiting for me. ”Where were you?”, he asks and looks at me slightly worried. “Working out with Daniil, couldn't sleep.“

“Interesting way of dealing with your problem.“ Smirking, I put on my sunglasses and ruffle through his hair. “Well, I skipped work out yesterday“, I point out and he nods, “plus, you may stop worrying about me, I'm fine, I swear. All I can think about is finally sitting in my car again, nothing else matters to me right now.“

\---

Ten minutes until the first practice session officially starts and I can't wait any longer. The team's goal is it to have both of us as long as possible on the track without risking something. Already in my racing gear, I chill in the garage and go through every single detail of the track one last time. I have this weird feeling I really want to get rid of but I can't really describe it, it just makes me a bit uncomfortable and I hate it.

“Don't worry, you'll be fine“, assures me one of the strategy guys and I just nod, he's probably right. But the strange feeling doesn't disappear and when he's gone, I sigh.

”Is everything alright?” Monisha looks at me and I smile. ”Yeah, I ... it's dumb, I know, but I have a weird feeling and I don't know, it kind of confuses me. But it's nothing.” Motherly, she hugs me and smiles a me. ”Everyone has a weird feeling sometimes, you just have to figure out if it means something or not. If you want to talk about something, you have my number and know where to find me. And now get in your car and get to know the track, Bella.“

Oh right, it's time to get into my car. “Thanks“, is all I say before walking over to the table with the rest of my racing gear. Quickly, I put on my gloves and high five my crew before climbing into my car. As usual, someone fastens my seatbelt while someone else helps me with the fireproof mask and the helmet. Then, the steeling wheel is placed in its rightful position and I take a deep breath.

“Let's do this“, I mumble to myself and this time, I'm the one who leaves the Sauber garage at first, drive out of the pit lane and speed up.

\---

The weird feeling wasn't gone after the first practice session, but I don't really care anymore. It still worries me slightly, but the car felt great and I asked the mechanics about ten times and they all assured me the car is absolutely fine - so there's absolutely nothing to worry about and that's exactly what I am going to do.

Together with Sebastian, I sit on the roof of the Ferrari paddock because he needs my help with romantic stuff. Even though I tried to convince him that I'm absolutely not the right one for helping him with things that have to do with love, he still thinks I could really help him. The fact he knows Kimi way better than I do doesn't stop him either. “Okay, so would you mind telling me why I'm here?“

With a hopefully cool move, I put on my sunglasses and look at him. “Promise me to not tell it anyone.“ It's somehow cute how nervous he seems to be, that must be what they call love. “Sure, I promise you to keep whatever we are going to talk about a secret between me and you.“

“Okay, so ... I want to propose to him.“ In surprise, I stare at him and he chuckles quietly. “Before you ask, yes, I'm serious about this, I really want to have him on my side for the rest of my life.“ Slightly, he blushes and I hug him quickly. “Oh my god, that's so cute! I'm sure he's going to say yes.“

\---

Twenty minutes before the second practice session, he finally lets me go - we literally planned everything and I'm surprised about how easy it was for me to help him planning his proposal.

With a huge plastered my face, I leave the Ferrari paddock and make my way back to my garage. “Hey Bella.“ Max waves and I chuckle. “Hey, what's up?“ Hopefully with another cool move, I take off my sunglasses and look at him. “Why are you smiling so creepy?“ I roll my eyes and shrug. “It's absolutely none of your business and I am not allowed to share the reason of my apparently creepy smile with you, you're not authorized for the reason.“

Pouting, he looks at me and I smirk. “That won't work, sorry Max.“ Quietly, he scoffs under his breath and I slap his arm. “You better get changed for the second practice sessions, my dear“, I point out and kiss his cheek. Ignoring the weird looks we get, I turn around and go to the garage - is it really so wrong to kiss a good friend on the cheek?

\---

The second practice session went well. There were no major issues to report and it felt really good. They still didn't allow me to push as hard as I could, but it's okay. I got to know the track and that's all what matters.

From the garage I go straight to my changing room to finally get out of the overall and the fireproof underwear. It's sticky and slightly uncomfortable and I sigh in relief when I'm finally out of the fireproof bra. Instead of going braless, I put on a bralet, the Sauber tank top and hoodie jacket and my light blue jeans.

“Bella!“ Groaning, I turn around, only to see Daniil, Daniel and Max waiting for me. “What do you want?“ It's not like I don't want to talk to them, but I really want to talk to my crew and to go through the whole track with my data. “Why did you smile so bride before the second practice?“ They both hide their hands behind them and I look at them quite sceptical. “Guys, seriously? It's none of your business, that's all I can say about it.“

Mentally, I pray to God or whoever might be watching us to let them accept that I won't tell them about Sebastian wanting to propose to Kimi, but the smirk on their faces tells me my prayers weren't strong enough. I look around, but it seems like everyone else has something better to do than to hang around in front of the paddocks after the practice sessions.

“Are you sure you don't want to tell us your little secret?“, asks Daniel and I roll my eyes. “Yes, I'm to one hundred percent sure I don't want to tell you my secret, because - just to make sure you all heard it - it's absolutely none of your God damn business.“

Their smirks are becoming weirder and stranger every second - at least it feels like it - and I sigh. “This is so childi-“ Before I can finish the sentence, they all empty buckets filled with ice cold water over my head. “Are you serious?“, I scream in shock and they laugh. “Sorry, Bella, but we really had to do that.“

Scoffing, I take off my hoodie jacket as well as my tank top, both pieces of clothing are absolutely wet. With open mouths, they stare at me and I roll my eyes. “Instead of staring, I would really appreciate it if you gave me something dry to put on.“ But they don't even think about moving, so I go into the Sauber Paddock, grab a jacket which is laying around and put it on. With a towel I forgot to bring away earlier, I briefly dry my hair.

Then, I go out again, take my wet tank top and slap them with it. “Take that wet thing away from me!“, Daniil yells and so I chase him. Again, we earn weird looks and it must look weird, me chasing the Russian with something wet.

“Can we please stop?“ Breathing heavily, he runs slower and I chuckle. “Only if you let me slap you at least two times.“

Obviously, he refuses, but I notice that he becomes slower and slower with every second we run and by now, some paparazzi follow us. “Give up!“, I shout and high five Sebastian and Kimi who are giving an interview together. “Go Bella!“, yells the Finn and cheers for me - now it's officially proven that the Iceman has feelings.

“Okay, okay, I give up.“ Breathless, he leans on a wall and I smirk. “That's a clever desicion, my dear Daniil.“ As hard as I can, I slap him three times and his expression is hilarious. “Give it to me, I don't trust you.“ Scoffing, I hand him the wet tank top and he smirks. “Nice bra, by the way.“

I roll my eyes and slap his arm. “It's a bralet and thank you very much.“


	27. saturday | malaysian grand prix

The photos of me, completely wet and only in my bralet and jeans is literally everywhere when I check my social media accounts the next day. It doesn't matter if I scroll down my Twitter timeline, my Tumblr dashboard, the discovery fees of my Instagram account, my Facebook timeline or my news feed generated by Google - they are everywhere. The amount of blocked and reported accounts because of sexual comments increased way too much in the last twelve hours and an end isn't in sigh yet.

 ** _From:_ MaxBull**  
I'm sorry

Groaning, I unlock my phone and sigh at his message - he should be happy that I didn't go braless after the two practice sessions.

 ** _To_ : MaxBull**  
It's alright

I put my phone away and stand up, for the last two hours, I just layed in my bed and stared at the ceiling. It's now 8 am and I really should stand up, but to be honest, I really don't want to.

“Bella?“ Frustrated, I groan again and hide myself completely under the blankets. “Yes? Don't open the door unless you have food.“ The door is opened and I quietly scoff. “Why aren't you up yet? And no, I don't have food for you.“ Because I spent most of my night with thinking about the photos and how to deal with them, but he doesn't really have to know that.

“My bed's so warm and comfortable, Pascal“, I state the obvious and he chuckles softly, opens the windows and lets the sun shine into my room. “Come on, you need to get up.“ Before I can react, he pulls my covers away and I sigh. “Thanks, I hate you too.“ Careless, he throws my Sauber Sweater, a random pair of jeans and underwear in my face and grins. “We have to leave in ten, so I'm going to get you something to eat in the car.“

Smiling, he leaves the room and I change into the clothes he has picked out for me and roll my eyes at the bra, it's one of the two push up bras Matteo had brought me as a joke - I don't really know why I kept them anyways. “Jerk“, I mumble under my breath and put it on netherless, but only because I'm too lazy to get up and look for another one.

“Ready?“ Eyes rolling, I stand up, take my phone off the charger and open the door. “Absolutely.“ He smiles and puts an arm around me. “Did you sleep well?“ Instead of telling him that I didn't because I had to think about the photos, I just nod and smile at him.

\---

Twenty minutes before the third and last practice session starts and all I was asked about were those photos. The questions were mainly like how I dared to wear a sexy bralet after practice or why I thought such a sexy bralet was appropriate after practice. For God's sake, it was just a bralet, it's way more comfortable than a bra and not that risky like going out braless.

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
We need to talk.

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
Your changing room.

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
Now.

Quietly, I scoff under my breath, excuse myself and make my way back to my damn changing room. Without even thinking about knocking on - it's my room, for God's sake - I go in and cross my arms in front of my torso. “If you want to lecture me about me wearing a bralet, just don't. I already had enough lectures, thank you very much.”

Sighing, he stands up from the chair in the corner of my room and takes of his sunglasses. ”Actually, I'm not here to lecture you, but my lawyer is making sure the photos are deleted from the internet.” Surprised, I look at him and he smiles weakly. ”Why would you do that?”, I blurt out and mentally curse myself for this.

”Maybe I don't want to see my daughter only in a bra thingy on the internet? Not with your past.” For a second, I'm speechless. Who is this guy and what did he do to the guy I share DNA with? ”Whoever you are and whatever you did to my biological father - thanks.”

Damn, I should be angry at him, I should yell at him for making things complicated between Lewis and me, but instead, I thank him. How messed up is this? ”Why did you lie to Lewis? I mean, you're not the only one who told me to stay away from him, but you didn't even try to talk to me.” He gulps and I scoff. ”You should have known better, Isabella.”

To be honest, I don't care about his past with Lewis, because he isn't me. ”Wow, yeah, you're right. Just because you kind of hate him, I have to hate him too.” Angrily, I storm out of my changing room and walk quickly back to the garage.

”Just in time, Bella.” Monisha sighs in relief and I chuckle slightly. ”Yeah, I'm sorry but uh ... _girls problems_ , you know.”

\---

Apparently, third time is a charm - but not for me, at least not today. Somehow I managed to get off the track five times, but both my car and I are fine. Yes, I know it's untypical for me to be not completely focused on driving, but I never had an argument with the guy I share DNA with right before a practice session, a Qualifying or a race until now.

”Are you alright?” The whole crew watches me slightly worried and I put on my best smile. ”Yes, there was just a guy insulting me on my way back and I don't know why but I couldn't get it out of my mind.” It's a shitty and slightly unprofessional excuse, but I really don't want her or someone of the crew to get involved in the argument between him and me.

Knowing I have to perform well during Qualifying, I spend the whole break between the third and shitty practice session and the Qualifying with my crew, we go through every single detail of my first two practice sessions - they decide to not torture me with my mistakes I did not even ten minutes ago and I'm thankful for that.

\---

**Qualifying results:**

1\. Vettel (1:30:010)  
2\. Hamilton (1:30:310)  
3\. Raikkonen (1:30:400)  
4\. Ricciardo (1:30:684)  
5\. Bottas (1:30:749)  
6\. Massa (1:31:379)  
7\. Verstappen (1:31:390)  
8\. Hülkenberg (1:31:585)  
9\. Palmer (1:31:648)  
10\. Wehrlein (1:32:296)  
11\. Kyvat (1:32:578)  
12\. Rossi (1:32:795)  
13\. Stroll (1:33:047)  
14\. Sainz Junior (1:33:279)  
15\. Ocon (1:33:385)  
16\. Gutierrez (1:33:597)  
17\. Vandoorne (1:33:899)  
18\. Alonso (1:34:564)  
19\. Perez (1:34:832)  
20\. Grosjean (no timed lap)

\---

Romain had issues with his brakes and crashed during his first timed lap, that's what we are told after the Qualifying and I feel bad for him, this must be so freaking frustrating.

The only positive thing about the Qualifying results is that Lance is behind me - _again_. But even Daniil in his Toro Rosso was faster than me and I really don't know what to do now. Of course I congratulate Kimi on P3, Sebastian on his Pole-Position, Daniel on P4, Felipe on P6, Max on P7, Nico on P8, Joylon on P9, Pascal on P10 and Daniil on P11 - that's what a fair sportswoman has to do and I'm really happy for them, they all did an amazing job. The problem is that _I_ didn't.

And to make my failure only worse, the weird feeling is back - stronger and weirder than before.

 ** _To_ : guy I share DNA with**  
Your presence gives me a weird feeling, why don't you leave today?

My fellow Germans, Kimi and Fernando are giving me worried glares, but I don't want them to be involved in this biological father and biological daughter thingy, so I just smile at them and act like nothing happened. Like I didn't fail the Qualifying.

It's better this way, I don't want to make it akward like it is with Lance - at least Kimi and Fernando still would like to punch him hard just because he pressed his lips for a second onto mine. Personally, I pretend it never happened and even if I didn't, it wouldn't change a thing in the relationship of him and me.

 ** _From_ : guy I share DNA with**  
Don't be childish, Isabella

A bitter chuckle passes my lips and I roll my eyes. Right, I'm _absolutely_ the childish and egoistic one here. Because I'm the one who didn't care about the others wish to keep this a secret.  
Because I'm the one who lies to a former colleague just because apparently, he isn't good for the other person.  
Because I'm the one who doesn't really care about the fact I left the other person in a quite uncomfortable situation just because I'm the most egocentric, egoistic and selfish person of this world.

 ** _To_ : guy I share DNA with**  
Says the right person

I roll my eyes, turn my phone off and watch the others from the seating corner. “Can I come in?“ Sebastian stands in the door and I shrug. “If you want to, sure.“ Quickly, he comes in, closes the door behind him and goes to the small fridge next to the couch I sit on. Without even asking, he opens it, hands me a Fritz Cola and grabs a water bottle for himself. Then, he sits down next to me and looks at me.

“First of all, I know something is wrong, but if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. And I thought about doing it tomorrow after the race, what do you about that?“ Surprised, I look at him and squeak in excitement. “Oh my god, that's so cute. Specially if you win tomorrow, because then you already won the championship!“ Blushing, he chuckles and ruffles through my hair.

“Not so loud, Bella.“ I roll my eyes and pout. “But this is so exciting, Seb.“ He hugs me and I smile. “Anyways, I would like to have you there when I propose to him. And of course I am going to ask Kimi about that, but I would like you to be our maid of honour and I don't think he has something against that.“ 

“Oh, I would love to be there when you propose to him, and I would absolutely love to be your maid of honour, but we have to talk about the dress then.“ Chuckling, we clink glasses - or more likely bottles - and the rest of the evening, we spend in his hotel room and begin the planning of their wedding even though Kimi didn't say _'yes'_ yet.


	28. sunday | malaysian grand prix

I fell asleep in his hotel room because I was too lazy to go back to my hotel and up to my room. So he gave me a Ferrari sweater and joggers to sleep in and he even let me sleep on his couch - of course not without a long discuss, but in the end he agreed, mostly because he was too tired to continue the discussion.

”Bella.” Something soft - probably a pillow - lands on me and I groan. ”Yes, Seb?” Slowly, I sit up and look at him. ”Kimi comes over in ten, I thought you might want to change before.” Sleepily, I nod, stand up, grab the pile of clothes laying on the floor and while he leaves the room, I quickly change.

”I should probably go over to my hotel for breakfast and give the two of you a bit time for yourselves before you ask him _the question_ later.” He rolls his eyes playfully and I chuckle. ”See ya later, alligator.“ Before I can reach the door, he quickly hugs me and smiles. “Don't worry so much, you'll be fine. And remember, I'm always just a phone call away.“

When I leave his room, Kimi just leaves his and I chuckle. “How was your Movie night?“, he asks and it takes me a second to understand that's what he was told why I was sleeping in his boyfriend's room. “Great, actually. It was really fun and it absolutely helped me forgetting the third practice session and the Qualifying.“

“Well, I'm glad he could help you.“ He ruffles through my hair, I roll my eyes and we say our goodbyes before he goes to Sebastian's hotel room door and I enter the lift.  
When the doors open downstairs, I sigh frustrated. In front of the hotel, there are a lot of fans waiting, there's no way I can leave the building without getting caught. _„Scheiße“,_ I mutter under my breath - I can't wait to he called a slut or a whore because I was at Ferrari's hotel.

“Isabella!“, Maurizio yells and I wince in shock. “Yeah?“ Confused, I watch him taking my hand and shaking it. “Thank you so much for the quick update.“ While I stare at him, utterly confused, he orders one of the securities to come over. “Make sure she arrives at her hotel safely, I asked her to come over for a quick update on her development but totally forgot the fans.“

\---

Being still tired, I didn't realise he covered my stay at their hotel - I realised it while chatting with some mechanics during breakfast.

Everyone is kind of exited because of today's race, Ferrari could win both - driver's and team championship - today, which means a lot to the whole Sauber Crew since we drive with their engines, even though they're from last year's season. Specially the Ferrari guys who were send by Ferrari in order to take care of the engines are smiling and laughing more than usual.

But I'm more excited for their celebrations - everyone says parties organised by Ferrari are the best parties of the whole paddock - and of course, Sebastian's proposal.

”What are you thinking about?”, asks Pascal and I chuckle. ”Well, I can't tell you because it's a secret, but when I have the permission, I promise you that you're going to be the first one to hear it from me.” When he pouts, I roll my eyes and slap his arm. ”Dude, I can't tell you that now.”

\---

Until minutes before the driver's parade, I go through my data from Friday with the strategy guys and I finally feel ready for the race. ”Bella?” Kimi knocks on the wall and I chuckle slightly. ”Yes? You don't have to knock, it's not like we're discussing the really important things _here_ in the garage.” My mechanics leave us two alone and he smiles. ”Sebastian send me to make sure you don't forget the driver's parade.”

Oh right, the driver's parade. ”He said he had the same problem at the beginning, being so focused on the race that he forgot every other appointment.” Placing my water bottle on a table, I sigh and nod. ”Thanks for saving me.” Smiling, he puts an arm around me and we quickly go to the driver's parade.

Just as we both are on the track, it starts driving and I give him a thankful smile. ”Told you she would forget it.” Sebastian chuckles and I sigh - _again_. ”You're worrying way too much, Bella, honestly. Why don't you join us for some badminton after this is over?” I want to protest, but Kimi agrees before I can and so it's decided. ”Guys, I really wish I could hate you somehow.”

\---

It was better than I expected, it was actually quite fun - but I would _never_ admit that. Sebastian and I annoyed the Finn with talking German most of the time and played kind of dirty against him. Obviously, he acted quite pissed, but I think he just did that because it made us laugh. And I was able to forget the whole drama with the guy I share DNA with and Lewis and with my mom's last boyfriend.

Thirty minutes until the race starts and I can't wait any longer. There's this press conference during the race and nobody really knows why and what it is about - there are a lot of rumours about what's going on. And I just decide to ignore it instead of worrying about the possibility I don't even want to think about.

”Is everything alright?” Wincing, I turn around and slap Max' arm. ”Stop giving me heart attacks.” He chuckles and I scoff. ”Is everything alright?”, he repeats and I sigh. ”There's just a lot on my mind lately, that's all.” Worried, he looks at me and I sigh - again. ”Let me guess, it's your biological father.”

”Of course it's him.” Frustrated, I sigh for the third time in a few minutes and he hugs me. ”Don't worry about him, he's absolutely not worth it.” Well, that doesn't change the fact that I still worry about things he might do. ”You know that sounds easier than it is, so stop telling me that stupid advice.”

Quietly, he chuckles and nods. ”Well, I can't really help you with your situation because I always had my dad, you know? Yes, I know he did mistakes and he's far away from being a perfect father, but he was always here for me. But with you and your biological father, it's completely different. He was never there for you when you would have needed him.”

Yeah, thanks for reminding me of that. ”Listen, I know you just want to help, but I just need a bit time for myself.” Slowly, he lets me go, whispers a quiet _”okay”_ and leaves. Frustrated, I watch him going away and take a few breaths. While he was talking, I noticed the weird feeling again and I don't really know what to think of that - I am just going to ignore it and figure out how to deal with it after the race.

\---

It's time for the national hymn. With my racing overall tied around my waist, I go to the carpet in front of the cars and look for my number - _71_. My mom and Paolo were both born in 1971, so I just decided to chose that number. Daniel stands on my right and Kimi on my left and I sigh in relief. ”You and Sebastian are the only people who are relieved to see me”, the later comments and chuckles. ”You forgot your family”, I add because obviously, we're in public. ”No, I didn't forget my family, I meant people who work here.”

The hymn starts and I just roll my eyes, he just saved his arse.

After the hymn, he hugs me and wishes me good luck, which I return. Then I wish Daniel, Pascal, Joylon, Felipe, Nico, Max, Daniil, Sebastian, Carlos, Fernando and Stoffel good luck as well, high five the mechanics and hug Monsiha quickly. “Don't push too hard, the engine has to last this race.“ Eyes rolling, I agree and I put on my gloves, followed by the procedure of getting into my car and everything.

The instillation lap is absolutely normal, the car feels good and I'm absolutely ready for this race. Everything is completely forgotten and I'm in my tunnel. ”Let's do this”, I mumble more to myself and swallow.

A sigh passes my lips as I wait for everyone to park their cars and I wait for the lamps to turn red and then green. When they finally turn red, I take a deep breath and feel the adrenaline rushing through my body.

My start is okay. It's not that good, I can't overtake anyone, but also not that bad because no one overtook me. Of course, I'm not really happy with it, but it's way better than losing a position to Lance 'spoiled, bratty asshole' Stroll.

Then, after ten or eleven laps, everything happens fast. If I am not completely mistaken, Max and Valteri are the ones who crash and get off the road and the Safety Car comes out. Like most of the field, I do a pit stop and sigh in relief when I come out in front of Lance.

\---

After ten freaking laps which actually felt like ages behind the damn Safety car, it leaves during the next lap. Sebastian leads behind it, so he can control the speed however he wants to and I really hope he wins this race. Not because I don't want Lewis to win this race, I couldn't care less about him, but because I think Sebastian really deserves his fifth championship.

 _”Welcome to today's extra press conference.” The group of men sits down and the blonde man takes a deep breath, he can't go back now. ”First of all, I would like to thank you for coming.” His hands are shaking, he knows what he has to tell is going to change the way people look at him and his life._  

This is completely new to me. I never had a restart of a race after the Safety Car leaves before - if the Safety Car came out, it was mainly because of a crash of Lance and me, so I had the pleasure to explain myself to a team that didn't care about what I did. Or the race was discontinued because too many cars were out and it just didn't make sense to continue it.

_”Why are we here?”, asks a young journalist and he smiles weakly at her enthusiasm, soon she would notice how shitty a dream job can be. ”There are a lot of rumours going around and after I talked to them”, he points at the men on his left and right side, ”it was clear I need to clear them up. Not for my sake, but for someone else's sake.”_

The Safety Car drives into the pit lane and I take a few deep breaths, I practiced it in the simulator but this is absolutely not the same. The field speeds up and I feel more adrenaline rushing through my body.

_”Are you taking about the rumours that Isabella Rossi is your daughter?” He can't do that. Not now. Not without her knowledge. But it's too late, he has to. He told his wife he would do it today and that she should move out until he's back. ”Yes.” She made him ignore he to prove her that he loved him. ”And? Are they true?”_

Then, the race is decontrolled and in the next second, Lance is already next to me. ”Damn”, I mutter under my breath. I push as hard as I can, but he's faster. It seems so easy, overtaking me. ”Guys, I'm losing power.”

_”To answer that question, I have to explain you a story. Isabella's mother and I were best friends during school, she was my only friend actually. While her parents lived in Italy, she lived with her oldest step brother and her twin brother, Paolo, because the education in Italy isn't as good as the education in Monaco.” His voice is shaking, he misses his best friend. His best friend who didn't have a crush on him and became his girlfriend and later his wife and the mother of his daughter._

They assure me everything is alright, but it doesn't feel like it. Suddenly, everything's going way too fast. I'm close behind Lance while he tries to overtake Pascal and Nico at the same time which doesn't work out the way it should. All three of them crash together and before I can react, I crash into a car.

_”Don't ask me how we ended in bed after one of the few parties, but we did. A few months later, she moved away and completely ignored me for around eleven years. Then, she called me, telling me she had cancer and I had a ten years old daughter to take care of.”_

”Guys, I-I need a-a do-”, I start to yell in pain before something explodes and everything goes black.

_”So yes, Isabella Rossi is my daughter and I'm proud of her.” It's out. Now it's done. ”You want to say that she's the third generation of Rosbergs in the Formula One?” It's silent. It's absolutely silent and he hates it. ”Yes, that's exactly what my son Nico wants to say”, answers his father for him and gives him a reassuring smile._


	29. • epilogue • sunday | abu dhabi grand prix

> _Just stop your crying_  
>  _It's a sign of the times_

Even though they just did a few races together, Pascal misses her. It's the last race of the season and the atmosphere is weird, it had always been weird since her accident. She always changed that, she did a dumb comment or maybe two and everybody chuckled or laughed at her.

He doesn't cry, there are just a few tears streaming down his face at the thought of her. For crying, you need a reason, don't you? And he doesn't have a reason, she's stable after a few reanimations, she's going to be back soon enough.

Antoni is replacing her and Marcus for the rest of the season and Pascal doesn't has something against him, he's a nice guy, but he's not Isabella. “Are you coming?“, yells a press agent and he sighs, driver's parades are so boring without her. “Yes, I'm coming!“

> _Welcome to the final show_  
>  _Hope you're wearing your best clothes_

Stoffel is the first one to arrive at the driver's parade and ignores the interviewers on the way to his car, he doesn't want to talk to them right now. Because he already knows the topic they want to talk about with him - it's Isabella and how brave he apparently was. Hell, all he did was saving an unconscious friend from the burning car, he wasn't brave, he just didn't want to lose her - he already lost one.

Most of the drivers try to keep distance to Lance - officially, it was an accident and the fault of everyone who was involved, but they mainly blamed Lance for it. “Don't think about the crash, remember last race? That can't happen again.“

Bitterly, Stoffel nods and Fernando smiles weakly at him, he's right. He can't drive straight into Lance's car like he did last time, not because the Canadian wouldn't deserve it but because he doesn't want to get a penalty and his team worked so hard to give him a new car for this weekend.

> _You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky_  
>  _You look pretty good down here_  
>  _But you ain't really good_

Joylon watches his fellow Britain in a safe distance. It's no secret that Isabella and Lewis had an argument and he can't stop wondering if she was maybe a tiny bit unfocused because of him and her biological father.

The three-time worldchampion and Lance are standing next to each other, they're not talking, they just wave at the fans and smile and wait for the sign to get on their cars for the driver's parade. How can they live with knowing that her accident was - _maybe_ in Lewis' case - their fault? It was Lance who wanted to overtake more than one car at the same time, all Isabella did was staying close behind him.

Life is not fair and racing absolutely isn't as well, Joylon knows that. He loves racing, he lives for it, but sometimes he wonders how his life would be without it. Without the whole traveling, without the diet and the workout. Without the fans and his crew, without his fellow drivers. And then he realises he would be lost without racing, but what if Isabella's injuries are so bad that she can't come back?

> _We never learn, we been here before_  
>  _Why are we always stuck and running from_  
>  _The bullets, the bullets?_  
>  _We never learn, we been here before_  
>  _Why are we always stuck and running from_  
>  _The bullets, the bullets?_

The five-time Formula One worldchampion stands with Nico and Pascal and has to watch Kimi being interviewed. They have a break right now and it hurts like hell.

It all started with him being so excited for the proposal so he told Kimi there would be a surprise after the race. But then the crash happened and Sebastian didn't want to propose to his boyfriend without her. What would happen if he was too nervous to speak? Isabella was the one who could help him and she was - and sadly still is - in hospital.

So they just ended up in bed, celebrating Sebastian's fifth Formula One championship in the most intimate way. On the next morning, Kimi began to ask him about the real surprise and the German doesn't know how, but somehow they ended up arguing. Now they are more or less ignoring each other or they have to act like they are just good friends, which makes it even worse.

> _Just stop your crying_  
>  _It's a sign of the times_  
>  _We gotta get away from here_  
>  _We gotta get away from here_  
>  _Just stop your crying_  
>  _It'll be alright_

“When did you cry for the last time?“, asks a interviewer and Nico looks at him confused, he sits in his car and waits for the driver's parade to start for God's sake, why does the guy ask something like that? “Don't really remember.“

Truth is, he totally remembers it, but he doesn't want to talk about it. The last time he cried was when he and Pascal waited for someone to pick them up from the hospital and they rushed Isabella in. They didn't really see her, nurses and doctors were crowded around her, but what he heard about her conditions really made him cry.

He would _never_ admit it, obviously. The emotionless way they talked about her being reanimated four times in an hour and them not knowing if she would make it, that made him cry - he was afraid of losing a good friend again. 

When the driver's parade starts, he takes a deep breath and takes off his sunglasses, only to give the interviewer a threatening look, he absolutely isn't thankful for the reminder.

> _They told me that the end is near_  
>  _We gotta get away from here_

Daniel really enjoys the driver's parade, the fans here in Abu Dhabi are really amazing. The atmosphere is mind blowing and he really doesn't want to get used to this feeling because everytime it is so special to be here.

Maybe it would become even more special one day if he really fought for the championship, but he still has time for that. He looks at the flags and posters and reads through them - only to be reminded of the bad side of racing.

 _“Get well soon, Isabella!“_ , reads one of the posters and he sighs. He misses the sight of her and Sebastian sitting on the roof and he misses the sound of her laugh. She always helped him hiding when fans found him, she used to call them _“the end“_ \- whenever fans show up, he ends everything to a) run away or b) spend time with them, so it made sense to him.

“She's coming back“, he mumbles to himself and earns a weird look from his driver.

> _Just stop your crying_  
>  _Have the time of your life_  
>  _Breaking through the atmosphere_  
>  _And things are pretty good from here_

On his way back to the garage, Max meets a little boy who hands him a painting. The painting shows, how the boy proudly explains, Daniel and him driving and Isabella watching them from something between heaven and earth. But he assures the shocked Netherlander she would come back soon.

Back in the garage, he sits on a table in the back and pretends to watch his crew, but he actually thinks about her. He managed to keep her off her mind for a while, at least during the race weekend - now he can't stop thinking about her.

If he had communicated with her and she had really been in a place between heaven and earth, she would probably tell him how small and tiny he would look from down there. And how amazing the food would be in that place.

“Max, are you coming? It's time for the national hymn and we don't want you to come late.“

> _Remember, everything will be alright_  
>  _We can meet again somewhere_  
>  _Somewhere far away from here_

Daniil sighs and stands next to his teammate. On the one hand, he's reliefed that this is the last race for around four months, he is really looking forward for some RedBull nights with Carlos, Daniel and Max in Monaco. On the other hand, he isn't really sure if he wants to have so much free time. Thanks to racing, he didn't have that much time to think about Isabella's accident, but after this race, he can't escape those thoughts.

Carlos gently slaps his arm and he looks at the Spaniard utterly confused. “It's time for the race, dude.“

Right, the race. To be honest, he liked the way she wished most of them luck, it was personal and if she wishes you luck, you can be sure she likes you. “Good luck, mate“, he yells in the direction of his teammate and takes a deep breath. Now that he's more or less single, he can promise himself to finish this race as good as possible for her.

> _We never learn, we been here before_  
>  _Why are we always stuck and running from_  
>  _The bullets, the bullets?_  
>  _We never learn, we been here before_  
>  _Why are we always stuck and running from_  
>  _The bullets, the bullets?_

Kimi hates this. Normally, they kiss before going on the track and wish each other good luck for the race, but now the German ignores him. Normally, they mumble cute things under their breaths during the national hymn - except in Germany or Italy, obviously.

They are going in circles and he's sick of it. All he wants is his boyfriend to tell him what the surprise was and to end this argument. His bed is cold and uncomfortable without the blonde and the days before a race weekend are filled with boredom.

Seeing him smile hurts, this is how a bullet must feel. “Are you alright?“ Quickly, he nods and starts the procedure of getting ready for the race.

> _We don't talk enough_  
>  _We should open up_  
>  _Before it's all too much_  
>  _Will we ever learn?_  
>  _We've been here before_  
>  _It's just what we know_

Lewis leaves the circuit as soon as possible. Wow, he finished right behind Sebastian, Right behind his rival who won the championship because Mercedes wasn't able to build engines that don't blow up. Everyone looks confused when he says goodbye before Toto, but he couldn't care less.

Taking a taxi from his hotel to the airport, he smiles weakly at his wallpaper and listens to music.

 ** _To_ : love❤**  
On my way to the airport x

He still can't believe it, he still can't believe he finally found the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

 ** _From_ : love❤**  
Alaïa and I can't wait to see you x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: this is actually just an excuse to write something to Harry Styles' Sign of the Times bc I can't get that song out of my head. Opinions anyone?


End file.
